


Demons I loved

by jessicanat



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms, Death Note (Anime & Manga), Death Note: Another Note
Genre: AU after Yotsuba, Angst, Angst based story, Beyond Birthday is Alive, Beyond Birthday plays a role in the Kira case, Bottom L, Complicated Relationships, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Family fluff and bonding, Gay Sex, L Lawliet needs a hug, L has a bad ass sister, M/M, Matsuda Touta Is An Idiot, Mello Near and Matt are little kids, Mpreg, Rape, Top Yagami Light, Yagami Light is Kira, lawlight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:55:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 29
Words: 86,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24519559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessicanat/pseuds/jessicanat
Summary: L was sure they were just using each other for sex and Light is going to kill him soon. But suddenly, L doubts that their relationship was part of the game anymore. Light might be actually genuine with his actions and that was a problem. Especially when BB emerges from the dead.
Relationships: Beyond Birthday/L, L & Yagami Light, L/Yagami Light, Matsuda Touta/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 509
Kudos: 255





	1. The kiss started the real problem

**Author's Note:**

> Hello AO3 DN Fandom!  
> Ive been reading and commenting almost every work authors here were posting for last two months and finally decided to join in with my own fic. I was fighting temptation, because I am home at FF.net and I hate having accounts everywhere on the internet. But... here I am. :D  
> Anyway, the fandom here is so inspiring and I cant wait to hear from you on my first LawLight story. Please, let me know what you think. ;) 
> 
> As for the story, here will be authors note with some important content at every chapter, so please read it. It will explain some family connections, age of characters and so on. This is AU, so many things really won't be like a canon story! Especially characters age!
> 
> Enjoy reading!

L had a problem.

That problem was sitting approximately two meters away beside the desk, working. With his amber eyes, perfect looks and stunning intelligence Light Yagami got deep under his skin. Literally.

L brought his thumb to his lower lip and dived into his own thoughts about their relationship. At first they hated each other. Then, they were handcuffed together. Then they started fucking. And it was a damn good fuck. With all the tension from the case they both needed to release the steam. And they did, every night. And sometimes even at day time. It was rough and impersonal.   
They both knew well enough they were just using each other for their bodies - there were no romantic feelings. At least L knew well enough he could not get attached.

But at some point… Light started to be somehow more genuine. He started cuddling after their sex, and when he wanted second round he caressed L's skin in delicate way. He even caught Light staring at him during work time. And everytime L caught him, Light was blushing as a love stricken teenager.

L was enjoying it more than he was willing to admit.

Anyway, back then, L still thought it was just part of their game so he played on.

Well until the night before they got Higuchi. That was the first night Light really kissed him on the lips. That night it became somehow too personal even for L.

That night they came to their room to get at least a few hours of sleep before the action, but Light had no intention to sleep.  
As they closed the door behind them, L found himself pinned against the wall, Light's hands everywhere and lips on his neck. L answered with his hands on Light's back, holding him closer, like he was used to by now. Light was slowly kissing his way up to his chin, then his cheeks and when their noses touched, L's eyes were wide, staring at Light. He was staring back with something strange in his eyes. Then, he slowly brought his lips down on L's.

And that was, when the problem really started.

Because from that moment, L knew, he fell for him.

It only took one kiss, for L to realize he was having feelings for Light.

The kiss was tender and far away from the rough sex they started with. L felt like he was melting under those lips. His heart was pounding and yet he felt safe. When Light pushed deeper into the kiss, L found himself pulling Light closer to his body. Gently caressing Light's back under his shirt. Light's tongue found its way to L's mouth and L started pulling Light's shirt over his head. Light pulled back to get the shirt off and then took L's hands, leading him to the bed. When they were finally laying down, the new adventure started. It was different. Like they have never done it before. It was not just about sex anymore. With all the kisses and sweet words from Light's mouth L's brain shut down.

When they were laying naked afterwards, tangled in each other's bodies, L felt overwhelmed by his own feelings. He felt like home for the first time in his damn life. He felt like he was right where he belonged. He never felt like that before with…He pushed away that memory.

That was a dangerous development.

He knew he had to keep his mask on. No matter what.

The morning afterwards was even worse. Light didn't even let him shower without constant kissing and cuddling. He acted like a love sick puppy. And what he said before they left the room mersed L even more in deep shit: “Please be careful, I can't lose you now.” Light whispered in his ear.  
L simply nodded.

But that was before they got Higutchi.

He set Light free thirteen days ago. On the day they got that Yotsuba brat and the Death Note. L was sure Light gained his memories back that day. And he was sure Light was the first Kira. L expected to die soon, with his heart broken to pieces. He had his things sorted, his last will ready.

And yet. Nothing happened.

_Well nothing…_

Light happened.

He happened to be in his bedroom every night. Even when he was free to go anywhere else. He could go home, he could be in his own room, he could be with Misa. But came back to L's room instead every night. And he acted like nothing changed. He was whispering the sweetest things to his ear, he was cuddling and pressing hundred kisses all over L's body. And L was sure Light wasn't playing anything anymore.

Light obviously fell for him hard.

And no matter how much L loved him back, he couldn't really act on his feelings. He just couldn't.

So he was just following Light's lead. He was kissing him, touching him, really loving him in every possible way, behind the closed doors. But he never said anything nice to him. He did his best, not to reveal anything he felt. Because if he would, he could lose control over the case. With his control on, he could still arest Light if he had to. Although his heart would probably fall into a thousand little pieces.  
And it was his control, why things were getting problematic between them.

Light was very aware that L was cold to him. So he started to demand L's attention even when they worked. He was touching him intimately when he was sure nobody's watching them and they were having crazy make out sessions while everyone was gone for lunch. Light wanted to get at least the smallest signs of affection from him. He was obviously starving for his love.

L was truly in a bad situation. He couldn't just push Light away, because he could be killed. He couldn't work on finding any proof against Light because he was constantly with him. He couldn't tell him he is still his main suspect. Or maybe he could… That was the real reason he couldn't act on his feelings anyway. So maybe, if Light wanted to clear himself of the susspition, they could work together better. Not only this _shit-like-work_ they were on now. Pretending to be searching for the new Kira who was still killing, even after Higuchi was dead.

There was obviously another Death Note.

And L knew Light was the one who had it.

But he had no proof.

So he found out, he is left with only three options:

First - Call for backup. Let his sister in to take over the case and distract Light with some sweet talk in between.  
Second - Talk to Light and try to explain rationally, why he can't just act on his feelings.  
Third - Leave the case and come back home.

The third was out of the question. No matter how badly he wanted to be home with his boys, he knew he would never make it back. If he would break Light's heart, he would write down his name instantly.

As for the first two options, he had to give it a days hours to think through. Because both were risky as hell.  
So he came back to reality, removed his thumb from his mouth and went back to work.  
Not knowing that he will have to act on both options, in just a few days.


	2. Let's go back where we started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, thank you for all your amazing comments! <3 
> 
> Just a little WARNING for chapter 2:  
> \- ANGST  
> \- VERY UNPLESANT ADULT THEMES! 
> 
> Read at your own risk!

Light was _pissed_. Not a little but major _PISSED_!

L was so reserved to him all the time. Like nothing changed between them. Like he hasn't proved his innocence. He was not really innocent, of course. But he played the game well enough to persuade everyone. Except the only person that mattered - L.  
Falling in love with the detective was not part of the plan. So when Light gained his memories back he had to act fast. He didn't want L dead. No matter how much it complicated the situation he knew, he can't kill him without losing part of himself.

Sometimes he even wondered if it was all just part of L's plan. Making him fall head over heals and get his own ass safed.  
But no… that was not detective's style. Light was sure L never planned any of it. It just happened. The only unknown in the equation were L's feelings. Light was sure L felt something for him. If he wasn't he would never go that far with him. He would never cross the line between _just sex_ and _partner sex_. Even when he didn't know he was Kira back then, he wasn't naive. He was sure L felt something for him back then and even more now as they continued in their relationship. There was longing in his eyes when they kissed and the cute way he smiled when Light was whispering poetry into his ear was a huge give away. But L never gave anything back. No words, no kisses, no sweet words. And Light was starving for it. He wanted to be cuddled not just cuddle.

He had to do something about it.

He had to confront L about it.

But he was afraid of what could come of it.  
  
If L says that he doesn't feel anything for him, he would probably fall into pieces. He could easily kill him for it but he wouldn't be able to.

He loved him too much already.

And if L says he loves him… then what? What exactly would happen? What would he do? How would he continue his mission, with L by his side? It was simply impossible.

 _Maybe things are the best as they are now…_ Light told himself.

Maybe this is the way they could be together. Investigating Kira, playing their mind games and never really making a move against each other. They both would be themselves and they could secretly love each other behind the curtain of the night.  
  
That's what Light told himself.  
  
But no matter how much he wanted to act like that. He couldn't. His heart was singing exactly the opposite song.

* * *

Light made his best effort to keep his rage under control for another week. But then, he just blew up:

“Why don't you just say it out loud? Say it! In front of everyone!” he shouted at L, when they were in the investigation room, discussing the process of the case.

“Light, could you calm down?” His father snapped at him.

“No! No father! It is obvious what Ryuzaki is thinking! He still thinks I am Kira!”

L's expression hasn't changed.

“Light, Ryuzaki simply said that the pattern of murders came back to where it was before Higuchi. He didn't accuse you of anything.” His father tried to calm him down.

“Accualy Yagami-san, Light-kun is right.” L said with a stoic face.

“What?” Soichiro snapped back.

“The possibility that the new Kira who acts exactly like the first one, raised right after the third Kira was taken down is rather small. Around 3 percent. On the other hand, the possibility that the first or a second Kira gained back their memories and Notes back, is more than 30 procent.”

Everyone was silent, staring at L.

“Even if it was true, you do not have any proof my son was Kira in the first place.” Soichiro said, as calmly as he was able to.

“You are right, Yagami-san. I do not. That's why I didn't want to discuss this possibility in the first place.”

“So you were doing what? Spying on me while playing the great investigation?” Light snapped at him.

L opened his mouth to answer that but Watari was faster: “I think it will be best for us to leave and let the young men discuss this matter alone.”

“If my son is the main suspect again I think I should stay by his side.” Soichiro said.

“Please leave dad.” Light snapped back, without breaking eye contact with L.

Silently, everyone left the room.

“So what were you doing?” Light asked again, when they were finally alone.

There was a long pause before L spoke again.

“Actually I was waiting for Light-kun to plead his guilty.”

That was it. Light bit his inner cheek and clenched his fists. He made a few steps closer do L, their faces only inches apart: “Don't say you are _with me_ just because you want to convince me. Because I am not gonna fall for that. If you really wanted me to go stupid around you, you would act exactly the opposite way.”

L pressed his thumb to his lower lip.

“Hm… interesting. So it means Light-kun is acting lovesick because he wants to gain his control over me.”

Light should be offended by that by all he heard from that sentence was "acting lovesick".

“Did you ever consider the possibility that I might actually have feelings for you?”

L said nothing but eyed his feet.

Light made a step back.

“ _Of course_ you know I have feelings for you! Because I show them _all the time_!” He was almost shouting at him. “You, on the other hand, are a marble statue!”

L finally let out some emotions and rolled his eyes.

“Light, we are in the middle of an investigation and as you said yourself _you_ are still my main suspect.”

“I am tired of proving myself to you!” Light said and felt his eyes filling with tears. “I need to know where our relationship stands now….”

They locked their eyes together and for the first time, Light saw a glint of fear in L's eyes. So he continued: “... I need to know what we are.”  
Light was again coming closer surprised with the fact that L was actually stepping back from him with every step. Until his back was against the wall. Then L finally spoke:  
“What you want from me is not possible…” His voice was weak and full of pain.

Light pressed their foreheads together, tears falling down of his eyes.

“I could spend the rest of my life proving myself to you, and it wouldn't be enough, would it?”

Suddenly Light felt L's hand at the back of his neck and he knew, he is finally getting an honest answer: “I can't do this with you while the game is still on… _please_ understand.”

That single word _please_ broke Light to the core. He was now sure L loves him back and all that stands between them is Kira. But he was Kira. And L knew it. He knew it from the beginning and he still let Light do all those things to him. He let Light fuck him and then love him. Light started to see red. His anger was clouding his judgement and all he wanted was to hurt L really bad. An idea flashed his mind and he felt the Kira part of his personality is taking the lead.

He leaned closer to L's ear and whispered: “Is that what you want? You want us to be back at the stupid game?”

L said nothing but Light felt him shivering. At that moment, he was vulnerable, weak. And Light wanted to hurt him. He felt his length stiffen in his pants.

“As you wish then, let's go back where we started.”

With that sentence, Light quickly turned L around and smashed his face against the wall. He bit his neck and started pulling his jeans down his ass.

L was shocked but tried to fight him: “Light stop!”

Light said nothing and bit back on L's neck even harder. He could feel L shivering and panic under his attack. Light pulled down his own pants and rubbed against L's ass.

“Light please dont…” L said again, with fear in his voice. He tried to fight back but it was pointless. Light was at rage and L didn't sleep for a few days. He was exhausted.

“Light please not without con…” L didn't even finish the sentence when he felt sudden pain in his hole.

Light pushed his erection into L without any preparation and started pounding into him. L was still fighting back and tried to get himself out of Light's grip but he wasn't strong enough. His face grimaced from the pain in his lower section and tears were falling from his eyes.  
Light pressed his face into L's hair and he heard him sobbing and maybe even screaming. That made him rocking into L even harder. After a few minutes he finally came and let go of L.

In that moment L passed out and fell to the floor.

Light's blood turned into ice in his veins. But before he could act, something hit his head from the back and he was falling to the floor.

Then, there was only darkness.


	3. The wake

L woke up with the morning sun shining to his face. He placed his hand on his eyes, to cover it from sun races and intended to sleep a little more, when he heard familiar voice:

“How are you feeling my boy?”

L fully opened his eyes and looked by his side.

“Oh Watari I am alright… I just….had a nightmare.” He said and tried to sit up. But as he felt the sudden pain in his lower section his eyes went wide.

“I am afraid, it was not a nightmare L, I am so sorry. I should have never left you alone with him.”

L finally managed to sit up and leaned his back against the headboard of the bed. He was silent for a moment. Trying to remember what exactly happened: He argued with Light. Then he let his feelings out a little and Light got crazy emotional. Then Light…

_Did Light really rape me?_

L felt his heart aching and tears were building behind his eyes. He forced himself not to cry and his mind ran a million different directions in a second. He needed to get the most of the situation. He can cry about it later. 

He narrowed his eyes at Watari: “Where is Light now?”

“I locked him in his room. He might have a little headache when he wakes up.” Watari said with an innocent smirk. 

“What happened after I passed out?” L asked with worries in his voice. 

“I punched his head with a gun. I thought about shooting him but it probably wouldn't be a good idea.” Watari admitted. 

“So…” L cleared his throat: “... does everybody now?” 

Watari shook his head: “No one knows but me, dear boy. When we left you, the rest of the task force decided to leave for lunch and I went to my office. When I got there I saw what was going on on the camera, but before I got to you it was too late. I am so sorry.”

“It's not your fault Watari. I…. I …” he was not really sure what he wanted to say.

“What do you want me to do with him?” Watari asked before L could say anything else. 

L frowned and pressed his thumb to his lower lip, thinking.

“Nothing…” he said after a while. 

Watari frowned: “You can't be serious, he raped you.” 

“I know… but if we kick him out or lock him up he could do some actual damage. Not to mention that we would have to tell _the reason_ to the task force.”

“So you really want to leave it be? Let him go with something like that?” Watari was disgusted. 

“No… I don't. But when I think about it, it's probably the best thing that could happen.” 

Watari frowned at his young protegé, giving him a disapproving look. 

L continued: “See… if he really cares about me, he might have an emotional breakdown after this. If he will want to fix things with me, he might be actually more vulnerable than before.”

“You still expect him to reveal himself to you?”

“Love is a powerful weapon.” L said with confidence.

“Love is making _you_ weak. Don't take me for a fool. You want to forgive him because you love him, not because it's the best for the case.” 

Of course Watari would see through him. 

“I can manage both.” L said with false strength in his voice. 

“I seriously doubt that L. You said the same thing after we got Higuchi and it only led to this! The boy is not emotionally stable L! He is still a teenager and he doesn't know how to cope with his emotions.”

L nodded and argued with as much reason as he could: “Yes, and he is starting to make mistakes.”

“You sound as if you planned this to happen.” Watari said. 

“Having my ass raped in the investigation room? No, I certainly didn't see that coming.”

Watari narrowed his eyes at him again: “And what if your plan will not work? What if his breakdown will have the opposite effect?”

“Well, then I guess, I will be dead within a few days.”

“You are reckless as a child. I thought I raised some respect for life within you.”

With that Watari stood up from L and left the room without another word.

As soon as Watari was gone, L fell back to his sheets and started crying. The pain he was experiencing in his heart and soul was much greater than the pain of the body. It was not like they haven't done something like this before… but back then, they were both playing and enjoying the game. 

Yesterday Light stepped over the line. 

He took him by force. 

At that memory, L started sobbing harder. He was replaying the painful scene all over again in his mind. Thinking, where he made a mistake. 

_I should not let out my feelings_ … He thought. 

Watari was right, Light couldn't cope with his emotions. That only made sense. L let him see he wanted him too and instead of Light getting the message and seeing them as a possibility in the future he blew up because he couldn't have L _now_. So he took him.

_I overestimated his emotional maturity._

L frowned. It only meant he needed to be twice as careful. Emotional teenagers were not that hard to cope but Light was not an ordinary teenager. Or was he? Maybe when it came to love, Light was just as vulnerable as everyone else. Just like himself when he was younger.

L took a sharp inhale when memories of his first love took over him. He hid his own head under the pillow and tried hard to push out those memories of his mind. But it was no use. The harder he pushed, the clear he saw Beyond in his mind. His wild strawberry blond hair, red tempting eyes and loud laugh. That's how he was when they fell in love. But then, the picture in his mind changed into the monster he became. Wild, mad, reeking of blood and with looks matching L's own. There was nothing left of the man L loved years ago. 

_They are so similar_ … His mind whispered. 

L uncovered his head from the pillow and his sobs stopped, staring at the white ceiling. He knew that was an automatic thought. Something his mind came up with to torture him. Because they were not similar. Sure, they were both criminals. But their personalities were different. Beyond was a bold extrovert and he didnt care what people think about him. Even with his murders he was extravagant.

It was different with Light. He acted confidently on the outside but his insides were hidden away. His murders were simple until someone provoked him. L felt there were two personalities in him. There was Kira - the one on the outside, the one who murdered, lied and raped. And then… there was Light - the one hidden under layers who only wanted to be loved without conditions. 

The problem was who held control in the moment. 

But if this… _incident_ … would uncover the good side of Light again there was still hope. 

L could handle a little discomfort after all.

* * *

Light woke up like out of shock and shot up on his bed. But fell back down immediately. His head was spinning and his vision was blurry. He remembered someone punched the back of his head and his hand reached to the wound. But it stopped half way, because Light couldn't move it any further. Something was pulling his hand back. He realized what it was: handcuffs. 

“Ryuzaki?” Light asked, because he expected the detective to be on the other side. But there was no answer. After a moment he realized he was alone in the room. He moved his arm again and tried to figure out how far he could reach. He wasn't able to really move, because his head was aching really bad and he felt like throwing up. But as he moved his arm he realized he was handcuffed to the bed with one hand. The other was free.

 _But why am I…_ His thoughts stopped, remembering events before someone punched him.

“Oh no…” Light felt guilt building in his chest. “... I didnt… I couldnt…” he was mumbling to himself, not really expecting someone to answer him but the answer came:

“Yes you did, Light-o! And you seemed to have much fun!” Ryuk said with laughter. 

“Shut up! Shut up!” Light shouted at him and tried to sit up again but the only effect it had was him throwing up over the edge of the bed. 

“Eeee.... that's… eeeh.” Ryuk managed to say. 

When Light got all the content of his stomach out he was laying on the edge of the bed, completely exhausted. Then he heard the door unlock and open.

“Ruyzaki?!” Light asked, not really seeing who was at the door. 

There was a moment of silence, before the door closed again and the person made a few steps closer. When Light managed to focus his eyes he realized it was Watari. He came with a tray in his hands. 

“Watari…” he breathed out. 

“I brought you some pills, to kill the pain.” He said and stepped over the mess on the floor. Watari sat next to Light and held the glass of water to his lips as Light was taking the medicine.

“What happened?” Light asked “Why am I handcuffed?”

“After what you've done you should be locked in a cell.” Watari said with a calm voice and started removing the handcuffs. “But Ryuzaki was strictly against it.”

Light felt guilt rush over him again and his blood froze in his veins. Watari knew. 

“How is he? Did I hurt him?” Light suddenly asked and Watari narrowed his eyes at him.

“Yes, you did hurt him. But I am afraid the scar you just made on his heart will be much worse then whatever you've done to his body.” 

Light felt the tears falling from his eyes: “Watari I need to talk to him. I need to apologize… God I don't know what came over me!”

“You won't be staying anywhere near him alone from now on.” Watari said strictly. 

Light gasped: “But… I need to tell him…. He has to know how I love him...”

“Love him? You raped him and you call it love?” 

“Watari I am so sorry… I don't know what I was thinking I was just so mad at him…”

“For what? For being professional and not mixing his personal feelings with his work? Or for letting you know he has some feelings for you but he can't act on them now? If you really loved him, you would wait until he is free to act as he wanted. You have no idea of love. You only love yourself.”

Light started sobbing. Watari's words were hard to accept because Light knew they were true. What he did was childish. He acted like a spoiled brat who was denied his favourite toy. But Ryuzaki… L… was no toy. He was human. No matter how uppish he seemed to be he had feelings just like everyone else. And what Light did must have cut deep into any romantic feelings he held towards Light. If L saw even the small possibility of a future together Light definitely destroyed it. He needed to make it right. He needed to make it up to him. But how? 

Watari pulled him out of his thoughts when he spoke again: “Make no mistake Light Yagami. It was me who hurt your head and it is only because of Ryuzaki that I didn't hurt you much worse. But if you will hurt my boy again, in any way, I will not hesitate to kill you.”

With that he left the room.

Light fell back to his sheets and stared at the ceiling. But it didn't stay an empty view for long, as Ryuk flew over him with a wide smile. 

“So what's the plan now Light-o?” he asked. “...Are you going to crawl to him? And beg your nemesis for forgiveness?” Ryuk was laughing at him again. “Or will you finally strike him down like the God of the new world?” 

Light clenched his fists and narrowed his eyes at the shinigami.

“Don't worry Ryuk. Everything is going according to the plan” he said calmly. 

“Is it? That's good to know! Because Rem seemed a little pissed by your puppy behavior towards the detective. Better get a talk with her before she decides to act on Misa's happiness.”

With that, Ryuk flew away from the room and left him alone.

Light had lied to him. There was no plan. He spent the last two weeks acting on his own overwhelming feelings towards L and made only a small effort towards his original _God of the new world_ plan. He needed to get his shit together fast and make a new plan. A plan where L was safe from Misa and Rem. And where he was by his side… if it was even a possibility anymore. 


	4. Things we do for love...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the comments and support! I enjoy the community here very much!

Following days showed Light what is hell on earth. Because his head was aching, because he was practically unable to leave his room, because he didn't get to see L and mainly because Misa was playing his caretaker. She was with him practically all the time, feeding him soup and instantly talking about nonsense. No matter how bad he felt, she made it 100 times worse. 

After the incident he was suffering conclusion and was ordered by Ryuzaki to stay in bed for a few days. Not that Ryuzaki would tell him by himself. It was his father who told him the order the day after _that_. But it could have been worse. Ryuzaki also ordered him to come back to work when he felt better, which meant he still wanted him around. That message filled Light with hope and made his heart racing in his chest. 

He might still have a chance to save their relationship.

But first… he has to deal with Misa.

He fixed his eyes on her as she was reading him some _interesting_ interview from the magazine. 

“Misa, we need to talk.” he said calmly.

She lifted her chin with confusion and put the magazine aside: “Misa is listening to her Light.”

“Good, but I need Rem here too.” 

He looked at Ryuk: “Go and get her here.”

“Is something wrong, Light?” Misa asked when they were alone. But Light said nothing and waited until Rem showed in the room. 

“Now that we are all here, I need you to know about my new plan, before _someone…_.” he looked at Rem “...makes something stupid.”

They were all silent, staring at him.

“As I told you before, we can not kill L right now.”

Rem gave him a stern look and Misa literally growled: “But why? I thought we will already get rid of that pervert and be happy.” 

Light wanted to punch her in the face but he stayed composed. 

“Because two weeks ago I came across some unsettling evidence that L is not working on the case only with the task force. It seems that he has some back up team somewhere. If something happens to him, we might have another Kira task force behind our backs.”

That was a lie. Ryuzaki never told him anything like this. It was his perfect lie to keep Misa and Rem off the game before he gets rid of them. 

“But Light… how do you know that? And who are they? How do we kill them?” Misa asked.

“Ryuzaki practically told me himself. The night before we captured Higuchi I realized there are some… interrogation methods he is incapable to resist.”

Rem knew exactly what he was talking about, but Misa didn't.

“What methods?”

Light took a sharp inhale, knowing that the following conversation will not be easy to handle. 

“Seduction.”

There was a moment of silence before Misa bursted: 

“WHAT?! You seduced him? You slept with him? You cheated on me?” 

She was practically dropping question after question and started pounding her wrists against Light's chest. He had to use his all strength to pin her down to the bed and raised his voice before she started to calming down a little. 

“No! Listen to me Misa!” He locked his eyes with hers: “I did not sleep with him. I only realized he has feelings for me and I am using them against him. It is just a game and the game has to go on if I want to get rid of him and his… team, or whatever they are.”

Light let go of Misa and she curled to the baby position on his bed. She was still sobbing. She didn't want to hear him. She didn't want to let _that_ happen. 

“So you're asking me to let you start _something_ with him? No I can't do that! I can't!”

“Misa, this is for our future!” he caressed the small of her back. 

“No… I won't let you! You are Misa's Light!”

Rem came to the girl and her eyes threw daggers at Light. 

“Light careful. I told you, if you are gonna hurt Misa I will kill you myself. And you are hurting her now…” 

“Oh come on Rem. You are not stupid. You must have figured out already how I wanted to kill L before. If that happened, Misa would be without your protection and might be hurt even more by whoever is working with L. You should thank me.”

“Sure I figured out, Light Yagami and that's why I do not trust you.”

“I am not asking you to trust me. I cant trust you either. I know you can kill me anytime. But we are all here, under the new circumstances and I am the best chance Misa has to get out of this alive and happy. And that's what you want, isn't it?”

Rem frowned and Misa was silently watching their argument, tears falling from her eyes.

“But what if L lied to you? What if this is exactly what he wants? What if there is no other team and he is just playing for time?” Rem asked.

Light shook his head: “He is not… I know it. That idiot is in love with me and I made him believe I love him too.”

He leaned again to crying Misa: “Misa, I know this is not easy. I am asking a lot. But I would not ask you if I wasn't sure you could make it. You are smart, strong and you are the only one I want…..” he whispered to her ear “... and when this is all over, we can finally be together as the God and Goddess of the New world.”

When hearing that, Misa straightened up and looked him in the eyes. She seemed determined. 

Light smirked internally. He had her exactly where he wanted to have her. 

“What do you expect me to do in between?” she asked, much calmer than before.

“Nothing yet. You are my girlfriend, it will stay that way. I already have L's heart but I have to gain his trust right now. I can't just dump you right away. That would look suspicious. But I wanted you to know what I am about to do Misa. I wanted you to be part of the plan.”

Misa's eyes went wide with confusion and then softened with understanding.

“Oh Light…. You really do trust me!”

Light gave her sweet smile: “Ofcourse I trust you. I love you _._ ” 

When he said those words he imagined a picture of L before his eyes. And he was thinking of his lips when he leaned in to kiss her. They were kissing for a few moments before he asked again: “Will you do this for me, Misa? Will you let me seduce Ryuzaki, for our future?”

Misa's eyes were filled with tears again: “Misa would do anything for her Light.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***In case that you are wondering why Light is discussing his plan with Misa, Rem and Ryuk in his room at HQ without fear of cameras and bugs: Light simply assumes they are past that kind of treatment and that the darkest place is under the candlestick. And he is right. The task force is not focused on him and L himself doesn't want to see him. So right now, he is safe.


	5. The breaking point

L really didn't want to see him. Even after four days from _the incident_ he wasn't ready to face Light. But he knew he's gonna make an appearance sometime today which made it a lot harder to focus on his work. Like he did some in the past few days… It was hard to admit to himself but he was seriously hurting.

The first day after he spent in denial, acting strong in front of Watari and trying to focus on the outcome. He made like fifty possible scenarios of what's gonna happen now. But as the time went on, he found he didn't want to see any of those scenarios happen. Mostly, he wanted to run to Light's room, kiss him desperately, tell him how much he loved him, despite everything he's done and get over with it.

_But… no…_

He needed to be stronger than that. If Light ever found out he has him in his hands like this, it would be all over. Kira would rule the world, L would become his pet and L would break under the weight of guilt sooner or later. There would be no love left, no chance for them.

He has to stick with the game this time and carry on until the very end. He cant afford to fuck it up like he did with Beyond.

 _Not making the same mistakes again_ … He thought.

_No reckless emotions and no love saving…_

With that though he heard the door to the HQ open and Light's voice came with it:

"Greetings, it's good to see you all again." he said.

L started trembling when hearing his voice. He couldn't force himself to face him. He was listening to the others' greeting with Light and he was calming himself enough to stand up.

"Light, are you feeling better?" Light's father asked.

"Yes, I feel better now, thank you."

"It's good to have you back Light!" Matsuda started "Ryuzaki seems so lost without your company! He's even turning down his cakes!"

Light's fake smile faded from his lips and he turned to see L.

L was already standing a few steps away from him, his eyes focused on Light's face. But L's eyes didn't say a thing. They were blank. Emotionless.

"My current diet has no connection with Yagami-kun's convalescence days off. It is something Watari recommended to me and I decided to follow." L said, calmly.

 _This is bad_ … Light thought. Not only the fact that he called him Yagami-kun, not Light-kun but also the fact that he was willingly giving up his cakes.

Before Light could say something L spoke again: "Anyway, we have a few new murder cases and I would appreciate if Yagami-kun would take a look at them and shared his opinion with the team."

Light opened his mouth to answer but before he could the door opened and Watari came in with a mobile phone in his hands and a quite disturbing look on his face: "Ryuzaki, we have a situation in The cake house. I need you to take the phone immediately."

Everyone eyed Watari with confused looks.

L's eyebrows shot up and his heart started pounding. The cake house was their cover for the orphanage. It could only mean something bad happened.

L reached out for the phone but Watari hesitated.

"Maybe you should sit down first." he said to the younger man.

L's eyes went wide and he snapped the phone from Watari's hands without thinking.

"Yes?" he asked on the phone, switching to English.

" _L we have a reason to believe Beyond Birthday is alive."_

Light's eyes were fixed on L. He saw how his emotionless face changed with fear.

"What are you talking about Roger? That's impossible..." L's voice was dangerously low.

" _He was here just a few hours ago. He was talking to Mello through the fence. The boy is sure it's him."_

"Again, Roger, that's impossible! And even if it was, Mells wouldn't recognize him anymore!"

Light was confused. He understood what L was saying but it made no sense to him without hearing what this… _Roger_ was saying.

" _L, we are sure it was him. We have the footage from the security cam near the south gate."_

"I want to see the photage. NOW!" L roared to the phone and made a few quick steps through the room.

Watari followed and the rest of the task force was tiptoeing behind them. They had no idea what was going on. They were curious and shocked by Ryuzaki's behavior.

L opened the attachment in his email. All of his monitors were now showing the same video. It was a view on one of the gates in the orphanage gardens. It was showing the gate from the inside and had like four meters above the ground overview on the area.

There was nothing going on for a while but then a tall hooded figure appeared at the other side of the gate. It was obviously a man, dressed in black pants, denim jacket and a black hoodie. The only that was to see of his face from this view was his nose and spikes of blonde hair coming out of the hood. But the figure on the footage was too small to characterize any more detailed features.

The man leaned against the bars of the gate and was obviously calling someone. But there was no audio.

After a moment another figure came into the view from the inside of the gate. It was a child figure, but they could only see him from the back. The kid was skinny, dressed in black and had strawberry blond hair to his shoulders. The kid hesitated to go closer and stopped two meters away from the gate and didn't move. The man on the other side was saying something to him. At one moment he was even reaching out his hand to him but the kid only took a step back. They were like that a few more seconds before the kid looked over his shoulder and the hooded man took his hand back.

The kid seemed to panic. He was looking between the hooded man and someone who was not seen on the camera.

The hooded man said something to the kid again and then started running away.

The kid hurtled forward and caught the gate bars with his hands. He was looking after the man for a few moments before another child figure came into view. It was a smaller boy with a redhead and striped t-shirt. They stood there for a moment, probably talking about something before the blonde started running back and off the camera. The redhead followed.

The footage ended.

L was frowning at his monitors and the room was deadly silent.

L sat down to his computer and played the video again. He stopped at the moment when the face of the hooded man was most visible. It was only a brief second, when the man was reaching his hand to the boy when the camera showed more of his face.

L zoomed in on the face and waited until the computer would render the enlarged image into better quality.

After a few moments he had familiar features on all of his monitors. The hard nose and the chin line were not easy to change. Even when half of his face was misshapen by the fire. L couldn't see all of him but from what the picture showed it was unmistakable:

Beyond Birthday is alive.


	6. Losing control

What came after could be described as an atomic explosion. L threw the phone against the face on one of his monitors and as the monitor and the phone both shattered the whole task force stared in pure shock.

"Ryuzaki what's going on?" Light asked him urgently.

L didn't pay any attention to him or anyone else. His mind was far away and yet, he started barking orders at Watari:

"I want at least sixty agents around the orphanage and another twenty around my house."

"Sent someone to my flats in Paris and Florence. He might have been hiding there for a while."

"And I want Aiber and Wedy to contact their people in the mafia and the criminal underworld. Surely someone must know something."

"And… I want K on the phone in five minutes."

Watari stared at him for a while, hesitating. The boy was not thinking straight. He managed to blow the cover of the orphanage and revealed where his residences were. But the reason was understandable. He will talk with him about it later. So Watari nodded and left the room.

L turned back to his computer and looked over the video again.

Light was staring at him, trying to understand what was going on. L's face was paler than usual, his eyes full of anger and he looked ready to kill. Light gathered his courage and asked again:

"Ryuzaki, what the hell is going on? Who is it?"

When there was no answer, Light lost his patience, grabbed L's chair and turned him around to fully face him.

"L, tell me, what's happening! Now!" he demanded.

But his confidence shattered as he saw the tears building behind those big grey eyes. The detective was obviously fighting to stay composed and Light just exposed him to the rest of the task force. He knew this is probably a very bad idea but he couldn't stand to see the sadness in L's eyes so he kneeled down and pulled him into a hug.

"It's alright _love_ , I am here." Light whispered to his ear.

L stiffened and literally felt how his mind returned back to his body. He realized where he was, who was there with him and he immediately managed to suppress his emotional state.

"Ehm… Yagami-kun, what are you doing?" he asked with his ice cold voice.

Light pulled back, still holding his shoulders. The emotions he saw in L's eyes a moment ago, were gone.

"I … I thought you needed that." Light said and let go of him.

"I didn't." L said "... but... Thank you."

There was a moment of heavy silence before chief Yagami cleared his throat and spoke again:

"Ryuzaki, can you please tell us what's going on?"

L took a deep breath, stood up: "There might be another serial killer going after me and my family."

Everyone gasped.

"Is that him? Why is he after you?" Light asked and took a second look at the monitors. The face was familiar to him. He was sure he saw him somewhere before.

"Because, Yagami-kun, this man is one of the criminals I got arrested."

"Why is he not in jail? Did he break free?" Matsuda asked with panic.

The man was asking the right question but L was not in the mood and gave him a murderous glare anyway: "Because he was believed to be dead. He should have been one of Kira's victims."

Light suppressed the urge to frown. That made sense. The man was one of the killers whose name he wrote down. _But how can he be alive? How is that possible?_

Light wanted to ask the killer's name when Watari came back to the room.

"Ryuzaki I did as you instructed. The orphanage is already under supreme security, Aiber and Wedy are going into disguise and I have our people coming to check on all of your households. But I was unable to reach K. All of her phone numbers are unavailable."

L nodded: "Thank you Watari. I will try to reach her myself. Please call Roger, pass him my apologies about earlier."

"Yes, sir." he said and turned to leave but he turned back again: "And if I may be so bold, sir, I think you should talk to Mello first. The boy will be probably confused, if not frightened."

L sat back down to his computer: "I will talk to him soon enough, thank you."

Watari frowned and left again. L was searching something on his computer and the task force still did not know what to do.

"L what are you doing?" Light asked as he watched the older male turning on several programs.

"I am searching for one of my agents… And it's Ryuzaki, please remember that, Yagami-kun."

Light clenched his fists: "Alright, Ryuzaki so what can we do?"

L stopped his work and pressed his thumb against his lower lip: "There's nothing you can do now. I need to get my family to safety and take some time to think this through."

There was a pause before L spoke again: "I do not enjoy merging cases together but there is over 80 procent probability that this murderer will be in my tracks soon. So you should probably get familiar with his folder. I'll have Watari send it to you."

L turned to his computer and quickly typed a message to Watari through their encrypted messenger: " _Watari, please send BB's file to the task force. Only the official one from LA case. No background. Thank you."_

After that L came back to his tracking programs and the confused task force turned back to their usual work places. But Light still had his eyes on L and his tracking system. They both watched as a few monitors blinked with earth maps and a cursor was moving across them.

"Are you using a satellite to track someone?" Light asked, not really familiar with the technology.

L nodded.

"But how?"

L was only watching as the cursor stopped at New York and the map started zooming in: "Implanted tracker."

"What? Are you serious?"

L nodded again. The map finally settled in one place and the cursor started blinking in red light. It was pointing at the FBI's headquarters in New York city. L frowned.

"What the hell is she doing there…" he mumbled to himself.

He pressed his mic button and contacted Watari directly: "Watari, it seems that K is in the FBI's HQs, central building, investigation room N214. Can you hack into their camera system, show me what she is doing and get the phone number of anyone near her?"

"Do you think it's wise? She's probably there undercover." Watari asked.

"I cant wait till she's out there and answers the phone. Just do it." He said strictly.

After a few moments another of L's monitors changed their views and they were now looking at live time broadcast. Some monitors were showing halls and others investigation rooms. L's eyes fixed on the one with label N214. There were four people inside that room. One of them was obviously a suspect, two investigators and one woman in the corner with a stack of papers in her hands. She was writing something.

L zoomed her in. Blond hair fixed in a bun, nerdy glasses on her nose and a perfectly frightened look on her face.

 _Well played indeed…_ L smirked to himself.

"You'll have audio in a moment. Turn on channel 9. And the phone number is in your post." Watari said as he came back into the room.

L did as he's been told and after a moment they were listening to an interrogation occurring at the other side of the world.

L took one of his phones from a locked drawer under his table and started dialing the number he found in his email.

"She is playing an intern? That's smart…" Watari said.

L nodded. But why was she playing an intern in the FBI was lost to him.

* * *

They were in the middle of interrogation when a phone rang. It was a raucous and annoying sound.

The older detective looked at his younger colleague in disbelief: "Really? You did not turn off your phone?"

The younger paled as he was reaching into his pocket. He took out his phone, looked at the display and frowned: "That's weird… It's a blank number."

The older detective rolled his eyes: "Well that must be important! You should definitely take it!" He said in clear irony, which was unfortunately lost to the younger who answered the call immediately:

"Yes?" he asked hesitantly.

 _"Is it detective George Kimley?"_ the electronic voice on the other side asked.

"Ehm… yes. Who is it?" he asked and eyed his superior with fear in his eyes.

 _"This is L. I need to talk to your intern."_ The younger detective's eyes went wide and he was unable to move. _"Did you hear me young man? That nerdy missy in the corner. I need to talk to her now."_

The younger detective jerked and handed the phone to the inconspicuous paper worker in the corner: "It is for you. Its L."

Both detectives eyed her with disbelief. Even the suspects eyes flashed with fear.

She looked surprised, but she grabbed the phone, said nothing and waited for him to speak.

 _"Turn on your phone! NOW!"_ that's all she heard before the call ended.

She slowly handed the phone back to the younger detective with a polite smile: "I am afraid I have to leave you now, please call another intern in to finish this entry."

"Do you work for L?" the older detective asked.

She started laughing: "For L? Really sir? For all I know he works alone and I do not approve his methods. It was just… my family's way to get attention. They need me now. Sorry."

As much as she tried to sound convincing, she knew she fooled nobody. She handed papers to the younger detective and left the room.

* * *

L watched as she K burst out of the interrogation room and crossed FBI halls in fast speed. Watari was switching between security cameras so they saw her every move. She managed to pull her phone out of her bag, turn it on and check on the number of missed calls. She frowned at the display and dialed.

Soon the phone on L's desk started buzzing.

"Watari, please redirect the call into my computer."

Watari eyed him in disbelief but obeyed. Whatever game the boy was playing it was very dangerous.

After a moment the call was answered. What came out of the audio system left everyone staring in shock:

 _"You fucking asshole! What were you thinking? You just blew up my cover!"_ she was yelling in fluent japanese.

L rolled his eyes as he watched a very furious woman moving through FBI's HQs. He turned on his microphone: "I don't have time for this. I need you to come back home, pick up the kids, get your ass here as fast as you can."

 _"Were you listening to anything I just said? I spent the last two years on this case! Fucking two years and you just screewed it!"_ she was still yelling at him. The good thing was, she was already out of the building, so the number of heads turning at her was getting lower.

"K… B is alive." L said in a low voice.

She stopped in the middle of the stairs in front of the building. There was a moment of silence before she started moving again.

_"That's impossible."_

"That's what I thought too, but unfortunately, it's true." L told her.

K finally got into her car and pressed a few buttons. She redirected her phone call to the car and the camera inside went on. Watari logged off the FBI's camera system and the halls disappeared. But they had a clear view on her face inside the car. She was looking straight to the camera:

_"L, I saw the body! I checked him myself!"_

"He was at the orphanage a few hours ago. They have a photage. I am sure."

She bit her lower lip: _"Send it here."_

L rolled his eyes. Couldn't she just believe him, for once? He forwarded her email from Roger. And 30 seconds later he watched as her eyes shattered and she frowned so hard that her eyebrow turned into one: _"Alright, that might be a problem."_

She pressed her lips tightly together while thinking: _"We should check the grave. The body there will probably be someone else's."_

L nodded: "I'll have Roger on it. But we'll talk about the situation later. Right now I need you to pick up the kids and get here."

They watched her as she started driving: _"L this is not a good idea. Everyone knows you are in Japan on the Kira case. He will be after you. Having boys there with you will be practically like serving all you care about on the golden tray."_

"She's right L." Watari added, not using his alias.

L pressed his thumb to his lower lip again. This was a bold move even for him.

"Do as I said. I expect you'll get here within three days."

K smirked: _"You underestimate me."_


	7. Not alone

Light was very quiet on their way home. Soichiro was happy to finally persuade Light to visit after such a long time, but the boy didn't seem particularly happy about it. He was still zoning out when Soichiro tried to make conversation so they fell into silence after only a few minutes of ride. Soichiro was driving and he realized they were followed by the black SUV. So the attempt to make conversation was made again:

"Ryuzaki is really fast. We already have the back up behind us."

Light took a look into the rearview mirror and then checked his watch: "Really. It's not even half an hour."

L told them that everyone in the task force that will be having their own security team for the time coming. And that included their families. He didn't leave anything to fortune.

Light realized that L was very afraid of this murderer. He was even more alerted then he was of Kira.

_Beyond Birthday…_

Light realized who he was as soon as he opened his file. The murder cases from LA. He studied them before he even met L. It was the case L almost failed to accomplish.

Light frowned. There was clearly something missing in those files. For example photos from the time of Beyond's arrest. Even the photo he saw on the internet when he wrote his name was dated earlier.

But that was not what concerned Light the most. He didn't understand _how_ he was still alive. Maybe Beyond Birthday was not his real name… if it was only an alias, it would make sense he didn't die. _Who would name a kid Beyond Birthday anyway?_

"Father… what do you think of this... Beyond Birthday person?" Light suddenly asked.

Soichiro frowned: "I think he must be very dangerous. Ryuzaki seemed even more scared then he was of Shinigami."

Light nodded: "You are right. I never saw him like this before."

"By the way he reacted I assume there is some personal matter between them."

Light nodded: "Ryuzaki got him to prison, so a personal vendetta seems pretty logical to me."

Soichiro let out a small laugh: "Son… I think you are a little too close to Ryuzaki too see clearly."

Light felt his cheeks heating up: "He's my friend!" he said defensively.

"I know Light, but think about it a little… this is not _that kind_ of vendetta…this Beyond Birthday knew exactly where to go to find Ryuzaki's… _family_. That means he probably knows his real identity as L and knows things we can only speculate about."

Light frowned. His father was right. Why the hell was he not thinking about it?

Then it struck him: Ryuzaki was L. The woman from the FBI was K. And L addressed Beyond Birthday as B. It meant he _was_ probably one of them!

"Don't let your friendship with Ryuzaki cloud your judgement Light. I know you got closer and to be true I am glad you finally have someone to talk to on your level but… you are young. Don't get too attached. This is a risky job and Ryuzaki… _L…_ has many enemies. Even if we all survive past the Kira case, there will be many others who will attempt for his life. And the loss of someone close to you would be devastating for you."

Light was taken aback by his father's speech: "Father… everyone who loses someone close to them would be devastated."

"Yes son, but I saw detectives who lost their working partners at a young age and most of them ended badly. Left the job, ran to the mafia and they were dead sooner or later. And all of that because of guilt and grief. I just want you to be careful, that's all."

Light smirked: "Father, this is " _L"_ we are talking about. He won't make a mistake. And even if he did, I am around and I'll make sure he won't die."

Soichiro frowned and said nothing. But he was mostly concerned. In the past few weeks he saw change in Light. He seemed happier and even looked 18 for a change. It was kinda clear that his friendship with Ryuzaki made him somehow softer.

 _Which is an irony because Ryuzaki is as soft as a razor._ Soichiro thought to himself.

They stopped in front of their house and the chief watched his son leaving the car. He was obviously lost in his thoughts again. His face was filled with worries.

A thought came across Soichiro's mind: _Could he be….?_

He shook his head and left the car. He really didn't want to admit a possible scenario that Light was _in love_ with Ryuzaki.

* * *

L was angry with himself. The moment he saw Beyond's face on the monitor broke something within him. Not only that he was alive, he also tried to get to the kids.

 _What the hell did he tell to Mello?_ He asked himself.

He did not call him yet and he didn't plan to. He didn't want to scare the boy even more. This was the discussion they needed to have eye to eye. At least that's what he owed to Mello.

He made a mental note to reinstall all the cameras around the orphanage with the newest technology and microphones. He should have done it a long time ago. The truth is, they lost vigilance. He and Watari were just sure the orphanage was safe, and they didn't upgrade security systems for the last year and a half. Last time, before the Kira case started.

At the moment, L was still sitting behind his computer at HQ and he was rewriting the whole security system of the orphanage from the scratch. He was all alone. The task force left half an hour ago, and even Light decided to visit his family after a long time.

 _Light…_ L's mind stopped at the teenager.

He was afraid of what was gonna come, when Light stepped inside HQs earlier that day. He feared that Light might even reveal what happened to the task force in effort to apologize to him. But before anything could really happen the BB disaster came a L totally lost control of himself. When he saw Beyond trying to reach Mello through the fence he was ready to kill him with his bare hands. He even lost control to the point where he destroyed the phone and one monitor. That wasn't very much like him. The fact is, he was on the edge of panic attack. If it wasn't for Light he would probably have a breakdown in front of the whole task force.

But the moment Light pulled him into the hug and he inhaled his manly scent with a hint of whipped cream and strawberries all the panic from his body started fading away. He felt safe, home and protected. He quickly managed to come back to reality, collect himself and start to think. All the process happened within seconds. The moment when Light pulled away, he knew exactly what he had to do. But he knew he can't manage such a risky plan alone. He needed his sister there to watch over him. The second pair of fresh unaffected eyes.

Firstly, he intended to send K and the kids away and manage Beyond by himself but he realized he was not in the position to do it, not alone. He can't have both his demon lovers behind his back without back up.

* * *

Light was lost in his thoughts the whole evening. He somehow managed to keep the conversation during dinner, but as they sat down with tea in the living room, Light's mind started to wander again. He tried to pick up all the pieces he knew about L and get them together with events of the day. But he realized, he doesn't really know anything about him. Light managed to blab everything about himself from his childhood to the size of socks during their nights together. But L was always just a listener. Light knew he was somewhere in his middle twenties, probably English origin, by his accent, he had some asian roots and Watari was the closest he had to a family. At least that's what he thought until today. But as L said himself: He needed to get _his family_ to safety. Which means there is a family. But family of what kind? His parents? Siblings? Kids? He couldn't have children, right? He was not _that_ old. And if there really are kids, does it mean could be… _a wife?_

Light swallowed hard and felt like someone kicked his guts.

His mind stopped at the blond woman Ryuzaki sent to " _pick up the kids"_. He said she was his agent. But it was obvious from the way they spoke to each other they were more familiar than that.

_Could she be his wife? And that blond kid from the video their child?_

For the first time in his life he felt the knife of jealousy stabbing into his chest. It was an unpleasant feeling that made his head spinning and his heart aching.

* * *

Sachiko Yagami was observing her son all evening. He seemed worried about something. He was talking to them but his mind was somewhere far away. He didn't even notice when his father and sister went to sleep. She let out a sigh: "Light, dear, what's wrong?"

Light finally came back to earth and looked around. His father and Sayu were already gone. His mother was looking at him with worries.

"Nothing mum. I was just thinking about my work."

His mother didn't seem to believe him.

"Hmm… okay. I thought perhaps something happened between you and Misa…"

Light shook his head: "Nothings wrong with Misa mum."

Sachiko poured another cup of tea for Light and herself. She was talking very calmly. She knew Light gets quickly scared away when she pushes him too much.

"Nothing wrong with Misa. I am glad to hear that."

She smiled and he smiled back at her. But that smile was not sincere at all.

"Then maybe someone else? Is there someone else who might be… bothering you?" She picked her words cautiously.

Light frowned into his cup. He really needed to talk to someone about all this. He needed to get it out of the system: "There is someone at work who... who… I wronged and I don't know how to fix it."

"I see…" she said. "... well did you apologize to this person?"

Light shook his head: "I didn't have a chance yet. I wanted to but everything just… got tangled today." he let out a frustrated sigh: "...and I am afraid I might actually lose... _this person_..."

Sachiko suppressed a smile. She knew _that look_ of dreamy eyes and the silent worries hidden behind them. Whoever this person was it was kinda obvious Light was in love with them.

"Light, dear, and does the situation have something to do with the fact that you have feelings for this person?"

Light looked at his mother in surprise. She gave him a reassuring smile.

"Am I that obvious?" he asked, feeling insecure.

"To most people, I am sure you are not." She stood up and went to sit right next to her son: "But I am your mother. A mother should know her child better than anyone else." She took his hand to her own.

Light silently nodded. He wasn't sure how much his mother actually knows him, but she was right for this time.

 _Let's call it an intuition._ He thought to himself.

There was a moment of silence. Sachiko was thinking. Light did not use any gender when addressing his new love interest. She knew what it meant without a second thought. She was suspicious about her son's orientation in the past and she was surprised when he brought Misa home last year. She had her own theory about Misa being only his hiding cloak to deny it, but she never really had proof that her son is interested in man. Well, until now.

"But Light, if you have feelings for _this person_... Why are you dating Misa?"

Light leaned his back into the chair and hid his eyes by his hand:

"She has an important connection to our investigation and it is necessary to keep her close... She's obsessed with me so I don't really have a choice. But I don't even like her!"

Sachiko nodded. That made much more sense. She could easily imagine Light doing this for his job. He was so devoted to it. But this investigation won't be there forever so… she decided to theorize a little:

"Okay, let's forget about Misa for a moment. What would it be like, if you werent dating her? Would you date this… _new person_?"

Light looked at his mother. She was watching him with eyes full of love and understanding.

"I don't know… probably not. It is a little more complicated."

Sachiko nodded. "I see. Why don't you tell me where the problem is between you and … _the colleague_?"

Light hesitated and took a snip from his cup first:

"We… We were close friends and I know that _the person_ has feelings for me too but can't act on them because we work together. And we had a confrontation about it. I … I … demanded more, things went out of control and now everything is even more messed up than before." Light blurted and hid his face in his hands.

Sachiko reached her hand and stroked his hair: "Oh sweetheart… It's gonna be okay. But you really need to apologize to _him_."

"But I don't know if I'll even have a chance, he is just so…" Light stopped and eyed his mother when he realized what she said.

She nodded and smiled at him: "It's okay honey. You don't have to lie to me."

Light stared at her with pure shock: "You… you know?"

"I had a suspicion."

Light jerked back a little: "And you don't mind?"

Sachiko kissed his forehead: "Honey, you are my son and I will love you no matter what. The fact that you are gay wont change anything about it."

Light felt tears building behind his eyes and he couldn't suppress them. Sachiko stroked his hair and pulled him into a hug. He felt like a little boy again silently sobbing into her chest. For the first time in years he let down his guard in front of his family and it didn't feel wrong. Quite opposite. He felt loved and protected. He stayed in his mother's embrace for long minutes before she pulled out and forced him to look her in the eyes: "Look, honey, you say this man…"

"Ryuzaki." Light interrupted her.

She smiled: "So Ryuzaki has feelings for you too?"

Light nodded and felt his lips turning into a small smile. It was so nice to hear his name from his mother's lips.

"If you are sure your feelings are mutual you shouldn't give up. If you wronged him, apologize and do everything you can to make it right. But remember, true love is patient. It does not demand anything. Give all you can and don't expect to get anything back."

Light was thinking about her words. What she said was much like the thing Watari told him a few days ago. He knew they were both right. He was giving all he could and he still expected to get something back. But L wasn't like that. At least not now. If he wanted to be with him, he needed to give more than passion, sex and his inteligence.

Sachiko saw Light frowning again:

"Oh honey, what's wrong? Is it that complicated?"

It was like his mother was reading his mind: "It's just that… Ryuzaki he is… He is complicated himself, I am complicated too and the situation is even MORE complicated…" he gave her mother an apologetic smile: "Sorry. I don't know how to explain it."

Sachiko smiled at him: "It sounds like you are made for each other."

Light's eyes started shining like a sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hell… I enjoy writing L and Light longing for each other. Such a drama queen! :D
> 
> How do you feel about Soichiro/Sachiko parenting? :P I thought it'll be nice to bring them in. It could be an interesting comparison with L's family later on. :D
> 
> Next time - Meeting with L's family!


	8. The family

Light was trying to make his way to L all day. They were still sitting next to each other as they were working but Light wanted to talk to him alone. It seemed impossible. L was working on something without taking a break and when it came to bathroom breaks, he took them together with Matsuda, or others, which gave Light the clear message: _I don't wanna be alone with you._

He felt frustrated. He even considered talking to him in front of the others but he knew it would end with a disaster. Email apologies were out of question. He was _dying_ to talk to L.

 _Maybe this will teach me patience._ He thought to himself and growled internally.

In that moment, Watari came in and spoke to L:

"Sir, I had a very unpleasant phone call from the FBI. The superintendent insisted to find out why we had our agent posting as an intern within their forces."

L turned on his chair to face him: "What did you tell him?"

"I told him that miss _Catherine Laurent_ is not our agent but an important witness in the Kira investigation and we only needed to get her out of the building so our forces could get to her."

L frowned: "Did he fall for that?"

"I don't think so sir. And I suggest that you should be a little more careful with the FBI next time. They won't be overlooking your methods forever."

L nodded and turned back to his computer. But his eyes met Light's for a moment. There were things unspoken between them and Light saw a hint of pain behind those grey eyes. But the pain was gone in a second as L pulled his mask up and turned fully to his computer.

Light did the same but he couldn't concentrate on his work so instead he continued thinking things through. There was one thing off about yesterday's events and that thing contained _Miss Catherine Laurent_ : The fact that L took his call in front of everyone. He _wanted_ them to hear. But why? He was a box of secrets until now. What changed?

* * *

The special meeting on Beyond Birthday topic was scheduled that evening at 8 PM. So when the time came, they were all staring at the screen near the main door where the projector was showing images of the murderer. He had wild strawberry blond hair, red unwavering eyes and a bright burn scar on the right side of his face.

"This is Beyond Birthday… age 27, 185 cm tall, circa 80 kilograms of weight. As you all read in his file he is a convicted murderer from a Los Angeles case I solved a few years ago. He was in LA prison after that and we believed he died this january as a victim of one of Kira's rages."

L started and stood right next to the screen.

"How he managed to fake his death is still a mystery to me. But his name is not in Higuchi's Death Note which means his name was never written or... And that is more probable, his name is in the Death Note of the original Kira."

"But if it was, he would be dead, right?" Matsuda asked.

Light rolled his eyes: "Beyond Birthday is obviously not his real name."

Everyone eyed him and L nodded: "That's the right conclusion as always Yagami-kun. If Beyond Birthday is only an alias, which, I am now pretty sure it is, he probably used the moment when his prison mates were dying to fake his own death and escaped."

Soichiro frowned: "He had most probably accomplice. The doctor who claimed him dead."

L nodded: "Yes, I had him checked. Unfortunately, he mysteriously died in a car accident only a few weeks after."

Light choked: "What a coincidence…"

"However, I had no reason to be suspicious about this because I had my own agent to identify and check the body."

They all eyed L with a frown and Aizawa spoke up: "The woman from yesterday's call? Is she under suspicion?"

L shook his head: "No, she isn't. Agent K has my every confidence."

"Well that's good to know." A voice echoed from the main door. There, next to Watari stood the mentioned woman herself with a white-haired sleeping boy in her arms and another blond boy standing right next to her. It was the boy from the photage. The one who spoke with the murderer himself.

L quickly turned off the projector as he saw the look on Mello's face and when he turned back to face him, Mello was already running to him and jumped in his arms.

"Dad!" the boy yelled with excitement.

L hugged him tightly and kissed his hair: "Hi Mells."

The task force did nothing, but stare, with shocked wide eyes.

Meanwhile K slightly caressed Near's back and whispered: "Wake up, sleepyhead. Look who is here."

The nest of white hair arose from her chest and two big sleepy eyes were looking at her questioningly. She nodded her head in L's direction and made a few steps closer. When Near turned around and saw L, his lips turned into a cute smile: "Father…" he said calmly.

"Oh hello baby…" L said with all the love he had in his heart, positioned Mello on one of his arms and he reached out for Near with the other. K wanted to hand him over but as she came closer, Mello reached out to punch his younger brother: "Get away, Snowball!" he snapped.

"Mello!" K, L and Watari warned him as one. The boy turned away and hid his face into L's neck. K came closer again and Near climbed into his father's arms. They were staring at each other for a moment and Near reached out to touch L's face. The younger boy touched his father's nose, then cheeks and chin. He simply wanted to remember his features for the next time, they'll be apart. L was taken by the gesture and pulled Near closer to kiss his forehead. Then the boy finally relaxed in his arms and leaned his head against L's shoulder.

* * *

The moment the blond kid called L " _dad"_ , Light's heart shattered into pieces. He felt jealous, betrayed and he even thought that L never had any feelings for him at all. But that thought left him as fast as it came to him. When he saw all the love L was showing to his little ones he realized, it was the same kind of love he saw in his eyes, when L thought he was not looking. Late at nights, when they were exhausted from all the sex or when Light was telling him his childhood stories. Those moments were hard to recognize sometimes, but now, when Light was confronted with pure love in L's eyes, he was sure.

Light was watching the smaller kid and saw L's features. The eyes, the shape of his face. The older kid didn't take much of his father. He actually looked more like agent K.

 _Please don't be his wife_ … Light told himself and meant it like a prayer.

* * *

After a moment of hugging, L slowly put boys to the ground.

"Near did not sleep through the flight. He couldn't wait to see you again. He finally slumbered in the car but you should take him to bed anyway." K said while she leaned in to hug L. He was unresponsive towards her, as ever. She rolled her eyes and put a peck on his cheek as she was pulling out.

"How did you manage to get from NY to England and then to Japan within 32 hours?" he asked her, completely skipping the welcoming part.

She smirked: "I may, or may not have a friend with a very, very fast plane."

L shrugged: "Allright, keep your secrets. I'll find out anyway."

K stepped aside, to face the task force and L felt as both the boys caught on his jeans, slightly hiding behind him.

"Everyone listen up…" L addressed the task force: "I want you to meet my sons Mello and Near. I will do my best to keep them out of the investigation room but you'll be seeing them around. Their japanese is not exactly fluent yet, so please use English to talk to them."

They nodded, but their expressions were priceless. They obviously didn't expect L to have kids. Well maybe chief Yagami did, but the rest of them were in a state of shock. L took a brief look at Light's face. Emotions in his eyes were changing at a fast tempo. There was pain, grief, jealousy, envy, fear and… _love?_

L didn't have that much time to think about it, because there was another person to introduce:

"And this… is K. My number one agent."

K bowed in japanese style and then smiled at them.

"She's also my sister." L added.

The shocked expressions deepened even more and they both felt as eyes of the men were jumping from one to the other. Matsuda's chin almost touched the ground.

"But… but you … you are not similar at all!" He told them.

"What?" K slightly tugged her head and looked at her brother questioningly.

L gave her a bored look.

Then it clicked!

"Oh shit! I am so sorry!" She blurted and started to pull pins out of her hair. With a few quick moves she unpined her wig and strands of black hair started falling out. When she took it off, a long raven back hair fell around her face.

"Elie could you…?" She told her brother and pointed at the back of her neck where the false skin was attached to her own.

L rolled his eyes and reached out to help her detach the false skin: "Don't call me that."

It only took a few moments and more than a few gasps from the task force. They watched as L and K removed a layer of a false skin that was somehow attached to her face.

"I am so used to being in disguise that I sometimes forget how I actually look like…" she said when the mask was finally down. Her features changed rapidly. The suntanned blonde was gone, replaced by a pale, black haired woman whose features were very close to L's own's. But her face was not so sharp, her lips were full and she had no dark bags under her eyes. She looked much healthier than her brother did. And the major difference between them was eye color. L has grey eyes while K's are dark blue.

The first one to recover from the change in front of them, was surprisingly Matsuda: "But you… you are twins?"

K smiled: "Yes, we are."

"That's amazing…" Matsuda said, without thinking.

Everyone eyed him questioningly.

"Well… I wouldn't say amazing, but once you get old enough for people to stop mistake one with the other then… I guess it can be labeled as pretty good to have a twin..." K answered, a little amused and changed her voice to mysterious: "...the other part of your soul."

L rolled his eyes. She was teasing him. _Here we go again._

L cleared his throat: "Now that you are all acquainted with my family I would like to continue our previous meeting."

Everyone seemed to come back to reality and turned their attention from K, to L.

"K, I see you are in a talkative mood. So you'll get the task force acquainted with the facts about… the topic…" he slightly tugged his head in the direction of the kids to indicate he doesn't want to mention BB in front of them. "... I will show boys to their room meanwhile."

Then he switched to french, which he knew, no one but them could speak: "... and leave the kids out of the story."

K nodded and L turned to the staircase, showing boys out.

Mello was disappointed to leave: "But dad, can we stay a little longer, I have a few theories on Kira that will be helpful!"

The task force chuckled and L sent them a murderous gaze: "Well I'll gladly hear them Mello. But we must leave _the officers_ to office work."

Aizawa and Mogi clenched their fists at that.

K smirked: "Don't worry, he doesn't mean it." she whispered as she watched them climb the stairs: "...he just wants the kids to know he takes them seriously."

Soichiro nodded: "That's a commendable approach".

She nodded and smiled: "Anyway, please, call me KT."

"KT? What does it stand for?" Matsuda asked.

She opened her mouth to speak but L was faster as he spoke from the top of the stairs: "Killer tyrannosaurus".

Before anyone could blink, KT took a cookie from the table and threw it at her brother with all her strength. L hardly managed to bend down before the cookie shattered against the wall.

Mello bursted laughing. L straightened again with a frown: "That was a total waste of a perfect cookie!" he said with a slightly disturbed voice.

"I will stuff the cookie to your ass next time." KT mumbled to herself.

Watari who happened to be right next to her was shaking his head in disbelief: "And we wondered where Mello took his sibling rivalry."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT Author's note:
> 
> Characters age: Mello is 8 and Near is only 5 years old! I had to adapt their age so they could be really L's kids (L has his canon 25 right now). Even so, he had them like… crazy young. :D But I will give you that backstory later! ;)
> 
> Name of L's sister: K - please, read it as the english letter - Kei. Or her nickname KT as KeiTee/KeiTi - as the two english letters. ;)
> 
> So… KT, Mello and Near are stepping into the game! Did you expect L to be a dad? Or that K was in disguise when I described her as blonde in chapter 6? Let me know what you think! I cant wait to hear from you. :)
> 
> Next time: The truth about L and BB.


	9. The cold hard truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unimportant Author's note:
> 
> I forgot to mention. K's nickname KT is given after my favourite Mello cosplayer. Please check KonekoCosplay on youtube. Their interpretation of Matt and Mello is one of the best I've seen. ;) ;) ;)

L walked boys to their new room. It was only one door beside his new room. Watari insisted on him moving from his old quarters so Light can't go after him. L wasn't happy about it but he obeyed. It was better for his plan anyway. If he wanted to keep Light occupied with building their relationship from the scratch, he could not have him close anyway. If Light would come to him, they would probably ended up having sex and his plan would be doomed.

_No… I can't let that happen. I can't give in so easily._ He told himself.

He eyed his sons, as they were walking the corridors. At least he was sure Light would not hurt them. No matter how evil Kira was, he never killed children.

"Why do we have to share a room?" Mello asked him, as they walked inside. "I don't wanna be with him! He's a kid!"

L's face hasn't changed but he was frowning at him inside: _Really, Mello?_

"I agree with Mello, father. Giving us one room might be highly counterproductive for our studies."

L didn't have much time to think about parenting strategy so he only came out with the truth: "You will be sharing a room, because it is the best for your safety."

Mello rolled his eyes: "But dad...I am almost a teenager! I need my privacy! And I don't want to look after a kid."

"I am very competent at looking after myself. Thank you." Near told him.

"As far as I count, you are eight years old Mello. That's still far enough from being a teenager. Although I thought you were far more intelligent than that. Maybe I was wrong..." L stopped and bit his thumb. He watched as Mello's eyes flickered with anger.

"I AM more intelligent! I am far more intelligent than any teenager." The boy said, offended.

L bent down to him. They were eyes: "Well that's good to know! I was afraid you are just a little boy, sulking about having his brother in the room. I am happy I was wrong!"

Mello squeezed his lips into a hard line. He hated being scolded but he had nothing to say to that. And he needed to be careful. As his daddy told him… _be careful with L._

* * *

"So what do you know so far?" KT asked them, as the projector went back on. They were already introduced to one another and KT was ready to start her task.

"Ryuzaki only told us the basics about Beyond Birthday and the LA case." Chief Yagami told her.

KT choked on her coffee and eyed Watari: "He goes by Ryuzaki?!"

Watari only nodded.

KT chuckled: "This is gonna be fun." Then she bit her lower lip and started: "So... Beyond Birthday, also known as B, BB or... Rue Ryuzaki."

There was a pregnant pause as she watched their reactions. They all looked confused.

"He goes by the same alias as your brother?" Aizawa finally asked.

KT shook her head: "Actually… BB used that alias first. My brother kinda… stole it after the LA case."

"Why would he do that?" Light asked.

"Well it was kind of a retaliation… because Beyond tried to steal L's identity."

They were staring at her, not really getting it. KT scratched the back of her head and turned to Watari again: "Do we have some BB's photos from the time of the LA case?"

Watari nodded and after a moment photos on screen changed. They were all staring at photos of Ryuzaki.

"But thats…" Matsuda started but KT cut him off: "That's Beyond Birthday. In disguise as L."

They were staring at photos with disbelief.

"Holly crap…" Aizawa let out.

"Yeah… something like that…" KT agreed: "The problem is, BB is a master of disguise. We actually had the same teacher. And he knows my brother so he can imitate him effectively."

Light frowned at that: "So he has some connection to your family?"

KT looked at Watari and he nodded, giving her permission to speak.

"We grew up in the same orphanage."

Again, silence.

Light was staring at her with wide eyes: "You and L… you are orphans?"

KT nodded: "We were taken to the orphanage for gifted children at the age of 6. We grew up there with some other children and we were trained in different arts. Beyond Birthday included. L showed incredible abilities with logic and deductive skills and started solving cases at age of 11. While me and Beyond were more into field work and part of our training contained disguise making and acting in roles. So when it comes to masks, BB is as skilled as I am. That makes him dangerous for you all. He could easily try to trick you in L's costume and try to kidnap you or kill you to get here."

"How do we tell them apart?" Mogi asked.

"Well… hardly and yet easily. Beyond is taller than L but you will not see it at first sight when he is slouching. But he has to wear contacts because of the eye color. So if you are close enough to see him in the eye, you can be sure who is who."

Watari intervened: "By tomorrow morning we will also start checking you whenever you come to the building. Just to be sure he is not in disguise as one of the task force."

They were all staring at him with wide eyes.

"You think he will reveal our identities?" Chief Yagami asked.

Watari shook his head: "Hope not. But he will definitely come to Japan. Maybe he is here already and we can't leave anything to chance."

Chief Yagami nodded with a frown.

"But you still left out why is Beyond Birthday so obsessed with L." Light finally asked what was on his mind for a few minutes already.

K bit her lower lip: "Well… they…." she thought how to say it right: "... they were kinda…." she was gesturing with her palms together as if she was making a snowball. "They were fu…"

"They were in a relationship." Watari cut her off, giving her a stern look.

* * *

L waited in the room until they unpacked their things. Near had only a few toys, some clothing, his laptop and some books. Mello on the other hand, had tons of clothing and a laptop. L frowned when he saw some of Mello's clothing pieces. Especially a large leather jacket, that was obviously not his. It was Beyond's. He knew Mello kept it, when they were getting rid of his things. But he didn't expect Mello would bring it with him. _That thing_ was bringing back memories.

L let out a sigh and sat down at one of the beds: "Nate, Mihael.. Come here. We have to talk about something…"

The boys came to sit beside him. Mello still had that jacket in his hands, like he was protecting it: "Is it about daddy?" he asked, less confident than before.

L nodded.

"You told us he is dead..." Mello continued "... but I saw him. I wasn't sure at first, because he looks different, but I know it was him."

"I didn't lie about it, Mello. I believed he died. I was also surprised to see him alive."

"But why didn't he come to us sooner? And why did he run away?"

L held his breath. He wanted to tell them the truth when they were older, but he did not have much of a choice now.

"Because your father…." L placed his hands at the backs of both boys: "...he is… convicted of multiple murders and currently on a run."

There was a moment of silence. L saw the shock in their eyes and the tears that were building behind Mello's eyes. Near's reaction wasn't so strong. He couldn't remember Beyond after all. He was not even three years old, when B left. But it was different with Mello. L believed the boy would not recognize B either, but he was wrong. Mello had much more memories of Beyond and he loved him dearly. The boy always saw himself in him when he was little. B was always Mello's favourite parent. L was never jealous about it. He wasn't home much anyway and he was happy that Beyond was so amazing with their boys. That memory was hurting him. And the story he was about to tell them now, was even more painful. So he took a deep breath and he told them the cold hard truth: The story about A killing himself, about B leaving them and about the LA case. When he finished the room was filled with Mello's sobs and heavy silence from Near.

"See Mello, that's why he can't come back to us. He is not the same as you remember him. Do you understand?"

Mello silently nodded, his head hidden behind his knees.

"Mell, baby, now I need to know what he told you, back at Wammy's." L told him, while caressing the small of boys back.

The boy didn't react for a moment so L pushed: "Mihael?"

"He…." Mello sobbed and took his time: "... he told me he misses us."

Mello's mind was working at light speed. He was deeply hurt by what L just told him about Beyond and somewhere inside he decided not to believe him. So he took a deep breath… and lied: "...and that he will find you, bring you home and we will be family again."

L felt like someone kicked his guts. He pulled Mello into a hug: "Honey, that is not possible. I am so sorry."

And the boy was crying on the outside. While inside he was already calculating. Near only silently sat and watched them.

L was still stroking Mello's hair while asking: "Do you know what I have to do?"

Mello nodded, looking up: "You have to catch him again. And bring him to justice."

L kissed his forehead: "Correct."

"Father?" Near finally addressed him: "Could we see the LA case files?"

L frowned: "Do you really want to?"

Near nodded and eyed Mello with a questioning look. Mello nodded too.

"Alright, I'll have Watari send them to you both. And we can talk about the case later, okay?"

"Okay." They both said as one.

L smirked at their synchronization. Maybe they can handle it together after all.

"I have to go back to the HQs now, but before I go, we need to settle some rules."

Both boys eyed him and Near spoke up, before L could: "It is forbidden to speak about your ability to carry a child."

L nodded: "Correct. So if someone asks you about your father, it is only me. No one will know about Beyond. And as for your… mother… we will come up with some cover story and inform you soon enough."

They both nodded.

"Don't worry, dad. We never called you mommy anyway." Mello added.

* * *

"Yeah… they were in a relationship." She repeated and took a look at the men in front of her. She bit her inner cheek. She knew Japan is a little backward in this but she didn't expect frowns on their faces and heavy silence in the room. And it was getting really uncomfortable.

_No wonder L left this meeting to me… bastard._

Again, the first one to recover was Touta Matsuda:

"Well… wow! Your brother is full of surprises. Two kids, twin sister and a gay relationship with a killer…. that's… unexpected."

_He doesn't judge, that's good. I like him._ KT thought and smiled.

"So you are saying that your brother, the greatest detective in the world, was in a relationship with a murderer?" Aizawa asked, speaking very slowly as if he couldn't believe it.

KT frowned: "Yes, but it is important to say that they were together before Beyond started killing. He was a normal guy. Little bit eccentric and egoistic but when I say normal I really mean it. But then… a friend of his committed suicide and Beyond dissapeared without a trace. He reapered a year later in LA and started killing people. Of course, we didn't know it was him at first."

Watari joined in: "Beyond used his knowledge about L to sabotage the investigation. He even managed to kidnap L and tried to kill him. When we got to them and Beyond realized he failed, he set himself on fire."

"Anyway, we don't know what exactly triggered that change in him. As I said before. He was alright. He had his moments, but who doesn't?" KT asked.

"You seem very protective over him." Aizawa said.

KT narrowed her eyes at him: "What are you implying?"

Aizawa stood from his chair: "That you speak of him highly, even after his crimes and you were the one to check his body."

"She speaks of him highly…." L's voice cut in as he came back to the room: "...because we all grew together, so it is only natural. And if the fact that K was the one to check the corpse makes her suspect, I am about to be considered one too."

"And how is that?"

"Because I was the one to refuse Beyond's autopsy."

KT looked at her brother, as he finally came closer and noticed he had red reddish eyes. He was probably crying… or fought hard not to cry.

There was a moment of silence before Aizawa spoke again: "I just don't like the fact that you treat your own family with benefits while chief Yagami had to put his own family under your surveillance."

KT frowned at L: "What the hell did you do?"

L sat to his chair and took a lollipop: "I don't have to explain myself to you, Aizawa-san. You could already have enough trust in my detective abilities to know that I examine every possibility. And my sister is not a threat."

KT was looking between them in shock and she interrupted just when Aizawa was about to reply: "Alright, that's enough. Do you still have that lie detector?"

L nodded: "But you don't have to do that."

"I know, but I want to. Being under suspicion from your task force wouldn't be a good way to start. Don't you think?"

"I don't care." L said and bit into his lollipop. He was acting more asshole than usual.

"Well I do." KT folded her hands on her chest: "Just bring the fucking device so we can get over it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Dad = L  
> *Daddy = Beyond
> 
> So it is officialy out... just tell me the truth... Did you see it coming? I know some of you did! :D :D :D


	10. The plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I want to thank you for all the support you showed me till now! I am enjoying your comments soo sooo much! And I am happy that a lot of you is so much into this story! It means a lot to me! 
> 
> I just want you to know that I am about slow on updates from now on. Not that I am giving up on the story, hell no... but the chapters Ive been posting till now are reposts from FF.net and right now, Ive got you both synchronized. That means you caught up with my real-time writing tempo and that is one chapter a week. Just so you know! 
> 
> Love you!

"I have a few theories about how B was able to get out of prison, but I guess it's not that important now…" KT started when they were finally alone. Just her, L and Watari in his office. It was almost one in the morning. She was tired as hell from the journey and even more from the meeting. It was a very long evening full of unpleasant frowns and questions from the men she just met. Not to mention the lie detector. She really wanted to go to sleep. But nope. L insisted on another private meeting.

_Thank God I had a coffee..._

"... what concerns me is why Beyond showed himself and why did he do it now. I mean… he could have a perfect moment of surprise when he got here and he could get to you without anyone noticing."

KT and Watari sat down on the sofa as she was talking. L was leaning against the table.

"Yes, I've been thinking about that too but that can wait..."

KT tilted her head slightly.

"I need to talk to you about something else." L continued and she watched him with confusion.

"I need you to supervise me on the Kira case."

KT's chin almost touched the ground. After a moment she blinked a few times and shook her whole body to get to reality: "I am sorry… I think I misheard."

L rolled his eyes: "I've been compromised. So I need another pair of eyes to supervise what I do. I am worried I might miss something because I am not thinking clearly..."

KT did not believe what she just heard and she stopped him: "Wait a sec… What do you mean by not thinking clearly? How exactly have you been compromised?"

L rolled his shoulders and tried to look indifferent and composed but KT didn't miss how he bit his inner cheek: "I am romantically involved with my prime suspect."

KT burst laughing.

"Yeah… sure. Good one. Anything else I need to know? Perhaps the suspect is one of the task force or something?" She asked with a high level of irony in her voice.

But the only answer she got was silence and L looking at his feet.

KT's smile died on her lips.

_Jesus… he only does that when he's feeling guilty. Does that mean…?_

She eyed Watari who only slightly nodded in confirmation.

KT put her palm over her eyes and loudly exhaled. She could literally feel the migraine starting, but her mind was sharp as ever:

_Of course L has some suspect in the Kira case._

_Of course L would keep that suspect close._

_What did Yagami-san tell was the reason his son joined the investigation? Intelligence? Deductive skills? Wide opened hole in his ass?_

"Light Yagami." She said, meaning it as a question but it came out more like an announcement.

L nodded.

* * *

"Mello, I would like to ask you a question." Near told him late at night, when they should be sleeping already. But they didn't. Mello was writing something into his diary and Near played with his robots, while silently thinking things through.

Mello looked up from his diary and waited for the question. An idea to tease Near about his communicative skills crossed his mind, but he decided he's too tired to do it.

"What is Beyond Birthday like?"

Mello frowned at him: "You mean, what is our daddy like?"

"I am not sure if I can address him with such familiarity. I do not remember him."

"Yeah but he is still your father." Mello said and then he smirked: "But you know what? You are right… he's just _my daddy_. You can call him whatever you want."

"Would you please answer my question?"

Mello growled and turned fully to Near. They were both sitting on their beds. Mello crossed legged and Near with his head on his knee.

"He's… I don't know…" there was a pause: "He is loud and strong. And… playful. Not much like dad."

"I would definitely describe our dad as playful." Near opposed.

"Yeah, but different playful. Daddy is _actually fun_ , not just solve-me-a-riddle fun."

"I see…" Near bit his thumb. "So you are mourning him so badly, because he made you feel like a child you should be, not like the next greatest detective."

Mello gasped and wanted to punch Near: "I mourn him, because he's my father Near! He was supposed to be my hero not a villain. What the hell are you trying to prove here?"

"Don't be rude please, I am just trying to understand."

"Yeah, I see that. Just go to sleep and let me be." Mello turned away again.

Near actually did as his brother said. He disappeared under covers and the room was silent again. At least for a few minutes. Then Mello realized Near was silently crying to his pillow.

He rolled his eyes: "Why are you crying?"

There was a moment of silence.

"If I examined my emotions right, I might be jealous of your memories about our father."

There was another moment of silence.

Mello felt guilty for being rude at his little brother. Near was right. He had some memories of his daddy, a few of his dad and only two or three about both of them together. But Near? He was little when daddy left and dad wasn't almost home after that so… he really... had nothing.

Mello let out a sigh and rolled his eyes: "Get here, Nate."

Near lifted up on one elbow and watched him curiously.

"Not gonna tell you twice, _snowball_." Mello said, with his bossy tone.

Near stood up and slowly came to Mello's bed, with a teddy bear under his shoulder. The older boy shifted and made him space. The little one layed next to his brother and felt as Mello wrapped him into his own covers. A moment later, they were laying there, eyes to eyes, taking comfort from each other's presence.

"Will you please tell me those memories you have about daddy and dad?" Near asked, sleepy.

Mello nodded and started telling him what he remembered. He decided to put his animosity away for a moment. They can be enemies again in the morning. But for now, Near needed his older brother. He doesn't have to tell him that he needs him too.

* * *

"So… tell me again, because I don't really follow!" She told him, after good 10 minutes of explanations. L told her the short version of the Kira investigation story but she still didn't seem to understand. _Or is she just teasing me?_

L growled as she was repeating it for the third time:

"So he was your suspect, you decided to invite him to help you so you can watch him closely and you ended up fucking him?"

L rolled his shoulders: "Technically he was fucking me…"

KT hid her face with her hands and was only watching him with one eye: "Too much detail Elie…"

"You wanted me to explain it…" he said, acting completely oblivious.

"Yeah I regret it already… but what were you thinking? Do you realize how dangerous this is?" KT stood up and started pacing back and forth the room.

L only nodded: "Yes, I do. And I am not happy about the situation either. But I can hardly do anything with my feelings, so can we _please_ move on?"

"Oh… so its not just fucking.. you have feelings for him… great! That's just GREAT!" she said and sat down again with a growl.

"Miss K, I believe your brother is not entirely guilty. From what I know, it was Light Yagami who initiated this relationship and I also believe it is their relationship that's keeping us alive. The feelings Light Yagami has for L are keeping him focused on something else than killing." Watari told her.

L eyed him in disbelief. He thought Watari was not with him on this. Maybe he was wrong. Or maybe he's just trying to keep KT's rage under control.

But as KT did not know the details of the Kira case, she was completely lost and focused only on her brother's actions: "Still... you were sure he was Kira, and you let your guard down around him anyway?"

"Yes… no… I mean… when it started he wasn't Kira… he had no memories of being Kira. But now he is Kira again and he didn't kill me, that means I managed at least something."

KT hid her face with both her hands again and sounded frustrated: "You are not making any sense…"

L rolled his eyes again: "Just read the Kira case files. I will send you my personal notes and you will understand."

"Okay… let's say I will. What do you want me to do then? Because honestly, I thought you invited me here to search for Beyond not to… look after you and your killer lover." she made a pause: "Jeez… I think I just had a deja vu."

L was not really happy to hear that note said out loud and he moved to sit opposite KT: "Look, all I ask of you now is to study the Kira case, tell me your opinions and let me know if you feel like I am acting irrational. That's all. Meanwhile we will both work on finding Beyond. But I believe Kira might do that work for us."

Both K and Watari eyed him.

"What are you talking about?" Watari asked.

"It's logical. Kira has greater motivation to find Beyond than we do. The first is the fact that Kira failed to kill him and the second are his feelings for me."

KT closed her eyes when she finally realized what he was doing: "You want to distract Light with Beyond while I am on the case."

L nodded and Watari finally realized it too: "That's why you wanted the boys here. You wanted to show Light you trust him with your own family so he has greater motivation to go after B. You will use Light as a shield against Beyond and while Light is focused elsewhere he won't be feeling threatened by K's presence."

"Exactly." L said with a smirk.

KT chunkled: "Nice plan... but there is one great unknown in the equation."

"Beyond." L said.

"Yes!" KT threw her hands in the air: "We don't know what he will do. Hell we are not even sure what he is up to!"

L frowned: "I know, that's why we have to wait until he makes a move. I am quite confident that he will not get to the tower. That gives you time to study the Kira case and I will try to distract Light myself until Beyond does something to get our attention again."

"What happened to your strike to win strategy?" KT asked.

"I only strike if I know I can win."

* * *

Light was still waiting for L in the investigation room. It was almost two in the morning but he was sure L didn't go to sleep. He was either with his sons or the sister and he will be back sooner or later.

Light had a pretty headache of it all. He was not even sure which information process first.

Naturally, Beyond Birthday came to his mind first, as his rival. Just the thought that someone had L before he did made him jealous. Of course Light knew there was someone before him. L was far too experienced in bed to be a virgin. But the fact that the man was a criminal, and one that Kira failed to kill made it even worse.

_I have to focus on finding his real name and keep L safe meanwhile..._

Light was tapping his fingers to the table, while thinking:

_The sister doesn't seem to be a big problem. Yes, she is a detective and she is probably very intelligent, but she doesn't seem happy about L's methods. That means she won't be so extreme. And therefore, not a threat to me. But I have to check her anyway… Maybe I could have Misa on her when she's back from her photoshoots… women chit chat could do the job._

Then the kids finally came to his mind. They were an indelible part of L's life.

Light frowned.

The idea that L could be a father did not cross his mind until two days ago. But that was given by the fact he thought L was simply gay, not bisexual. But as Light was thinking about it, all made much better sense.

_Of course L didn't act on his feelings._

There is not only his future to worry about because he is a double father. So it is only natural that sex, passion and intelligence are not strong bases for a relationship to him. Obviously L needed more of a home, protection and love for himself and his sons. Especially, when his ex-lover tried to kill him.

Light shivered. He remembered his own intentions from the time before their relationship and he started feeling dizzy. He was so happy he was able to stop Rem in time.

He shook his head. There was no point in thinking about it anymore. It was all in the past. And right now he had L and his sons to protect from that bloodthirsty monster.

 _How am I feeling about the kids?_ Light asked himself.

He decided he doesn't mind them. He wanted L and he wanted him whole, even if it meant two offsprings of god knows who.

The sound of the opening door cut him off his thoughts and he turned to face L. He was obviously surprised to see him.

"What are you doing up so late, Yagami-kun?" he asked him, as he went to his desk, searching for something.

 _Finally alone…_ Light thought.

"I am waiting for you…. I want to talk."

L didn't look at him and he was still searching through his drawers.

"I believe we have nothing to talk about, Yagami-kun." he said, and finally found the flash disk he was searching for. So he took it and turned to leave.

Light was after him in a second, his hand touching L's shoulder and turning him around: "L please wait…"

"Stay away!" Watari's voice cut in and both young men looked to the door where Watari stood with a gun pointed at Light.

"I just wanna talk to him Watari… that's all!" Light said frustrated, as he took his hand back down.

L nodded at Watari but the old man didn't move a bit: "If you wanna talk to him, you will have to do it in front of me, young man. Because I am not going anywhere."

Light let out a sigh and then turned his eyes to meet L's. The detective was standing on the stairs, so he was a head taller than him now.

"L… I know there are no words I can use to apologize enough for what I've done. But you have to know that I am sorry… I am so sorry for what I've done. I am so sorry that I've hurt you. And I promise, I promise never to hurt you again. I will do all I can to deserve your love…."

L stepped down from the stairs so they were eyes to eyes: "Do you realize how high your percentage of being Kira went after _that_? How do you expect me to ever trust you when I know what you are capable of?"

That sentence hurt both of them. It hurt L, because he didn't need to act it, it was simply the truth, no matter the plan. And it hurt Light for the very same reason.

"I realize it all too well _my love..._ " he told him and he lifted his hand to L's cheek, slightly caressing his skin: "... but I also realize something else."

L was watching him, almost afraid to breath. He wanted to lean into his touch but he knew he should make a step back. So all he managed was to stay still and stare at him: "What did you realize?"

Light felt encouraged by the fact L didn't move away, so he moved his hand into L's hair and behind his neck. He leaned in a little, staring him in the eyes and whispering: "I realized that deep down you know, I am not Kira."

L tilted his head slightly and finally found his strength to pull away from Light and showed him his back: "And how did Yagami-kun come to such an idea?"

"Because of your family." Light said and saw L's back stiffen. Light took a step closer again and put his face behind L's neck, slightly kissing his spine, his face full of L's dark hair.

"Because deep inside you know you can trust me with your sons. You know they are not in danger. If you really believed I am Kira, you would never risk to bring them here."

Light felt goosebumps on L's skin before L pulled away again.

"I didn't have much of a choice Yagami-kun. As you probably noticed I have a crazy ex hanging around my estates."

"Yes I know. And I will do everything I can to keep you and your sons safe."

L only rolled his shoulders, trying to look indifferent: "If that's how Yagami-kun wants to spend his free time…"

" _You are_ how I want to spend my free time L. Hell you are how I want to spend the rest of my life. So no matter how long it takes, I will do everything I can to deserve you."

L was staring at him for a moment. He knew his plan was already working but he didnt expect Light to wear his heart on a sleeve. He wanted to kiss him so badly and found himself staring at Light's lips.

 _Hell this is gonna be harder than I thought._ L thought and composed himself again: "Good luck with that Yagami-kun."

L turned and left Light standing there. But the teen was smiling from ear to ear. Because he noticed L's behaviour. L still wanted him even after what he's done. He was so happy about it that he didn't even mind Watari was witness to it all. He only wished the old man good sleep and left for his room.

Watari was staring at the closed door for a moment, frowning. He was truly happy that L's plan was working so fast, but he didn't expect anything else. What concerned him was how obviously L is fighting himself to stay away from Light. Watari never saw the boy like that. No one ever had such a power over L. Not even Beyond.

 _This is going to end badly._ He thought and hoped he was wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez! I've already written 10 chapters of this and it's still the beginning of the story… This is getting out of control. :D :D :D I actually wanted to make this a 10 chapters piece… yeah… what was I thinking? :D :D :D
> 
> Let me know what you think, what are you curious about and what do you expect to happen. :O I can't wait to hear from you in another… 30 chapters. :D :D :D


	11. The game begins

A week. That long it took KT to read through all the investigation files. She was literally buried under papers in her private quarters. She occasionally went out to look after her _stupid_ brother, to discuss some case details with Watari or help her nephews with Japanese but the rest of the time? She felt like her head was going to blow. Not only that her brother was head over heels for a murderer but they were fighting supernatural powers. That was _just great_. 

KT was worried about the Shinigami. Rem. L was sure she is not listening to them when she is not actually in the room but KT was nervous anyway. Because if Rem knew about L's plans, they would be screwed. KT even tried to talk to her once. But the Shinigami seemed just bored of her like she seemed of everything else. Rem obviously wasn't happy that she is tied up to L right now. And yet, she didn't kill him to set herself free. Yup. She was definitely taking orders from Kira. But why? Does she love Light Yagami? Is he really such a playboy to seduce even the god of death? 

KT shook her head and stood up to leave her room: “Damn I need a cigarette…” 

* * *

  
  


“So what do you guys think about Ryuzaki's sister? I think she is a very nice person…” Matsuda started as they were standing in front of the building, smoking first morning cigarettes.

“I think you need to stop ogling her.” Mogi teased.

Aizawa chuckled and Matsuda started wildly waving his hands in front of his body in defense: “It's not like that.... I mean… she is pretty to look at, but she is the sister of our boss. I wouldn't dare to ask her out.”

“I never thought you would.” Mogi said, letting out the smoke: “But you are watching her anyway.” 

They both laughed and watched as their younger colleague was turning red. 

“Who is he watching?” Chief Yagami asked, as he came closer with Light right next to him. 

Matsuda laughed innocently and scratched the back of his head: “No one…”

“Ryuzaki's sister.” Mogi told him, not making a big deal of it. 

“I see… she really is a pretty woman, isn't she?” Chief Yagami said and looked at Light, waiting for the answer.

Light nodded: “Yes, she is nice. But not really my type.” 

“She is much prettier than I thought Ryuzaki would be as a woman…” Matsuda said and they all eyed him with wide eyes. 

Light frowned at him: “Were you giving that idea much thought, Matsuda-san?”

Matsuda finally realized how it sounded and he was red to the tips of his ears.

At that moment KT came out of the main door.

“Good morning gentleman.” she greeted them.

“Good morning…” they mumbled and watched as Matsuda was turning into a nervous wreck. Aizawa and Mogi shared a smirk. 

“Would you mind if I have one with you?” she asked and pulled a cigarette pack from her back pocket. 

“You are welcome to join us KT-san.” Chief Yagami told her with a kind smile. 

They all fell silent as they watched her lit the cig and put it to her lips. She inhaled and then let out smoke. 

“You smoke menthols?” Matsuda asked as he smelled something different in the smoke.

“Is apple actually. I don't like menthols. Wanna try?” KT took the cig from her mouth and offered it to him directly. Matsuda's face lit up red again: “No.. no… thank you…”

Aizawa cleared his throat and the attention finally shifted somewhere else: “KT-san I want to apologize about my behaviour the first evening. I was a little harsh towards you but it was nothing personal. Please take no offence.”

KT smiled: “Non taken, Aizawa-san. I think you were right to suggest I should be under suspicion... given the circumstances. And I understand my brother can be… hard to handle sometimes.”

“I guess I am still learning how to work with him….”

“We all are…” Chief Yagami added.

KT chunked “I am sure that's a mutual feeling. He always worked on his cases alone so he is not a good team player. I myself was present only at two of his cases and it always ended with me taking some case at the other side of the planet after so… I understand.”

They all laughed and took in some smoke from their cigarettes. 

“KT-san, may I ask you, where is the mother of your nephews?” Chief Yagami suddenly asked.

They all eyed her with curious looks. They all wanted to know. 

KT put the cigarette down to the ashtray and gave him an impenetrable look: “Gone… _The other parent_... is gone. I am afraid that's all I can tell you. And I would recommend not to ask this my brother.”

“I see… I am sorry, I shouldn't ask such a personal question.”

KT chunkled: “It's okay... it's a logical question. But not an answerable one.” 

* * *

  
  


“How nice of you to join me…” L said with irony and watched the clock, when the task force came into the room. The smiles on their faces were indication that they were having a good time. Whatever they were doing. 

“Oh come on baby brother… five minutes is not such a big deal…” KT told him and tousled his hair, before going to the coffee machine. 

L bit his thumb: “Hm… interesting opinion. Especially when I take into consideration that five minutes of age difference is apparently _making me_ a baby brother.” 

Light laughed at that. He was slowly getting used to their constant bickering. He came to L and put a box from the bakery in front of him.

L eyed the box and then Light with wide eyes: “What is that Yagami-kun?”

“Fresh blueberry muffins.”

“And why are they on my table?”

“Because I bought them for you.” Light told him with a smile.

L wanted to decline them but then he smelled a delicious smell coming from the box. His pupils dilated and he found himself leaning to the box, while his tongue was wildly running across his lips.

Light smirked: “They are all for you, enjoy them.”

Matsuda who was listening to them from the coffee machine felt like melting: “Oh that's sooo nice… tell me Light, what do I have to do to deserve such a treatment?”

KT chuckled at her coffee.

L and Light watched Matsuda with wide eyes. Light opened his mouth to say something clever but L was faster: “You could try to do your job from time to time… that would definitely be a good start.”

KT shot him a murderous look: “Don't be rude!”

Matsuda laughed and went to his chair: “It's okay KT-san! I know your brother doesn't mean it!”

“I sincerely hope so…” she said and started moving towards the stairs to leave the room. 

L already buried his nose into blueberry muffin when mumbling: “You know nothing…” 

In that moment Watari rushed into to room and KT stopped in her tracks: “Ryuzaki, we have a strange murder case here in Tokyo. It certainly looks like work of Beyond Birthday.”

Everyone stood up and hurried to Watari, who held photos of the crime scene. The old man placed photos on the conference table and everyone was examining them. 

“Jesus…” KT let out. 

“Yes… that's definitely BB's work.” L agreed. 

Photos were shoving a room with a naked dead body of an elderly woman laying on the floor. She was in the centre of the room, curled up in a ball. She was all covered in blood and the blood was also all around the room. It was so disgusting that Matsuda felt his stomach making salto. He had to make a few steps back and sit down. KT watched him with a worried look and came closer, placing her hand on his shoulder: “Are you alright?”

Matsuda nodded. Not really feeling well enough to answer. 

“That's weird, there is blood all around but her body seems undamaged.” Light noticed. 

That was true. The woman was covered in blood but no wounds were to be seen. 

L nodded: “Yes… it looks like the blood is not hers at all.” 

Then he turned to Watari: “Do we have some reports from the police yet?”

“No sir, the woman was found only an hour ago, the police are still there.” 

L nodded: “Keep me informed. Everyone back to work. We also have a few new Kira victims overnight, so please check if you can find any links there.” 

The task force moved back to their seats and L spoke to his sister who was examining the photos again: “K, I think it's time for you to move your work here with us. I would like to keep a track on your progress with Beyond.” 

Their eyes meet for a brief second. KT understood. He finally got a chance to get her work in the room without looking suspicious. 

“Okay.” she said and went to grab her laptop to her room. 

* * *

  
  


It was late afternoon when the results from the police lab finally came. KT was pretty happy to read through them. It was a relief to be finally focused on something different than L and Light. The teenage boy was making constant efforts to touch L at every possible opportunity, thinking how inconspicuous he is. Well he probably was but KT knew what to look for. And she apparently wasn't the only one. KT noticed a few looks and frowns from Yagami senior. If he didn't know yet, he was certainly suspicious already. 

She came from her thoughts back to the document and she tilted her head. 

_Artificial blood?_

“Is he joking?” came from L and all eyes were at him at once.

KT smirked: “Are you reading it? That's definitely a surprising element.”

“Yes. It doesn't sound like him a bit.” L said and owled into the screen, while biting his thumb.

“What are you two talking about?” Light asked and came closer to L, looking at the screen. 

“The blood at the crime scene from this morning was really not hers. It was artificial.” L told him.

“Why would he use artificial blood?” Light asked.

“I have no idea. He always used his victims' blood back in LA.”

“What else does the report say?” 

KT took over: “That the victim has no injuries and died by natural cause.”

“What?” Light gave her a surprised look.

“Wasn't it a heart attack I hope?” Aizawa asked.

KT shook her head: “No… according to autopsy it was diabetes.”

“Which fits with her medical records.” L added.

“Yes, but it could still be Kira's work.” Aizawa said.

Light shook his head: “I don't think so. This murder.... death... doesn't fit his profile at all.” 

“Maybe we have a new Kira here.” Aizawa opposed. 

L gave him a look while waving his fork around his new cake: “If the new Kira is able to control his victims family predispositions to cause a natural death by something that runs in the family then… yes, we have a new Kira here.” 

Aizawa opened and closed his mouth.

“This is a pointless discussion. We have no clues about this being Kira or Beyond either...” KT started: “... although it visually fits Beyond's style, we need more than that to be sure.”

The task force nodded and KT bit her lip while looking at L: “I would like to talk to you about your past relationship with B. It might help me to look through this.”

“Don't you think if there was something to see I would know already?” L asked her in annoyance. 

“Yeah… sure! You told me something like that in LA. And guess what? You were kidnapped only a few hours later!”

“Your sister is right Ryuzaki, this is too personal for you. Your judgement might be clouded.” Light told him.

L gave him a bored look but Light knew he was raging inside. He knew his looks too well already.

“There is no point in that because this murder...it was Beyond. I know it. And I was never wrong before.” L told them while chewing on his cake.

“You were wrong about me being Kira.” Light told him.

L tilted his head and gave Light stern look. He didnt say a thing to that but Light could swear he heard him saying: _“No I wasn't.”_

“Anyway, I expect you to be ready to answer my questions by tomorrow morning.” KT told him and turned back to her computer.

* * *

  
  


L left the HQs early that night. Even before the rest of the task force left. He felt tired of it all. He felt tired of Light wooing him the whole week, while lying straight to his face, he felt tired of KT's questions about the Beyond - and those questions were not even asked yet! But mostly he was tired of his own mind. From the moment Watari came in with the case photos this morning, his mind was wandering back to LA case and Beyond. And KT wasn't helping with it either. So he decided to spend an evening with his boys and leave it all behind for a few hours. 

It was perfect. 

They were talking about L's past cases, law, books and even about different kinds of chocolate. Mello was particularly well acquainted in that area. L remembered Roger mailing him about Mello's new interest in chocolate, but L wasn't really paying attention to it. Now that it came from Mello's own mouth he realized that the boy was probably trying to imitate him in something. 

It was funny. 

And cute. 

And L hoped that Mello's health won't be marked by it forever. 

He was now lying in his bed, with boys curled up against his sides and sleeping peacefully. He couldn't help but smile. He felt so warm in his heart. He couldn't even believe he was able to feel such things. Or maybe he wanted to forget before. 

But he knew it was pure love. 

The purest one. 

He leaned down to kiss both boys' foreheads and pulled them closer. He still couldn't understand how they grew up so much. He was sure Mello was just a toddler and Near was born yesterday. Or weren't they? How much time did he lose on his cases while they were growing up? 

But as he was watching them now, he couldn't be possibly more proud. They were smart for their age, they understood things much older children couldn't and they were even able to hold the conversation with him. There were not many people like that. But he knew he would love them even if they were as stupid as Matsuda. They were _his children_ , he carried them under his heart for nine months… well eight in Near's case, and he loved them with all his heart. 

Somewhere inside he still didn't understand how Beyond could leave them behind and go… Wherever he went. 

_Well you're the one to talk._ His mind told him. 

His mind was right. Thinking about it back L realized that it was him who left first. He left for a few months right after Near was born and then there was another case that needed him present and then another… 

_B must have felt alone there._

_But why didn't he talk to me?_

_Why didn't he say anything?_

L felt his heart in his throat. Those questions were still painful. He shut his eyes and bit his lip, not to start crying. 

After a moment he calmed down. 

He knew there was something else going on back then. Because that wasn't much Beyond like. He was always the bold one. Always the one to speak when something went wrong. If he fell silent this back then, it must have been something much more complicated. 

In his own way… BB won. He gave L the case he couldn't solve. But it was not the LA case. It was the case of their relationship. Because no matter how hard L was thinking about it, he couldn't figure it out. 

Mello let out a soft sigh from his sleep and L stroked his hair. 

“You little devil…” he whispered and smiled: “... you are so much like him.” 

Mello started breathing calmly again after a while and L drifted off to his thoughts again:

_I just wonder what game you are playing this time B..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am seriously thinking about bringing BB's POV in the next chapter… I wanted to wait until later chapters but… everyone is asking for it so… I guess it's time. :P


	12. Father and son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys…I am giving you an early update because I'll be gone for at least a week now. I hope this chapter will finally give you a few answers.... and a few more questions. :D :D :D HAHA! I feel like dropping a bomb. :D :D :D

The body was heavy. Every fucking body he was manipulating till now was heavy. Mostly, because they were all elderly people with overweight.

“ Argh”... Beyond let out as he was placing the body into horizontal position on the floor. “...why can't I just run into someone thinner?” He asked himself with a growl. 

He eyed the death body again and rolled his eyes. He still had to undress him. He started removing the clothing, while cursing himself, for making this plan so fucking eccentric. 

But he needed to do this with his signature. 

He needed  _ that fucker  _ to get the message.

After he undressed the man, he pulled the canister with artificial blood from his bag and started pouring it around the dead man's flat. 

After a moment he felt eyes on his back. But he didn't bother to look over his shoulder and continued his work. He knew who was watching anyway. 

“Why are you doing this?” A husky voice asked him from behind. 

“I need to get a message to Kira so… I have to make a little mess to get his attention.” 

“Why are you bothering so much? You will meet him anyway and you know it.”

Beyond turned around to face the creature. He was still the same as he remembered him from the time a few months ago, and also from the years before: Tall skeleton with red burning holes where eyes should be and golden crown on his head. 

_ Of course I know...fucking Jack Skellington. _

“I want to do this my way…. Not yours.” He told him after a moment.

“Your way… my way.... It doesn't matter, does it?” The creature said: “You can not change what is already written.”

BB's lips made a hard line as he was staring at the Shinigami: “I am not trying to change it, I am just doing it the way I want.” he bent down to take his bag: “and besides…. You said you were concrete only about the last moment so I still have plenty of time to act as I please.”

With that B left the flat and stormed down the stairs. 

_ Fucking Shinigami… _ he thought and knew the creature is not going to follow him. He had no reason, after all. There was no killer notebook to tie them together. They only shared a future… and the past.

B was deep in his thoughts as he was crossing streets of Tokyo in one of his masks. 

Everytime  _ that  _ Shinigami appeared he felt grief and pain. Well… more than he usually did. He was still waking up screaming A's name. He saw him in every corner, with a rope around his neck. And he could still remember his careless face in the moment, he wrote his own name in that  _ damn notebook _ . 

A's death was B's fault.

He always knew it but it was easier to blame L. 

Back then, he told himself that if L was home, they could manage together and he would never have to go to A for advice. But a few months ago he finally admitted himself that L had a little to do with it. He went to A because he wanted to and he would probably do it even if L was home. Their relationship was in serious shit anyway. 

B lit a cigarette to get a little release. There was no point thinking about it now. He had his fate sealed already. He just needed to make things right before that happened. And he bet everything on his wildest cart: 

_ I am counting on you, Melly-bean.  _

* * *

  
  


Near finally shut the door to the bathroom behind him. Mello heard water filling the tub. That meant he had approximately 45 minutes before his younger brother would get out and he would lose his privacy again. 

_ Yeah, just stay there and drown your robots… _ he thought. 

He wrote a message to Matt. The computer boy was already working to establish a secure connection between their computers so no one, including L could hear what they were talking about via video chat. There was always a chance that L would figure it out but… L had his mind occupied elsewhere. That's what Mello was counting on. But Matt was working on it for a week already and Mello's patience was at its end. 

He spent last seven days by taking his classes online, learning japanese and studying LA murder cases files at evenings. By all the evidence and by his dad's notes it was clear that Beyond Birthday was guilty. But Mello was sure there was something else behind it all. He was sure his daddy is not a villain. He just needed to know what he's up to now. And to do that, he needed Matt. 

It took another fifteen minutes, before his screen finally lit up and showed a familiar face of his friend. Matt was not entirely paying attention to him. He had a controller in his hands and he was looking at another screen.

_ Of course he is playing a game... _

“Why did it take you so long?” Mello asked with his childish impatience.

The redhead on the other side only shrugged: “I've never done this before. I needed to learn how to write this kind of security code.”

“Yes but a week?” 

“I had other things to do.”

Mello rolled his eyes. He knew Matt was just lazy and probably played some stupid games. But he felt an urge to smile at him anyway. He already missed his friend. 

Mello suppressed that urge and frowned to the camera instead. He didn't need to encourage him. Matt was way too intelligent and Mello didn't need another kid with a big ego around. But Matt somehow fascinated him anyway. He was not at Wammy's for even a year and he managed to climb to the third place on the successors list, not even trying. Maybe Matt will even get before Near. He wouldn't mind that. As long as he is still number one.

“Yeah right… Listen, I need you to hack into my father's network and download Kira case files. Can you do it?”

Matt finally turned his attention to him: “Well.. maybe but…”

“Can you do it or not?”

Matt rolled his shoulders: “Yeah, I can do that. But it will take time. I doubt your father has such a shitty security as a national bank…”

“You've got three days.” Mello said, with a bossy tone.

Matt's chin fell to the ground: “Are you joking? I will have to study it first and I have to go to my classes! There's no way I can manage in three days!”

Mello rolled his eyes: “Yeah right, go to school, play your games, I will ask somebody else.”

Matt only laughed and started playing his game again: “Yeah...good luck! Like you have someone else to ask.” 

Mello clenched his fists and wanted to cut the connection but Matt spoke again, looking through the camera: “This is about the man from the gate, isn't it? He's the reason your dad relocated you so fast. What does he have to do with the Kira case?”

Mello frowned: “He doesn't have anything to do with it. I already told you not to ask about him.”

Matt gave him a knowing look: “I know when you lie to me.” 

“Cut the shit Matt! You either wanna help me, or you can go back to your rabbit hole and play your childish games!” the blonde yelled. 

“We are children, we are supposed to be playing games!” the redhead opposed completely ignoring Mello's insults.

Mello folded his arms on his chest and gave Matt a murderous glare: “So that's why you hacked into the national bank's system…  _ because it was a game. _ ”

Matt rolled his shoulders: “Yeah....”

_ Fucking child…Why do I even tolerate him? He should be in the tub playing with Near and his robots. _ Mello thought to himself. 

Then... he got an idea and a devilish smirk rose on his face: “All right… so think about it as a game…  _ and what a game! _ My father's network will be well secured! You can definitely lose if you make a mistake! Isn't it exciting?”

Matt glared at him, while pausing his game again: “I never said I won't do it Mells. I just said I need more time…. But now as you are pointing it out, maybe I won't take such a great risk. I could get expelled if I get caught.”

Mello growled and fell down to his pillow, not saying anything to that.

“So tell me Mello… What is the reason you need those files? Why should I take the risk? And better tell me the truth.” 

Mello got up on his elbows and glared at Matt. 

_ Should I tell him? Can I trust him with this? Hell I don't really have a choice. _

Mello sat up again and his face was deathly serious: “You have to swear to me you wont tell a soul about this.”

“Oh come on, you know I wont.”

“Just swear it!”

“Okay! I swear! I pinky swear!” Matt yelled and showed his pinky to the camera.

Mello frowned and threw his hands in the air in desperation: “You can't pinky swear with someone on the other side of the planet, you idiot!”

“Jeezzz Mells, you are no fun!”

“Shut up and fucking swear!”

“I already said I swear! What do you want more? A blood pact?”

There was a moment of silence. Mello was actually thinking about it. But he rejected that idea as impossible as pinky swear: “You will sign a contract.” 

Matt rolled his eyes: “Fine...”

After a few minutes Mello had the document ready, he sighed digitally and sent it to Matt. When it was all finally done, Mello went to check on Near, to make sure he was still in the water. When he came back to the laptop, he lowered his voice as much as he could: “My father is in serious danger from Kira so I need to get acquainted with the case files and find out what dad is missing.”

Matt shoots him an amused look: “Really? And that's why I had to sign a contract? That's common knowledge not a secret!”

Mello rolled his eyes: “This is different Matt! I have it from a person I can trust! There is something serious going on!”

“From the man at the gate? How do you know him? Everyone here say he's the ex-successor who went crazy and started killing people.”

Mello's heart started feeling heavy: “Yes… that's… true but he also cares about me and my dad. And I know he wouldn't hurt us. I trust him Matt! And I need you to trust me!”

Matt pushed his lips into a hard line. He was thinking about it: “All right… But you will inform me about everything you're planning to do. This is dangerous business.”

Mello nodded and felt somehow relieved that he had Matt on his side. 

“I will do my best, but again Mello. It will not be done in three days!”

Mello nodded again.

“And if Mr. Wammy will expel me… you will adopt me!” 

Mello rolled his eyes and cut the connection. His back fell into his pillow and he stared at the ceiling for a while. He understood what his daddy was planning. Although Beyond did not tell him directly to get the Kira case files, Mello was sure he would ask for it anyway once they met again. And it was up to him to make that happen. He was just waiting for an opportunity. And once that happens, he will be ready. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Misa meets KT!


	13. Memories, part I.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took so long to bring this chapter. I have some serious shit going on in my life and I just couldn't focus on writing. But things will get better eventually. I am pretty optimistic! Stay safe and don't get depressed! Love you! :P

There was another murder. Fourth that week. 

It was 3 AM when L got an echo from his contact. So this time, they really had a chance to get there before the police and get some evidence. L was in temptation to go by himself, but he had Near and Mello in his bed and he didn't want them to wake up alone. And he was feeling a little weird by his stomach anyway. So he sent KT. She was an expert in the field. 

But that was more than 5 hours ago. And there was still not a word from her. 

L was tapping his foot impatiently to the floor of the elevator, his thoughts so deep in the case that he didn't even notice the elevator stopped. The door opened with a hiss and L found himself face to face with Light. 

They were both a little surprised but Light fastly recovered and made a step inside the elevator. “Good morning L…”

“Morning Yagami-kun.” L mumbled, too shocked to scold him about using his name. 

The elevator closed and started moving down the tower.

“You were not working at all last night? Light asked him.

“No.” L was looking straight in front of himself, not showing Light any emotions. 

“Good.” Light said and was examining his features from the profile: “Are you feeling well? You are a little pale.”

L finally turned his gaze to him: “I am british. We are all pale.” 

Light smiled at him: “I mean more pale than usual.”

“I am fine Yagami-kun. Thank you for your concern.” L turned his gaze back to the elevator door but after a moment he felt Light taking his hand into his. L turned to him again. Light slowly brought L's hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles. Light's eyes were locked with L's.

“Just tell me, if you need anything, ok? I am here for you.”

L felt his heart racing. He felt like drowning in those eyes and waves of Light's honey toned voice were taking him away from reality. 

The elevator door hissed opened. Both young men turned their heads to the corridor and freezed in place. Only a few meters from the elevator was the whole task force, currently on their way to HQs. Matsuda's chin fell to the ground, Aizawa and Mogi shared a look and Yagami-san frowned at them.

L was the first to recover and pulled his hand back. 

“As I said Yagami-kun… it's not a rash. There is no need for you to examine my hand any further.” 

With that L left for the office and Light slowly followed. 

“If you say so Ryuzaki.”

* * *

A few hours later the main door to HQs burst open followed with a high squeak: “Helloooo everyone!” 

Light's shoulders stiffen and the whole task force jerked in their seats. L's eyes rolled so much in annoyance that it literally turned by 90 degrees and he was looking into his own brain for a moment.

Misa was smiling from ear to ear and she began walking in Light's direction. He unwillingly stood up to face her and gave her his best fake smile: “Hi Misa, how was your photoshoot?”

Misa jumped him and kissed him on the lips. 

Light didnt kiss her back and he could swear he heard L growl. 

And L really did. He had to hold on his chair not to jump her and rip out her hair. When Misa finally peeled off Light, L's fingers hurt from the strength of his grip. 

“It was _boooring_ ! And Kyoto is just _sooo faaaar_ from Misa's Light! Misa missed Light _sooo_ much!” She wanted to kiss him again but she was interrupted by KT's voice, when she bursted into the room. 

“Hey guys do you want to go out for lunch?” She asked but she stopped in her tracks as she saw Misa. 

“Hi! You must be Misa Amane! Pleasure to meet you!". KT said with a bright smile and came closer. 

“Who… Who are you?” the blonde asked, looking surprised by the incomer. 

“My name is KT. I am Ryuzaki's sister.” She bowed.

Misa totally forgot about her courtesy. She just opened her mouth to say something but before she could she examined the woman from head to toes: “Woow… that's impossible.”

They all eyed her with confusion.

“I mean… Ryuzaki is so ugly and tasteless and you are beautiful and really good looking.” 

Light clenched his fists. He wanted to punch her. 

KT chuckled and looked over Misa's shoulder towards her brother. He was biting his lollipop and looked extremely annoyed. 

“Awww… he isn't that bad? Or is he?” KT asked and moved to stand next to Misa and Light as they examined him. “I mean… he doesn't have a good posture but he was always pretty desirable where we come from…” KT told Misa and shoved her to the sofa, so they could talk.

“Was he? Even with his disgusting attitude?” Misa asked as she sat down next to KT, completely forgetting about Light.

“He isn't that bad when he's in the company you know… he can be a gentleman if he wants. I really mean it when I say he is rather class back home. You know that wealthy, intelligent and mysterious type.” KT gave L a smirk and saw him throwing daggers at her through his poker face.

Misa was still a little shocked and then she laughed: “I can't imagine Ryuzaki in the company… Does he go by his usual white-shirt baggy jeans style? Or can he dress up?”

“Oh he can definitely dress up…” KT told her and gave L a mischievous look: “See there was one time,..... we were sixteen and we were invited to the wedding. I had no date and he had no interest in acquiring one so I talked him into going with me, you know, as siblings. _Hell how I regretted that.”_ KT gave the last sentence a theatrical savor. 

“Why?” Misa asked.

KT felt all the eyes in the room at her. She knew the task force was kinda hungry for information about her brother and she knew how to use the situation. She was only letting out the facts she wanted them to know. But she also knew L won't be happy about letting out this one:

“Because he's rather good looking in a suit and all the single guests were after him! Women, men… everyone! It was really humiliating!”

Misa laughed: “No way... That's crazy! I mean... Look at him!” 

They were all looking at L at that moment. He was slouched in his typical sitting position, lollipop between his lips and his hair was more of a bird's nest. His eyes were tired as he was fifty years old and there was nothing about him Misa found attractive. 

But Light was looking at him with completely different eyes. He saw the perfect ivory skin, sensual curve of his lips, unbelievably soft hair and the slim body he loved to press against his own. He wanted to oppose Misa and he knew he could. Misa gave him permission after all, but KT was the first to speak:

“And that's not the worst part…” KT laughed: “the worst part is that he left me there alone, leaving with _a certain blond_.”

Light held his breath. Only mentions about L's past relationships made him jealous. 

Misa gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. 

“That's not very gentleman like Ryuzaki…” Matsuda teased between chuckles. 

L shot him a murderous glare. 

_Of course Matsuda isn't working._

No one from the task force was working. They were all focused on KT's story. 

“Yes! I had to take a taxi home because they took the car!” KT continued with her little theatre. 

“Did you have a nice evening Ryuzaki?” Matsuda teased again, highly enjoying the topic. 

“Oh he certainly had!” KT laughed again: “Only dealing with the consequences 9 months after was not so nice for him.” 

All eyes were on him at once. Misa was in shock: “Ryuzaki?! You had a child at sixteen?!”

L rolled his eyes and stood up: “Seventeen. I was already seventeen when Mello was born. Now that you are all familiar with the infamous wedding story, could you return to your work?!”

Misa stood up too and made a few steps to him: “Oh come on Ryuzaki, don't be so starchy! It's amazing to know that you have a human side too! Misa finds it very soothing! Misa may even start to like you after all!”

“It surprises me still, Misa Amane, that after all the time you still think I care about your opinion.”

“Ryuzaki!” KT yelled at him and stood up too. 

“KT?” L asked with a bored voice.

“You are being rude.” 

“And you are being a huge pain in the ass. So if you are not planning to give me a report I am waiting for over 8 hours, you should get out of the office and take Misa Amane with you.” 

L looked bored as ever. But he was raging inside. 

“Yeah, yeah… I am sure you know your best about pain in the ass…” KT mumbled and then switched to full voice: “Your report is already in your post. I've been waiting for the results from the lab. There's nothing much new, except for the body position. But you'll see that in the pictures… Anyway…I am dying from hunger. Who's up for lunch?"

* * *

L wasn't happy that Light left with them - he was simply jealous. But he knew it was necessary. He knew Misa was going to show up today and he needed KT to befriend her. Not that he told her what to do, but she was bright enough to understand. 

_It is better this way. KT will see their interactions and will make her own picture._

Although L wasn't sure if he wanted that for the case or for confirmation that there is nothing between Light and Misa. 

He let out a sigh. He really needed to focus on KT's report. 

Although, there was not much to see. This murder was the same as those before. Natural cause of death, artificial blood, no fingerprints, no footsteps, no witness. The only thing that changed was the position of the body. This time the victim was lying straight. 

He smirked: _I guess the journalists will have to rename the case._

"The childs pose murder cases". That's how they called them after the first three deaths. 

_BB what the hell are you trying to tell me?_

Although, he was not sure BB wanted to tell anything at all. He might be toying with him as well. He might want to distract him while doing something else… like get to their boys, or something…

“Ryuzaki…” 

L jerked a little at the sound of the name. He was lost in thoughts and completely forgot that he is not alone in the room.

“Yes, Yagami-san?” 

“I was hoping I could talk to you in private.” 

L tilted his head and turned around to face him. He realized they are already alone. Mogi and Aizawa were probably out on cigarette break.

“Of course Yagami-san, do you want to talk here, or we could use Watari's office…”

“No, it's all right, we can talk here.”

L nodded and offered chief Light's chair. Chief sat down and bent forward a little, leaning his elbows against his knees while rubbing his hands nervously. At that moment L realized what topic was going to come.

“Ryuzaki I noticed that my son…” there was a pregnant pause: “...is very attentive towards you lately.”

Silence again. Chief was probably waiting for some reaction but L was only staring at him.

“So I wanted to know…. I wanted to make sure… that you... “

The older man had a really hard time to word his thoughts: “... because you were handcuffed together for quite a long time and I've never seen Light being so attentive towards a man before I wanted to know if…”

“If I used the situation to my own benefit?” L finished for him.

Chief Yagami nodded. 

“I am not saying that you forced yourself on him because of your orientation. But I can't help but think if you used the situation to make him… develop feelings for you to force him to admit he is Kira… or some of your… _methods_.”

L's chin dropped. Literally.

That statement was wrong on so many levels that he almost felt like crying. If chief knew that it was Light who took the first step, and Light who always took their relationship further and again Light who forced himself on him…

He kept his facade cool: “You are right. That sounds like one of my methods.”

Chief Yagami frowned at him. 

“But no… I must disappoint you. I didn't force myself on your son and I didnt make any steps to make him… _develop feelings_ for me.”

Chief let out a sigh of relief. But then… he realized what L was saying and frowned again.

“Ryuzaki… did Light… did he try to… was he trying to…?” 

That was even harder to word and L decided to cut the sentence before the chief was able to formulate his thoughts right: “I think you should have this conversation with your son. Not with me.” 

* * *

Leaving Misa alone with KT was not an option for Light. At least not at their first meeting. He needed to talk to Misa first. As they were walking to a nearby restaurant, a womans' chipper was everywhere. Light felt like he's with two Misas. Or three Misas, considering how much Matsuda was into their conversation. At least, he had time to think. 

Having KT around had one amazing advantage: he acquainted more information about L in the past week then he was able to in the past half a year. Although he wasn't sure which information was true and which not, he assumed that the wedding story was true. He saw the hurt look in L's eyes, that meant he was not happy to be reminded of it. 

_Mello is 8. L had him at 17. That means he is 25 now._

Light smirked. There were 7 years between them. It didn't feel that way. Light felt such a great responsibility for L and his happiness, that he even felt older than him. 

“That's _soooo_ surprising! Oh Light did you hear? Ryuzaki is a double father!” Misa jumped next to Light and hung up on his hand. 

“Yes, Misa, I know already.” he told her as they were walking through the restaurant door. 

They sat to a box, Misa next to Light and KT with Matsuda. 

Light couldn't help but smirk when he saw how nervous Matsuda is around KT. But KT was pretty oblivious about it. Or she was pretending not to see. 

Misa was very aware of Matsu's behaviour and decided to help a little:

“You two look pretty nice together! It would be so great if you were dating! We could go on double dates together!”

Matsuda's face turned red and he started laughing nervously.

KT eyed him and she seemed totally cool about Misa's statement: “Do we? I want to see! Here, take a photo of us!”

KT handed Misa her phone and positioned herself near Matsuda who was as red as possible and in a state of panic. 

Misa was trying to find the best angle to take a picture and scolded Matusuda: “Oh come one Matsu, take KT around her shoulders, it's gonna look sweet.”

Matsuda did as he was told but felt pretty uncomfortable about it. He took KT by her shoulders, pressed her closer, smiled at the camera but in that moment he also inhaled her shampoo. But it was not only the shampoo that he smelled: 

_She smells like rosemary, wind and autumn rain in the mountains._

It reminded him of childhood. Of days he spent in the countryside at his granny's, running in fields and climbing trees. She smelled soooo familiar. 

And what was a _little crush_ just grew into a _major crush_. He knew he probably had no chance with such a beautiful woman like KT, but he knew he had to try!

Misa took a picture, handed the phone back to KT. She sat back to her place and looked at the picture: “Awww… really! We look pretty.” She showed the photo to Matsuda who smiled at her like a dog who just got a treat. 

“Such a shame I am not into serious relationships. We could have been a pretty pair Matsuda-san.”

And there it was. Matsuda's heart was crushed right there, before he even got a chance.

At that moment the waitress came and took their orders. There was uncomfortable silence around the table for a moment, but when the waitress was far enough, Misa picked up where the topic was left: “Don't tell me you never had a serious relationship. I mean… no one wants to be alone! Misa doesn't know what she would do without her Light!”

With that she pecked Light's cheek and cuddled closer. 

“I never said I didn't have a serious relationship. But it ended badly and I'm more into casual sex ever since so….” KT stopped as she saw shock on their faces. She chucked: “Sorry… I am probably letting out too much for Japanese standards.”

Light gave her a smirk: “It's okay. I guess we are all used to unusual statements. We are spending time with Ryuzaki, after all.”

KT smiled at the coffee that just came with the waitress. That's when Matsuda finally organized his thoughts enough to speak: “Just because It didn't work once doesn't mean you should give up on love.” 

There was a moment of silence. KT was a little taken by his statement. There were not many men who were able to talk about love openly in front of others. 

_Oh you are really something different, Mr. Matsuda…._ KT thought but she was torn from her thoughts by Misa's squeak: “Yes! That's true! Just because you tripped over an idiot once doesn't mean you should stop searching for love!”

KT smiled: “Thank you Misa-san. That's nice of you. But I am not romantic. What my body needs can me filled by casual sex and as for love and cuddles I have two amazing nephews who needs to simulate a mother from time to time so… There is nothing really missing in my life. And I am leaving romantic love to my brother. He's got a romantic soul and one of that kind in the family is more than enough for a disaster, trust me.” 

Light tensed at that a little. Misa leaned closer to KT over the table:

“I still can't believe it! You two are exactly opposite than I would guess!”

KT smiled: “So you think my brother is into casual sex and I am a romantic type?”

“That's what you look like! I mean… Ryuzaki is so much into his work. I can't imagine he is taking time for romantic dates and picnics in the park.”

KT shrugged: “Yes, you are right with that. But love is not just about romantic dates, roses and poetry…” KT's eyes shifted to Light: “... it's also about late night talks, companionship, taking care of children when the other cant. Or about knowing the other person is there for you, no matter how far you are.”

Light knew that words were meant for him directly. KT obviously knew what was going on between him and L. But he wasn't sure what to take of her statement. 

_Was that advice? Or a warning?_

He stayed collected and smiled at her: “That sounded very romantic of you, KT-san.”

“I was merely talking about my brother, Yagami-kun. I don't believe in that or any other kind of love.”

Matsuda couldn't believe it. She was so nice to everyone, always speaking up when Ryuzaki scolded him and yet, here she was, declaring she doesn't believe in love, like her heart was made of stone. 

_It just doesn't make any sense…_ he thought and decided to ask a question: 

“Why? What did your ex do to you, that you don't believe in love anymore?”

“He didn't do anything to me he just…” KT bit her lower lip: “...he committed suicide.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm hmm… that was a pretty long chapter, wasn't it? I hope it was worth waiting.  
> Next time: Another close look at L's past with Beyond.


	14. Memories, part II.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, my beautiful readers!  
> I am now bringing you an exclusive portion of L's past with BB! So sit down, have a coffee, fasten your seatbelts and come with me on a ride… oh… and make a coffee sweet because this is gonna be bitter! :P

KT opened the metal door leading to the tower roof. She knew she would find her brother there. He was standing near the edge of the roof, looking at the sunset, with hands in his pockets. 

L didn't have to look back to know it was her. 

“So how was the lunch?” he asked. He didn't have the opportunity to do it the whole afternoon and it didn't lighten up his bad mood. He felt anxious after the talk with chief Yagami. 

“Interesting and boring at the same time...” she told him and stopped right next to him: “Misa is not so stupid as she looks and get something out of her will probably take time… and Light's presence wasnt helping much. She is obviously very attached to him. Although I can't say it's mutual.”

L smirked. 

KT noticed and rolled her eyes: “You've got it pretty bad, hmm?”

L shrugged, not saying a thing. 

KT smiled and eyed her feet: “I can't blame you. I would probably even approve of him if he wasn't... You know.”

“A mass murderer?” 

“Yeah…” she let out.

“Well we don't pick up who we fall for.”

KT bit her lower lip: “Yeah… we dont.”

There was a moment of silence between them, both their eyes fixed on the sun set.

“L… do you realize you can't win this? If we find proof that he is Kira, he's gonna end up in jail till the end of his life or worse...be executed. And if we won't… I don't even wanna voice possible scenarios. There is simply no possibility of a happy ending.”

L closed his eyes, let out a long exhale and whispered: “It is, if I can change him…”

KT chuckled and hid her hands in her pockets, mirroring L's stance: “ _Christ_ you are a _sick romantic_.” 

L finally looked her in the eyes and his own eyes were desperate: “I don't have much of a choice left KT. It's all or nothing now.” 

KT shook her head and decided to leave the topic, for both of their sakes: “There was another murder. A victim was found a few minutes ago. A body position is the same as the one from this morning.”

L let out a huff.

“Do you have any idea what he is trying to tell us?” KT asked.

L shook his head: “No… but I guess he's using some kind of code. I think the number of victims is going to increase rapidly, before we will be able to read it.” 

KT frowned: “So he is playing for time?”

“Probably… I think these… murders, deaths or whatever you wanna call it, are just a veil. There is something else going on behind.”

“Do you think it is connected to events in LA two years ago?”

L nodded. 

KT eyed her feet and started very cautiously: “You never really told me what happened back then…”

“You had enough of your own problems after A…”

That was true. KT was pretty much a mess after A's death. 

“That doesnt mean I wouldn't listen…”

L hesitated for a moment. He was postponing this conversation for a long time. But he knew he has to tell her all he knows, if not for the relieve, then for the case: 

“He… I found out B was there as soon as I took the LA case. For some reason he was posing as me and helping to solve the case. He was working with agent Naomi Misora and it looked like he was on some track. So I only observed from afar. I thought that he probably needed some time alone and he wouldn't want me to just appear there. The truth is I was frightened to talk to him. Because as long as I didnt face him I could believe he would come back.”

There was a moment of silence. KT didn't say a thing and only listened.

“The day you came to visit me in LA HQs he appeared at the door. It turned out he knew I was there all the time and he wanted to talk. But when I let him in he shot Watari with some poisoned arrow and knocked me down.”

KT nodded: “Yes… That's how I found Watari. But it was not poison, only some sleeping substance. He didn't really want to kill him.”

L shrugged: “Yes I know. But back then, I thought he killed him and wanted to kill me as well. When I woke up I was tied up, my head was aching and B was….. he was acting like a mad man. Like it was not even him anymore. He was spatting abuses and he… he was accusing me of A's death all over again. It didn't make much of a sense to tell you the truth.”

KT frowned. She was expecting something a little worse: “That's why you never wanted to tell me? Because you were worried he might be right?”

L nodded. He felt guilt over A's death. And even greater after B kidnapped him and accused him. 

KT bit her inner cheek. She knew something L didn't but there was _no way_ she was going to tell him: “A couldn't stand the pressure of being your successor. He was fed up with it for a long time. But that doesn't make his death your fault. If someone has a part about it then it's me. We argued a lot about it. He wanted to leave and do something else but I pushed him to stay. I was afraid he would leave me if he leaves the Wammy's.”

L looked at her with surprise: “You never told me that…”

“It wasn't important anymore…” KT shook her head and looked at the setting sun again: “I guess we should talk more.” She added. 

L smiled and said nothing to that.

“Do you think Beyond's change had something to do with A's death? They were best friends after all…” L asked after a moment. 

KT's heart rate increased. She knew she couldn't panic now or L will notice: “In some way… probably. But I doubt it would drive him to killing people.”

L nodded: “I agree… Beyond is strong. He always was.There must have been something else.” 

KT nodded and didn't comment on that. But she knew something L didn't. Something that actually might push B over the edge and make him a murderer. And this truth would break L as much as it broke her back then. And if there was any way to protect L from this, she will. Even if it meant killing Beyond with her bare hands. 

* * *

Light was laying in his bed with hands behind his head. He was staring at the ceiling and was replaying the whole lunch in front of his eyes. He learned many important information today. KT let out a lot about her brother, including his most favourite sweets and a few real foods he is able to eat and also enjoy. That made Light smile. He was thinking about the possibility of cooking him dinner soon. 

But…

There was something more important. And that's the fact that KT knew about them. He wasn't sure if she figured out by herself or L told her. He didn't really know how close the twins were. 

If L told her, there is a high possibility she also knows details of the Kira case.

_That would mean she is actually spying on me and Misa._

Light closed his eyes. He wasn't sure. She didn't let out any indication that she knew about them being suspects. She knew about Death Note and the Shinigami of course. But if she knew about him and Misa being involved so deep, she was hiding it very well. There was a possibility that L didn't tell her. But there was also a possibility that he did and she was actually after them.

KT was a problem. At the beginning he thought she is rather harmless but now? He couldn't figure her out. He couldn't read her. She was shifting her facades so fast that he had no idea which one was real. 

He growled in frustration. 

It was different with L. He only wore one face and if you were around him long enough you were able to tell little shifts in his emotional states. But KT… no way. She was an agent one second, a teasing sister a second later, a totally cool friend at lunch, a heartless bitch around men, a sweetheart protecting Matsuda or Misa even…. She was so complex that Light started feeling as a simple human being. 

_Or maybe she is that good actress…. She said it herself, after all._

_She and Birthday had some acting classes._

_Shit… she is pretty dangerous._ Light realized finally. 

He took his phone from the bedside table and called Misa. But he immediately rolled his eyes at her enthusiastic greeting:

_“Light! My love! MisaMisa is so happy you are calling! Today's lunch was great! We simply must get KT and Matsu together! They are destined! I know it!”_

“Yeah Misa… today was really great, you are right… listen, we have to meet in private.”

_“Oh Light finally!”_

Light hid his face with his hand and let out a sigh: “Not like that Misa… it's a… work thing.” 

_“Umpff… but we can always combine business with pleasure.”_

Light felt his stomach squeeze at that idea: “Come to HQs tomorrow, 1 PM, I will take you out for lunch.”

_“Yeaaayyy!”_

* * *

_“Don't be ridiculous BB, it's just a notebook! Somebody wanted to prank you!”_

_A told him as he was examining the black leather notebook in his hands._

_B frowned at him. He was actually pretty nervous about that thing:_

_“I don't know man… how would they get into the house? You know L's security! If there was someone in the house and put that notebook on my bed, he would already know.”_

_“Did you try to ask him?”_

_B frowned and looked at his feet: “I tried but I can't reach him.”_

_“You two are having some problems lately huh?”_

_“Yeah…” B sat down on the bed in their old room. A was still living there from time to time. Actually every time he argued with KT._

_“Wanna talk about it?”_

_B shrugged: “I don't know… you are engaged to KT, I don't want her to know. She could make a fuss about it.”_

_A came to the bed and sat right next to him: “Hey bro, who do you take me for? I wont tell her a thing… and besides, she is not very talkative lately.”_

_“Same situation huh?”_

_A chucked: “Probably…So what's with you and L?”_

_B exhaled loudly: “Nothing much… and that's the problem. He's gone for his cases all the time and I am home, making a nanny.”_

_A lifted his eyebrow: “That sucks.”_

_There was a moment of silence: “I guess we will never be good enough for them, will we?”_

_B eyed him with a frown: “What do you mean?”_

_A rolled his eyes: “Oh come on B… we don't have to lie to each other here. I remember what you said back then, at the wedding. You wanted to get close to L because you had enough of the fact that everyone was acting like he's a saint and we were dirt under his feet. You were fed up with it. And you wanted to humiliate him.”_

_B shrugged: “Yes, I admit it started that way but I got to know him better later on and you know he's not actually like that.”_

_“Maybe, but he is still making everything more important than you. Or the boys…”_

_There was a moment of silence. B couldn't look his friend in the eye. He knew that was true. And he hated that truth._

_“I could never overlook you like that….” A said with a soft tone._

_Beyond looked at him, with surprised eyes. They were sitting very close to each other, staring into each other's eyes. He couldn't help but feel the pull towards the other man. And A was also leaning in._

_“What about KT…. and L?” B asked while shifting his gaze to A's lips._

_“L is not here for you. I am… I am always around. And you must have figured already why I am with KT …”_

_Beyond's eyes widen. The realization finally hit him. But before he could process it A's lips were on his and he felt such a passion, like never before._

B's eyes snapped open. He was dreaming about A. Again. But this was not a dream. It was a memory. One of those that were coming back to his mind again and again. It was a few days before they found him with a rope around his neck… 

Beyond felt his eyes filling with tears. 

“Shit no…” he mumbled and got off the mattress. He felt chill and saw a cloud of cold in front of his mouth every time he breathed out. It started freezing. 

_Fucking great…_

He knew he would have to leave this hideout soon and find some place with at least… electricity. He made a few steps, lit a cigarette and leaned his back against one of the remaining walls. He couldn't stop thinking about it. His mind was occupied with possible scenarios and all of them started at that damn wedding years ago. 

Before that he had a great relationship with A. They were closest friends and shared all of their frustrations about being successors. They both hated being only back up for a younger boy who was considered a prodigy. They just wanted to be themselves. They were 18, they were dating girls, boys and experimented. At some point they even started flirting with each other. It started as a joke but they were carrying it further still. Until the wedding. 

The fact that L showed up there was a great opportunity to get him to his knees. So Beyond approached him, seduced him and deflowered him. But another thing happened that night. B realized L wasn't that bad in person. He was just an extremely intelligent young man in the hands of people who didn't know any better than making him a machine. 

B wanted to cut that shit after the first night but he couldn't bring himself to do it. L was actually nice and he didn't deserve having his heart break. Especially, when B was his first. 

A thought it was an act all along. He thought B was just toying the L to humiliate him later. But B started to genuinely like L after a few weeks. And after two months when they realized something was pretty wrong with L's biology, there was no turning back. 

They were going to be parents.

And B took things as they came. 

At the beginning he wanted to screw L over. But he ended up with hands full of strange young man who was actually able to carry a child. It wasn't so bad for him in the end. He really moved from “the back up” to the front line and had L's attention. 

A wasn't talking with him for months after realizing B is not playing a game. He of course didn't know Mello on the way and thought that B simply fell for L. And B sort of did. But not immediately… it was growing very slowly and it had to do very much with Mello. Because how could you not fall for someone who gave you a child? 

Later on, A came back to his life. Hand in hand with KT, their childhood friend and L's twin sister. B was suspicious about it back then, because A was always more into boys than girls but he was just happy to have him back in his life, so he let it go. 

A understood B's motivation later on when he met little Mello. And life was great for a while. With the four of them together, little Mells toddling around and solving crimes on daily bases. 

B let out a pile of smoke and watched it disappear in the air. He didn't want his thoughts to go any further. Because what came after that were only bad decisions. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my... I couldn't help myself but post this right away… somehow this is currently my most favourite chapter. I can't wait to hear your thoughts!!!


	15. Behind the curtain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers, thank you for your amazing response for the last chapter. Some of you got pretty emotional there and I am so happy to get under your skin! I must say that your perception of love surprised me. I am probably too old to believe in romantic love that lasts forever and I actually adore B for staying with L for the baby and yes, I still call that love. :D :D :D But we could have looong looong polemic about this topic. So let's just let it be and enjoy this new chapter - romantic coming! :P Love you.

Chief Yagami frowned when he saw Light leaving with Misa for lunch. He was disgusted by his son's behaviour. One moment he was practically stuck on L, showing how much he was annoyed by Misa Amane, and then he was taking her out for lunch like a proper boyfriend. 

_ Oh Light, I thought I raised you better than this.  _ Soichiro thought and shot a glance at L. The detective was typing furiously on his keyboard and seemed focused on his work. 

Chief Yagami shook his head. 

L told him that he didn't use the situation to seduce Light but he also did not deny his theory that Light did. And judging by Light's over protective and highly caring behaviour, Soichiro had a gut feeling that Light was actually trying to get L.

_ So… my son might be gay. Or bisexual.  _

It wasn't the first time this thought crossed his mind. But it was dismissed later on, when Light started dating girls at high school. Soichiro felt pretty relieved back then. Not that he was homophobic, or something, but it was just easier having a  _ normal  _ son. 

_ There is always the possibility that this is just a phase…. _ He thought:  _ And it's gonna pass as fast as it came.  _

Soichiro held a little hope, that L will be still unresponsive towards Light as he was for the past few weeks. He was observing them from afar. L held his expression always the same while Light was fooling around. He didn't seem to enjoy his attention. 

_ Maybe Light will lose his interest and shift his attention back to Misa.  _

_ Misa.... _

Soichiro didn't really like the girl. She was pretty, had a carrier but that was all about her. She was not trustworthy and she was extremely annoying even for his taste. He could actually sympathize with Light trying to find someone else...

_ Oh Gods, what am I thinking?!  _ He scolded himself internally. There were things, more important than feelings. There was a duty and liability Light should act with. But he didn't. He was dating Misa and trying to seduce L at the same time. And the chief wasn't happy the boy acted like that. Like a horny teenager who didn't know what to do with his feelings. 

_ Maybe I should talk to him…  _ He shook his head:  _ No… I can't. He's practically an adult. _

Another unpleasant thought crossed Soichiro's mind: if Light was able to lie to Misa about their relationship, act dishonestly towards the girl and try to seduce L at the same time, what else is Light capable of? 

_ Do I even know my son anymore?  _

_ Oh Light… What happened to you? _

* * *

Light knew his beloved L was pissed when seeing him leaving with Misa. But doing it in front of him was still better than doing it behind his back. He can explain to him later anyway. L could be handled by reason. Unlike Misa, who was currently spilling out all her  _ best restaurant _ ideas to him.

“We can go wherever you want Misa, but we will take a walk first. I need fresh air.” He told her and pointed at the nearby park.

Misa's eyes sparkled and she happily followed Light to the park while talking about Matsuda and KT. Light wasn't listening to her really. The main reason for the walk was the possibility to speak with Shinigami if needed. 

Misa realized he is not listening to her after a moment. She pushed her lips into a thin line and decided to get his attention: “So how is it going with Ryuzaki?”

Light finally came back to earth and made his best effort not to blush: “Good.” he lied: “But I doubt you wanna talk about that.” 

Misa frowned: “No, I don't. But he seems to be the only topic you react to properly. If i didn't know better I would say that you have feelings for him.”

Light started laughing: “Don't be ridiculous Misa.” he pulled her into his arms: “He is my main problem so it's natural that my mind is occupied by him. You dont have to worry about my heart. It is still where it should be. At our goal. A new better world.” 

Light leaned in and kissed her on the lips. Misa happily participated, melting under his lips. But Light felt like kissing a fish. He ended the kiss after a moment and they continued their walk. 

“Misa I need you to do something for me…” Light started.

Misa growled: “Again Light? Don't you think you asked enough the last time?” 

Light frowned internally:  _ Damn her, she is not such an idiot sometimes.  _

Light smiled at her: “But you are going to like this task…. I need you to befriend KT.”

Misa gave him a confused look: “Well… that shouldn't be hard… but why?”

“She is Ryuzaki's sister and I have a bad feeling about her. I think she's up to something. She might be after us.”

Misa shook her head: “That's ridiculous, she's such a sweetheart.” 

A loud laughter came from above them and they saw Ryuk flying above their heads: “Sweetheart?! She?! That's funny! Huyk, Huyk! That's just funny!” 

Light raised and eyebrow: “Want to share something with us, Ryuk?” He asked and looked at Misa, so the people around wouldn't look at him strangely. 

Ryuk flew beside them and made a face as he was thinking about it: “No… not really. It wouldn't be fun then but…. I guess it can't hurt you to know that she has more than one gun and knife at her appartement. And she certainly knows how to use them.” 

Light raised an eyebrow: “What were you doing in her apartment?! You told me you won't spy on her when I asked you.”

“Ehm… hmm… I was… well….”

Misa started laughing so hard that she was crying. Light and Ryuk were watching her with confusion. 

“He likes her!” she finally said, holding her already aching diaphragm: “Oh my god he is in love with a human!” 

Ryuk tilted his head and looked confused.

“Is it true, Ryuk? Have you finally gained a weakness?” Light teased him. 

Ryuk scratched his head, thinking about it: “Well… she is very nice to look at, I admit that. But I dont give a damn if she dies or not so… I guess I am not in love with her.”

Misa finally stopped laughing: “That's good Ryuk! Because KT belongs to Matsu!” 

Now it was Ryuk's time to laugh: “Yeah! Hyuk” Hyuk! She won a lottery with him!”

Light rolled his eyes: “Stop you two.” 

They both turned their heads to him. Light pulled a photo from his pocket and showed it in direction to Misa, but Ryuk saw it too. 

“Ryuk, can you see this man's name?”

Ryuk nodded: “Yeah, of course.”

“Who is it, Light?” Misa asked, because she didn't understand what it was about. But Light ignored her: “Is it Beyond Birthday, or do you see a different name?” 

Ryuk gave him an amused look: “Why would I tell you?”

Light growled: “Come on Ryuk, I am not asking you for the name, just tell me if I've got the right name or not.”

Ryuk finally focused his eyes on the name at the photo and then… he hesitated. The name he saw was really Beyond Birthday and his lifespan was ending within two months. But the weird thing was that he saw Light already writing this name in the past. There was something strange about this guy… 

“I'm not telling you Light… I won't spoil the fun!”

Light growled in frustration: "You are really good for nothing Ryuk!" 

"Careful there Light-o. I gave you power over life and death. I can easily take it back." Shinigami warned him. 

"Then why wont you?" Light knew the answer, but he wanted to be sure. 

"Because I am still having fun.  _ For now _ ."

Light smirked and turned back to Misa: "That man is a murderer I need to get rid of. But I don't have his true name. I thought I killed him in the past but obviously not. But you don't need to think about that. Right now, Misa, I need you to befriend KT. I need to know what kind of person she really is. I think she is acting most of the time but I need to know which part is played and which part is really her."

Ryuk was surprised: "You are really giving such an important task to Misa, Light-o?" 

Misa gave Ryuk a scolding look.

"Yes, they seem to get along well. And I will give Misa a small bug to record everything she says. I can analyze it later.”

Ryuk laughed: “That makes better sense.”

Misa gave Light a hard look: “You don't believe Misa can judge people, Light?”

Light shook his head saying: “It's not like that. But I need to be hundred percent sure with her.”

Misa folded her hands on her chest: "Alright Light. I will do it. But only to prove you wrong. I am sure KT is a normal woman. Unlike Ryuzaki.”

Light took her by her shoulders, staring into her eyes: “Listen to me Misa. I need you to focus. I need you to get to know her. Her past, her secrets, her dreams. It shouldn't be a problem for you as a woman. Gain her trust and record everything she says."

Misa nodded: "I will befriend her. But because I want to. And because I can use the opportunity to get her and Matsu together."

* * *

When Light returned back to HQs he had a pretty bad headache and he knew he don't want to see Misa for at least a week. His eyes landed on the empty chair. L wasn't there anymore. It didn't surprise him. He knew L would be pissed. But when L wasn't around, there was no way to explain himself. He needed to get to him somehow. Then… he got an idea. He smirked and excused himself from the investigation for the rest of the day. He headed straight to the kitchen and started working on his little  _ I am sorry _ plan. 

Ryuk was watching his human moving around the kitchen and he wasn't sure what Light-o was up to this time. But his gut told him it had something to do with the dark haired detective. He decided to leave the boy be and flew away. He needed to talk to Rem anyway. 

He found her fast, she was wondering through the tower's hall like she did all the time. Ryuk almost felt sorry for her. She was now tied up to the detective and couldn't really go anywhere far. She must have been bored to death. 

_ Wouldn't it be funny? If she killed L? I wonder what Light-o would do.  _ Ryuk thought and started grinning. 

Rem noticed him and frowned: "What do you want Ryuk?" 

Ryuk scratched the back of his head. He was always nervous of her. Rem was older and she always took things way too seriously. She was no fun. But at least… she knew things… 

"Eh… Rem… wanna ask you something…”

“Then ask me.” she told him with a bored voice.

“Is there any way to prevent the death of someone whose name is written in a death note?”

Rem frowned at him: “Why are you asking stupid questions? Once a name is written nothing can be done. You know it.”

Ryuk frowned: “I know that but… are you sure there is no way? Or some way to be immune?”

“A humane is only immune to the effects of a death note when its name is already written in another death note. Which makes him death anyway.”

Ryuk tilted his head. So Beyond Birthday's name must have been written down before Light wrote it but…

“How far in the future can a human with a death note plan another human's death?” Ryuk asked another question. Rem started looking seriously annoyed: “23 days Ryuk. How can you be a Shinigami when you don't even know the basics?!”

Ryuk opened and closed his mouth. This mystery was getting really interesting: “So there is no way a human's name could be written…” Ryuk was counting… “… a year ahead?”

Rem gave him a suspicious look. She knew Ryuk was up to something: “Why are you asking these questions?”

Ryuk shrugged: “Filling gaps in my education?” 

Rem raised an eyebrow and shook her head in disbelief. But she gave him the answer anyway: “A human with a death note is not able to plan another human's death such a long time ahead. Nor another Shinigami… however....” she paused and gave Ryuk a stern look: “... the king can do it.”

Ryuk felt shivers run through his spine. He imagined the old red eyed skeleton with a crown on his head and felt like throwing up all the apples he ate that day. If the Shinigami king was somehow involved in this... maybe it was time to kill Light and fly home. 

_ Oh what am I thinking? I can't spoil the fun just because the old man is in the town… _

He told himself, but felt strangely insecure anyway. 

* * *

L was furious the whole afternoon. He wasnt surprised that Misa Amane appeared at HQs but when she announced she had a date with Light, L started seeing red. When she was leaving, hanging on Light's arm L was blinded by jealousy. It didn't matter that Light shot him an apologetic glance and mouthed: “I'll explain later”. He was leaving with her! They were going to have fucking lunch at some fancy restaurant and Amane will be stealing Light's touches and kisses. L felt like breaking something. Most probably his keyboard. That thing was making the most alarming sounds under his fingers. 

As much as he tried to argue some sense to himself, he was failing. He knew they were probably having some “Kira strategy” meeting and nothing was going to happen between them, but jealousy was eating him alive anyway. 

He decided to leave for his room sooner than he would start spitting insults at the task force. He didn't need them to realize why he is so moody. 

It was already 7PM and he hasn't done much work. He spent every five minutes watching security cameras checking if Light was already back. And the fact that he came back after  _ 3 fucking hours _ and then retired from HQs, wasnt helping. 

3 hours were enough time to have much more than lunch or strategy meeting. 

_ I can't believe I am feeling like this. He's a damn murderer, rapist and I should be happy he is focusing on someone else.  _

L heard the knock at the door. He raised an eyebrow.

“Yes?”

Watari came in with a plate full of food. Which was strange, because 7 PM was not L's regular eating time. But the smell coming from the plate was delicious. 

“What is it, Watari? Smells amazing.”

The old man smirked and placed the plate at L's bed.

“I believe it is homemade lasagna bolognese, next to it tiramisu, lavender lemonade and next to it…” Watari pointed out at the piece of paper “... the secret message from your lover.”

L's eyes widened, his heart started beating furiously and he felt his face heating. He was at loss of words: “Did Light…. Did he? He did this?”

Watari smiled knowingly: “I must inform you, my boy, that Yagami-kun spent over two hours in the kitchen, preparing dinner for you and then came to ask me, to deliver it.”

L started smiling from ear to ear. He was looking at the delicious food on the plate, feeling his mouth water and his heart felt strangely warm. 

“But Watari… Those are my favourites…. How did he know?”

The old man shrugged and stood up to leave: “I have no idea L. But something tells me Miss KT might have known something about it.”

L chuckled. He was so impressed, happy and overwhelmed by the gesture that he wasn't even mad at KT for letting something like this out. 

“I'll leave you for your dinner and your… latter.” Watari told him with amusement and left the room. As soon as the door closed behind him, L took the latter and started reading, while chewing on his thumb nervously. 

_ “A little bird told me,  _

_ to spread my wings and fly to Italy, _

_ to learn from old masters,  _

_ to make the most delicious specialities,  _

_ for only the best tastes are worthy of your mouth, your lips, your tongue.  _

_ For only you deserve the best, _

_ And I am still hoping, _

_ To be worthy of you one day. _

_ Until that day I'll be waiting and dreaming of your mouth, your lips, your tongue. _

_ And mostly of your smile, _

_ Which brightens my days, _

_ More than Sun ever could. _

_ Light _

_ PS: Turn the page.” _

L was smiling like a fool and he felt his eyes teary. He flipped the paper and it said: 

_ “I never slept with Misa and never will. You are my first and my last.”  _

Tears of happiness were silently falling on L's cheeks and down to the bed. He was staring at the letter, rereading it over again and watching the small feast at the plate. He didn't feel like eating it. It would be such a waste to eat a romantic gesture. 

_ But it smells heavenly… _

His mouth water again and he bit his lower lip. 

_ It would also be a waste of Light's time if I don't eat it.  _

With that thought, L hid the letter to his bedside table, took his phone and snapped a picture of a plate. He wanted to savour the moment at least somehow. But the moment he tasted the lasagna he knew, he will remember forever.

_ God, Light, if you ever stop being Kira, I am marrying you the same day. _

* * *

Next day, early in the morning Watari came to the investigation room with a few folders in his hands. There was only L, KT and Light at that time. Watari saw far from behind them how L is fighting temptation to turn to Light and kiss him. His posture was much more at ease after yesterday. 

Watari headed to L and put the folders on his table. 

“What is it Watari?”

“Personal files of a few teachers of Aikido we can consider.”

Light lifted his eyebrow: “You want to learn Aikido, Ryuzaki?” 

“Not me… Mello.” L said and sent Light a shy smile: “I promised boys they can start some free time activities if they will behave for the first two weeks so…”

KT looked at him from her computer: “He really asked for Aikido? I always thought he wanted to do capoeira, like you.”

“I also lived under that belief.”

“What did Near ask for?” Light asked him. 

L was positively surprised by Light's interest in his sons. And after yesterday's dinner he didn't feel like acting reserved towards him, so he decided to answer: “Near wanted someone to teach him calligraphy and to play Shogi with him.”

Light's face lit up: “Oh that's great! I love Shogi. I could play with him sometimes…”

Light saw a small smile forming on L's face. He knew the dinner worked by the looks L was giving him from the moment he came to HQs. He also realized that the way to L's heart will lead through the children. So he decided to ask a few more questions about them and L was happy to answer. 

KT stopped listening to them as the first flirty shit came out of Yagami's mouth. She again focused on BB's investigation. In the last few days she got through security video records from all the shops selling artificial blood in Tokyo. But she found nothing. KT knew Beyond wouldnt be so stupid to come to any shop as himself but she hopped to recognize at least his style of walk… or something. And according to the records, no shop was selling artificial blood in bigger amounts in the last weeks. But that was not surprising either. BB wasn't an idiot. So if he was hiding in Tokyo, they had a pretty small chance to find him. 

KT's mind stopped at that. 

_ But if he is not hiding in Tokyo… _

She frowned and bit her lower lip.

_ If I was B and I wanted to hide somewhere in Japan, where would I go? _

Then it hit her. She immediately stood up and turned to her brother: “L, did you ever tell Beyond where we are from?”

L looked surprised: “Sure… why are you….” he stopped as realization hit him: “shit… the house in Osaka.”

KT nodded: “It would be a perfect hideout!”

L brought his thumb to his mouth, thinking: “If it's still there… it was a ruin last time we were there…”

“It is still there…” she told him. 

“How do you know?”

KT bit her lower lip: “I was there a few years ago…”

“WHY?!” L stood up abruptly. 

KT threw her hands in the air: “I wanted to know if I could find some family from mother's side…”

L rolled his eyes: “Shit KT! Do you know how dangerous that is?!”

“It doesn't matter now! The house is still there! Mostly ruined, yes, but you could actually spend the night there. And it's not even 3 hours by Shinkanzen! L! We were searching for him at the wrong place!”

L frowned: “Go… get the train, it's gonna be fastest anyway.”

Light finally let himself known again: “I wanna go with KT. She will need back up.”

“No.” L told him and there was no compromise in his voice, his behaviour shifted to ice again: “You are staying here Yagami-kun.”

Light opened his mouth to argue: “But Beyond Birthday is dangerous. What if something happens to your sister?”

L's eyes stopped at one of the security cameras behind Light's head. Matsuda was just coming to the building.

“She will take Matsuda with her. You would be no use anyway. You don't have a firearm pass yet.”

Light wanted to argue but L wasn't listening to him at all. His eyes were focused on KT. She nodded, took her weapon and left the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hm Hm… Many small events happened in this chapter! Can't wait to hear your thoughts!


	16. The house

“Why didn't you let me go with her? I am not defenseless you know. And your sister might be in greater danger with Matsuda behind her ass. You know what he's like!” Light was furious. He wanted a chance to get Beyond Birthday to his own hands and get rid of him. 

“You are right, Matsuda is not exactly the brightest in here but from what I've heard he's quite a good shooter. And I am sending a security team after them. Don't worry I am not letting my sister into unnecessary danger. And you as well.” L told him, while looking into the Osaka area map on his computer. 

Light frowned and sat down into his chair, frustrated. After a moment he smirked realizing, L was trying to protect him from Beyond. Light moved on his chair, right next to L's and without any hesitation entered his personal space and kissed his cheek: “I am happy you care for me.” he whispered and L slowly turned his face to him. They were so close they could feel the others breath shivering between them. L's eyes wandered to Light's lips and then to his eyes. Light was looking at him with an inviting sight. L could see little sparks dancing in his eyes and he started leaning closer.

Someone cleared his throat behind them. 

It was Watari. 

He was still in the room.

“Ryuzaki cares for all the members of the task force Yagami-kun.” the old man told him with raised eyebrow.

L rolled his eyes and stood up abruptly: “Watari we need to talk.” 

Watari was amused but followed L out of the office.

* * *

Watari was really fighting laughter when they arrived at the office. His boy was furious at him and looked like a teenager again. Watari still remembered those days. It was actually not that long ago, when Beyond Birthday was sneaking into L's room at night and Watari had to step in and destroy their romantic moments. L's pregnancy was too delicate and too risky for them to have sex during the nine months. Not that any of them wanted to hear that. It was pretty similar with Light now. But the situation was much more complicated than just looking after horny teenagers.

“Watari, you really don't need to stay in the room everytime Light and I are alone.” L told him and his eyes were desperate.

Watari sat down on the sofa: “Really? I beg to differ, my boy. The last time I trusted you two alone didn't end up very well.”

L threw himself in the chair opposite Watari: “He won't do it again… you saw how he's been for the last few weeks. He's doing all he can to make it right.”

“I noticed and I am happy for you. But he is still Kira. You need to be careful L. If he realizes he already has your heart he might start focusing on KT or more killing. Remember your plan.” 

L let out a sigh. Watari was right. His plan to distract Light was working pretty well. Kira killings were still happening but at very small numbers. Light really seemed occupied trying to woo L into the relationship: “I know… sorry.”

There was a moment of silence when L looked like he wanted to add something but he was not sure if he should. He looked like a 10 years old again - so unsure of himself.

“You know you can tell me anything L.” Watari reminded him with all the love he could add to his voice. 

L bit his thumb nervously: “I know... It's just… I don't feel very well lately and I kinda… miss human contact.”

Watari gave him a soft smile: “I know L. But you need to focus a little longer. Once you'll catch Beyond, KT and I will help you to end the Kira case. And I will do my best to keep Light safe even after that. I know how much he means to you.”

L's eyes widen. He never thought Watari would want to help him get Light out of this. He was happy about it, but he also knew these thoughts are little too much ahead. 

He let out a sigh: “I wish it was possible. I just…” There was a moment of silence before L spoke again: “I feel like we have _the last opportunity_ to be together. Before it all ends.”

Watari shook his head: “You don't know how it'll end yet.” 

L rested his head on his knee and closed his eyes: “No I don't. But KT is right about this. The chance of a happy ending is close to zero.”

Watari was watching his boy in silence. He was strong. The strongest person he ever met. After all the bad the life had prepared for him, he was still holding on his ideals and goals. So it was quite understandable there were tears building behind L's eyes so often lately. But Watari's mind started to wonder anyway. L was getting more and more emotional in the past few days… not to mention the state of his stomach. 

_Oh God, please not again…._

* * *

“Aren't you worried? If Beyond Birthday is really there, going there in only two might be very dangerous.” Matsuda asked her. He still didn't understand how he ended up on Shinkansen, going to Osaka. He was just walking to HQs, when KT grabbed his arm and told him they were going into Birthday's hideout. 

“We won't be alone Matsuda-san. We both have a security team nearby, remember? They are not allowed to get too close to us if it's not necessary, but if something happens, they wont let us die. So don't worry.” KT told him with a smile and looked out the window. The train was moving fast through the country and the outlines of Tokio were disappearing already. 

“I know but… it is a little unsettling. I know someone is watching over me for the past few weeks but I never really saw anyone! They are like ghosts!” Matsuda told her and laughed with his normal nervous attitude. 

KT smirked: “My brother only employs the best people.”

“Yeah… I wonder what I am doing in the team.” 

KT rolled her eyes: “Hey… don't sell yourself short. He trusts you enough to send you with me, practically alone. You are my number one bodyguard now. That means something.”

Matsuda laughed and scratched the back of his head: “Yes, yes. You are right! I hope I will be able to protect you! If something happens to you, your brother will have my head!”

KT shook her head: “You worry too much Matsuda-san!”

* * *

By the time they got to Osaka, KT started to feel more and more nervous. The ruin of their old house held a little of what's left of her childhood memories. It was the only remaining connection to their original family. Matsuda saw the change in her mood but luckily, did not comment on that. When the taxi dropped them in a nearby street, KT finally spoke again: 

“There is a ruin of a house at the top of the street behind the corner. Beyond is probably hiding there. You will go straight through the main entrance, it's on eyes, so if B will see you, he will try to run through the garden entrance and I will be waiting there. Is that clear?”

Matsuda nodded but wasn't very happy about it: “Do you think it's wise? We shouldn't part. Especially when he is that dangerous.” 

“As far as I know, he didn't kill anyone in the last year. He's only making it look like he did. I doubt he would want to dirty his hands now. He's up to something else. If he's there he will try to run.”

Matsuda frowned at her: “All right, but be careful.”

“I am always.” She smirked and went the opposite direction.

After a few minutes Matsuda finally reached the house ruins. It looked scary from afar but now as he was closer, he was sure he was looking at the house from a horror movie. The left side of the house was just gone. Only one peripheral wall was remaining and the rest were just small hills of bricks already overgrown with tall grass and bushes. But the vegetation was dead now. It was already December. 

The right side of the house was much better. Matsuda realized it had to be european style house before. It still had two floors but probably very unstable. Visible rooms were ending in the air with not much of a support. All the windows were gone so he could see inside of the ground floor. But there was nothing much to see. The rooms were empty and a little left of paint on the walls. He stood there for a while, observing and right when he wanted to go through what's left of a metal gate in front of a house, someone spoke to him: “I wouldn't go there, young man. It's a house of ghosts.”

Matsuda almost jumped out of his skin with a shock. The street was empty a second ago and now the old man, white haired man was standing right next to him. He remembered his courtesy and bowed to the elder man. He returned the gesture and spoke again: “As I said, nothing worthy there. Only ghosts and moldy walls.” the old man eyed Matsuda from head to toes: “Why are you here?”

Matsuda laughed nervously: “I am … I am the real estate broker. I am searching for new grounds to build houses.”

The old man shook his head and looked at the house: “Then this is the wrong place.”

Matsuda eyed him. The old man looked deadly serious: “Why do you think there are ghosts? Did you see someone in the house recently?”

The old man nodded: “I have been seeing ghosts there for almost 20 years already. But it's getting worse the last month. They were there only at night, but now, I am hearing voices from there even at day time.”

“For 20 years? You think there are ghosts for 20 years? Why are you still living here then?” Matsuda thought the man was crazy. He looked a little like a homeless person actually. 

_Maybe he will just want money for the good story._

“I have lived here my whole life, I am too old to move somewhere. But the nearby houses....” he pointed to the four houses around: “...are empty. People move in, and move out again. No one stays. Everyone is talking about the ghost of the crazy chemist who lived there. I think he is still there, trapped in the ruins, grieving the death of his wife and children.”

The story scared and saddened Matsuda: “What happened here? Why is the house in ruins?”

“The scientist, I don't remember his name anymore, but he was foreign, French, or something like that, he had a laboratory at home and made some experiments. I know he was working together with his wife who was a biologist and some of the experiments went wrong. The house exploded and the whole family died here. The chemist, his wife and their children.”

Matsuda frowned: “That's weird, I don't remember reading about this anywhere.”

The old man eyed Matsuda again and laughed: “That's because you are too young. As I said, the house is in ruins for almost 20 years.” 

Matsuda scratched the back of his head: “You are right… I was maybe six years old then… I can't remember.”

There was a moment of silence, when both men were looking at the ruins of the house. Then the old man spoke again: “I only pity the children. The parents shouldn't have a lab in their house. And those little souls paid the price.” 

Matsuda nodded: “Yes, it's really sad.”

The man let out a loud sigh: “I still remember them, you know. They were twins. Dark haired, pale, with big eyes. They were running around the street, playing and laughing. The boy was always coming to me for a lollipop. And the girl was scolding him about getting fat. She was always very protective of him… Poor little things. They didn't deserve to die.” 

_Twins? Pale? Lollipops? Oh my God! Is this their house?!_

* * *

Beyond was resting on his mattress, almost asleep when he heard voices from the front of the house. He frowned and got up. Slowly, he moved within the inner walls on the second floor, where his hideout was, and looked out from one of the window holes. He quickly checked the area and spotted two men talking. They were turned by his backs to him, so he looked out again to check them better. There was an old man from the other side of the street and another, much younger and taller. 

_Okay, guys, just finish the talking… and leave…_

But the opposite happened. The men waved their goodbyes and the younger turned towards the house. BB quickly hid behind the wall. He heard the metal gate creaking.

_Shiiiiit..._

BB moved his position to see the man better from the place he could not be seen. He now saw his face almost from the front. 

_Matsuda Touta_ , the latters above his head said. And the numbers above his head were giving him a pretty long time ahead. 

BB was observing him from above. The man was young, probably a little younger than him. Dressed in a suit. 

_He could be a real estate broker or…_ then BB spotted a gun at his waist … _shit he's a cop._

BB moved faster then he ever imagined he could. This was bad. Even if he was just checking the house for whatever reasons, B couldn't be found there. And he couldn't just kill him because that would attract attention to the house and L would realize he was hiding there. His plan was perfect till now. L only mentioned the place to him once and B knew L was kind of scared of that place. So the chance of L searching for him there, was under 5 procent. But he didn't count on some random cop to appear. 

BB quickly packed his things into the bag and moved to the staircase. He stopped when he heard the steps from below. The cop was already in the building. After a moment he saw him. He had a gun ready in his hand and he was slowly approaching the damaged staircase. 

_God dammit!_

BB moved into one of the rooms again. He decided to climb down the wall of the window so he moved to the front part of the house. He looked out the window and quickly backed up. There were some strange people on the street. People he never saw there. 

_Agents… maybe L realized after all._

BB turned and quickly paced to the garden part of the house. He was moving silently and quickly as a small mouse. The cop was already climbing the unstable staircase to the second floor. He knew he needed to hurry. He looked out the window to the garden. It looked empty but someone could be hiding behind the trees and bushes. He had no other option; he had to risk it. He moved towards the window but a familiar voice stopped him: “I wouldn't go there if I were you. There is a woman hiding, waiting for you.”

BB frowned at the Shinigami beside him and whispered: “What woman?”

The Shinigami looked out the window. Unlike a human, he could actually see through the trees and read her name: “K Lawliet.”

BB's eyes shattered. L's sister. A's fiance. One of his best childhood friends. It all made sense. If she was after him, he was in much greater danger than from L. Because L could never really kill him even if he wanted to. But KT was a different story. She was very protective of her family. And he hurt L pretty bad. Not to mention that she would probably strangle the last breath out of him if she knew something ever happened between him and A. 

He needed a new plan. 

_She's with the cop._ _He was supposed to drive me out of the lair._ B realized.

He smirked. _She gets it. She knows I won't kill him... But no one said I can't hurt him._

B moved around the walls back to the staircase. The cop was already up there, examining the front of the house. He was currently turned by his back to Beyond. B used the situation, grabbed some wooden deam piece from the floor and quickly crossed the room to the cop. 

**_BAM!_ **

The gun shoot echoed the place. 

The cop fell down to the ground as fast as B hit his head with the beam but the cop also pulled the trigger and his gun shot the ceiling. 

_SHIT!_

BB quickly ran to the front window and saw all the men from the street quickly moving towards the house. He ran to the garden part and saw KT running towards the house. Maybe it wasn't that bad after all. Not as he planned, but he still had a chance to escape.

The moment he heard KT's steps on the staircase he climbed down the window. When he was closer to the ground he jumped down and ran away through the garden. 

* * *

KT felt the cold sweat all over her body when she heard the gunshot. She quickly forgot about her plan and her legs were carrying towards her house. She ran up the staircase and saw Matsuda lying on the floor. She quickly closed the distance between them and kneeled beside him. She checked his vital signs and searched for the wound. But there was no blood around except for a little on his head…

_His head…_

KT spotted the wooden beam nearby and realized it was Matsuda's own gun to shoot. She quickly stood up and ran to the back yard window. She saw a tall man's figure moving away through the garden. She immediately took out her gun and shot at him. But no matter how good she was at shooting, he was too fast and too far away already for her gun to be effective. 

“Come back, you fucking coward!” she screamed while she was running down the stairs and went after him. She was running as fast as she could, through the garden, to the next street but she lost him anyway. She knew it was pointless at that point, so she stopped to catch her breath.

After a moment she took out her phone and called L. 

_“Yes?”_

“L, I need you to mobilize the police force here in Osaka. He was here but ran away.”

_“WHAT?! How could you let him run?!”_

“Things didn't go exactly as well as I planned.” She panted and saw two agents moving towards her. 

_“I see. Secure the place and call me back as soon as you have something. I'll handle the rest.”_ L told her with an ice calm voice. That meant he was furious. 

KT turned towards the agents who were already standing next to her: “My colleague?”

“Just a small wound on his head. He will be alright. You?”

KT raised his eyebrow: “Good, but some help catching that bastard would be useful next time.”

The agent looked indifferent: “We only have orders to look after you and your colleague. We had strict orders not to interfere with your investigation.”

KT rolled her eyes and growled: “Of course you have.”

* * *

When KT came back to the house, Matsuda was already conscious. He had two agents around, one of them was treating the wound on his head. KT nodded her head to show them to leave and they did, without a world. In that moment Matsuda turned to her with sad eyes: “KT-san, I am so sorry, I screwed up.”

KT shook her head and kneeled next to him. She took the bandage, the tape and started to cover the wound on Matsuda's head. He jerked a little at her touch because he felt sharp pain.

“It is not your fault. It's mine. I panicked when I heard the gun and I left my position. I gave him a chance to escape. You were doing fine.”

Matsuda looked shocked: “So you went to check on me before going after him?”

KT nodded, not meeting his eyes. 

He smiled: “I am glad. Thank you.”

She finally looked into his eyes: “You thank me? L is going to have our both heads and you thank me?”

“You went to help your colleague first. That means you value life more than just the task. That's important. If you went blindly after him, I would be afraid to work with you in the future. It is always better to have someone you can count on in the field. Not someone who only blindly follows the orders.”

KT finished covering his wound and frowned at him: “What you are saying is not exactly in accordance with any police force philosophy I know. If I remember it right, following the orders is always above everything. Acting in favour of one, can lead to losing many in the future.” 

Matsuda gave her a soft smile: “Yes, but it's important to be human. If you forget about compassion you are no better then...”

“L?” she cut him off with a sharp look.

Matsuda shook his head: “I was going to say Kira.”

There was a moment of silence before Matsuda spoke again: “I know your brother is not a bad person. He showed his good heart many times. Did you know that every member of the task force has a life insurance paid by him? He acts heartless most of the time and his harsh methods simply overshadow his good deeds, but when you look closer, you realize he actually cares. I believe it's the deed that makes a man.” 

KT was looking at him with wide eyes. She was shocked. This man was still surprising her. He was young, yet wise. He had high ideals and he was not corrupted by any means. He was holding on to what he believed in so tightly and yet, he didn't see the world in black and white. She was struggling to find the worlds and Matsuda spoke for the third time. His voice was much less confident this time, he almost whispered: 

“I am happy to work with someone who is true, open and pure as a lily.” 

KT looked at him through her lashes and felt like a scared animal. She literally felt her mask shattering, like a castle of glass. She was building the walls around herself for so long. Fooling everybody with her careless behaviour. And yet, here she was, looking into dark brown eyes of a man, whose IQ was so much below her own, and felt naked. He saw right through her. He knew she was not just the woman who was sleeping around, not the detective who would only care about her task, not just polite to people because she was brought up that way, but because she was polite deep inside her heart. 

KT was looking in his eyes, and felt carried away, back to the woods in Winchester, where she felt safe, protected and where she didn't have to play anything. She realized her heart was racing in her chest. Something shifted within her. 

_No, no, no… I can't let this happen!_

KT abruptly turned her head, unable to stare into Matsuda's eyes anymore. 

Then her eyes landed on something laying on the floor.

“What's that?” She asked and stood up. She picked up a piece of paper and unfolded it. She gasped when she realized what it was: a photo of L, B and the boys. 


	17. Ruins of childhood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,   
> sorry it took me so long. I have some major changes happening in my life so I am a bit distracted from writing. And I also tend to write every chapter longer and longer so it takes more time. :D I actually wrote this one with 8000 words but then decided to split it into two because… well… that would be too much. :D :D :D Anyway, at least you know another update will be coming soon. So enjoy this one and...
> 
> Another story is up:   
> Last week I posted a one-shot on LxBB pairing. So if someone is interested in this pairing, just go and check it out on my profile. If you already did, you might wanna check again, because I added artwork of BB to the end of the story. ;)

“How could he escape?! What the hell were they doing there?!” L was raving. He had to excuse himself from the investigation room, because he was no longer able to keep his cold mask on. He ended up practically yelling in Watari's office: “She had the moment of surprise. She had agents as a backup and she let him escape?! What the hell is wrong K?! She never failed a mission before!”

Watari was observing him with a raised eyebrow. The boy was pacing back and forth the room, throwing his arms in the air and his arguments were totally irrational. 

“I bet it's Matsuda's fault. That man is unpredictably stupid.” L continued: “... I should have sent Light with her. He would make sure Beyond is behind bars!” 

“ **L!** ” Watari raised his voice and the detective finally stopped his outburst and stared at his guardian with wide eyes: “Don't you think you are overreacting? You have no idea what happened there yet. It is a little ahead to accuse K or Matsuda. And besides, if I remember it right, you instructed supporting agents not to intervene with the investigation. So if B ran through their fingers, it could be your fault as well as theirs.”

L was frowning and throwing daggers at Watari. He didn't like when he was talked to like a child. But Watari knew that look and he still remembered it well enough to know what it meant: 

“Don't look at me like that, young man.  _ You  _ are the one acting  _ stupid  _ right now.” 

L opened and closed his mouth. He was  _ so pissed _ . He didn't want to use his brain. He just wanted to scream from the top of his lungs or break something. His heart was racing in his chest, his adrenaline high. 

“L what's really going on?” the old man asked with a much softer voice, stood up and went to the boy. He placed a hand on his forehead. L might have a little higher temperature. He also seemed to calm down a little under his touch, so Watari slowly stroked his hair. 

“You are not feeling well lately and you have a very short temper. Perhaps we should run  _ some  _ tests?” Watari gave the word “some” special emphasis. But it didn't seem that L understood. Or he purposely ignored it. 

“I am fine…” he said weekly as his temper slowly started calming down. In a moment he turned from a fury into a kid with big, sad eyes.

“I'll go to the roof. To calm down a little.” L said and left. 

* * *

They were to share a room. The whole night. Alone.

Matsuda was freaking out. 

Not only that his head is aching like crazy, but his heart simply could not stop racing from the simple fact that KT would be sleeping in the bed, only a meter away from his own. 

_ God, I hope she sleeps only in her underwear…  _ One part of his brain told him and he felt heat coming up to his face:  _ Stop! Stop! You can't think about this! _

“I am sorry again, Matsuda-san. I know this is not common for Japanese standards but it was the only room they had left.” KT told him. 

Matsuda laughed and tried not to look nervous: “It is no problem KT-san! At least we have single beds! Well it wouldn't be a problem even if we had a double bed ofcourse, because I am a gentleman and I would never try to...”

“Okay! Okay! I get it!” KT cut him off nervously, not meeting his eyes. 

Matsuda frowned and watched her unpacking a few things from her backpack. 

Something was different. 

She was averting his eyes the whole afternoon. They stayed in the house for a few hours, collecting evidence and taking photos of the place, but KT was not talking to him anymore. Matsuda's mind went crazy about it:

_ Maybe I overstepped when I called her a lily. _

_ Maybe she is just angry that Birthday escaped. _

_ Or she might be distraught because of the house… if it was really their house… I should ask her about that… or shouldn't I? _

He told himself not to, but his mouth obviously had a mind of its own: “KT-san, today, before I went into the house, I spoke to some old man…” 

There was a moment of silence when KT stood up from her bed and went to look out of the hotel room window: “Yes?”

“He told me a little about the history of the house and…. About the family which was living there.”

KT did not turn to face him, looking out the window: “What did he tell you?”

“That the whole family died there because of an unsuccessful experiment… But I don't think he is right about that.”

Matsuda watched her back stiffen a little. 

“What makes you think so?” she asked. 

He made a few steps closer so he could see her face from the profile at least: “Because the description of the kids, twin boy and girl, sounded like someone I know.”

KT finally turned to face him, her eyes were sad: “Yes, you are right. I have no reason to deny it. The ruin today is what's left of our family house.” 

Matsuda let out a sigh: “I am really sorry about what happened to your family, KT-san.” 

KT shook her head and broke the eye contact again: “It's okay. It was a long time ago.”

“I don't want to bring back bad memories but if you wish to talk about it… or something else, anything, I am here. Not only as a colleague but also as a…. friend.” He told her with a soft voice.

KT sat down on her bed: “Thank you Matsuda-san. That's really nice of you. But there is not much to talk about really. Me and L… we were six when the house blew up and … I don't really remember much from the time before the orphanage so.... Nothing to talk about.”

Matsuda knew the conversation should have ended there but his mouth moved on its own again: “On one hand, that's a good thing, at least you don't remember the explosion and….”

“I remember the explosion.” She cut him off: “That's the only thing I remember actually. It haunted me every night when I was a child…”

Matsuda's eyes widened in horror:  _ Shouldn't have said that, idiot! Damn!  _

“I am so sorry KT-san, you don't have to talk about it if it hurts you.” Matsuda said and scolded himself internally again. 

KT gave him a brief look and then eyed the floor: “It's okay… I guess I need to tell someone, after all.” 

Matsuda felt relief and took his courage to sit on the bed next to KT: “I am listening, you can tell me anything.”

There was a moment of silence. KT was still focused on the floor, but she was frowning: “L was not there when it happened. He was on an intelligence test because he had a chance to get to some elite school, at least that's what I was told then. I was home with my parents, father was working in his lab as always and mother was helping him that day. I don't remember what they were working on, but I know they were making tests on animals. We had plenty of them at home. That day, they were extremely busy and my mother sent me to play in the garden house. I was there for quite a long time before I heard a blow. I ran out of the garden house and then the house exploded. The shock wave threw me against the wall of the garden house and I lost consciousness. I woke up hours later in a car with L crying next to me. The man who was with us told us that our parents died and we can not come back. He took us to the orphanage on the other side of the planet.”

Matsuda gasped in shock: “God, that's terrible. I am so sorry. But who was he? Why didn't he place you to someone from your family or to the foster system in Japan?”

KT shrugged: “I didn't understand that either back then but when we grew older, he explained that the explosion was not an accident but an attack from someone who was against our parents research. So keeping us away from Japan was much safer.”

Matsuda was thinking about it: “I see… he made it look like you died to keep you safe.”

KT nodded: “And by the way… that man… was Watari.”

Matsuda straightened his back and his eyes grew wide with shock: “Watari?! Really?! So he is not just the butler?!”

KT finally smiled a little and looked at Matsuda: “No, he is actually an inventor and owner of the orphanage we grew up at. And he's like a father to L and me. He is the greatest person I know.”

“I see… I always thought he is a good man but now I see he is much more than that.” He made a mental note to bow to him even deeper next time. 

KT nodded: “Please Matsuda-san, keep this information to yourself, okay?”

He smiled and nodded: “Don't worry KT-san. I won't tell anyone. And thank you, for trusting me with this.”

KT looked him in the eyes again: “Thank you for being here for me.”

None of them realized how close they were sitting next to each other until now, when they were staring each other in the eyes, their shoulders touching and their faces only centimeters away. Matsuda was blushing like crazy and he managed to whisper: “Always.” While they both started leaning in. Their lips were only centimeters away when...

_ Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz _

KT jerked back and started searching for her buzzing phone. 

Matsuda stood up and nervously scratched the back of his head:  _ Did we...? Did we almost kiss? Was she leaning in or was it just me? _

“It's Misa Amane. I will go out and take it.” KT told him and nervously bursted out of the room. 

Matsuda watched as the door closed behind her and he fell on the bed with all his body weight. 

_ Damn! _

* * *

  
  


L stayed on the roof for almost all afternoon. He was watching the city, the sun, sat on the ledge, then on the cold roof, then paced back and forth. He had thousand thoughts and memories going through his head and he didn't feel like he could be in the presence of anyone at the time. He needed his time, his space. 

He knew he acted stupid, he knew he was slowly loosing it. But he felt  _ so tired _ lately and his stomach wasn't helping much. 

_ Maybe I should really change my diet...the doctor told me years ago I can _ ' _ t go like this forever.  _

He let out a sigh and took a look at the setting sun:  _ God, why is this happening now? _

But he knew the answer. The stress was too much to handle even for him. The Kira case, Light raping him, Beyond, Near, Mello, Light's courtesy, the task force, KT, Misa, Light's warm embrace… he could go on like this for a long time. All he wanted was to go to bed, fall asleep and forget it all. At least for a moment. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a message from Watari. It was time to take Mello on his first aikido lesson. They found the best teacher with clear records, they arranged a training space in the basements of the tower and the man was willing to go through all the security measures. 

L let out a sigh again. 

He needed to rest  _ so badly _ . 

But no, the children have to go first. He neglected them for a long time already. 

_ Guess I'll rest when I am dead.  _ He thought and went back to the building. 

* * *

Light was thinking about L's morning conversation with KT pretty hard. They said more than they probably normally would in front of him. Now, he knew they were actually from Osaka and they had some ruin of a house there. If it had something to do with the reason they become orphans, it would not be that hard to find out their true identities. He knew enough facts to find them easily but…. He hesitated. Light always wanted L to tell him his true name by himself. It would be the greatest testament of trust he could ever get from him. But on the other hand, he was also afraid it might never happen. That's why, he was currently holding his hands in the air above the keyboard and could not make a decision. He was actually afraid to know L's real name. Because once he knew, it would be too easy to kill him. 

_ No… I can't do that. _ Light thought and turned away from his computer. 

He was very aware he lost his control once before. If he would get mad at L again and he knew his name, he could do something that can't be undone. And he couldn't stand the thought of losing L forever. Light growled and hid his head to his hands:  _ When did I start being afraid of myself? _

“Are you feeling well?” a child's voice suddenly asked. 

Light looked up, surprised to see a little white haired boy.  _ Near _ . He reminded himself and he straightened his back: “Yes, I am alright. Just thinking.” 

“What about, if I may ask?”

“Your father.” Light told him without hesitation. 

Near raised an eyebrow and came closer: “Why are you thinking about him?”

“Well, he's a riddle. I can't figure him out. And I love solving riddles.” 

Near nodded and climbed to L's chair: “I love riddles too…. But I think...” There was a moment of silence when Near started building a tower from sugar cubes: “I think my father is not so complicated. I already figured him out.”

Light had to suppress the smile. The boy was adorable. So much of his behaviour was actually L's. Not to mention his facial features. 

“Well, that's understandable. You know him for all of your life. I only met him a few months ago.”

Near didnt look at him, his eyes still focused on his sugar tower: “I am sure you will understand him sooner or later. He said you are smart.”

Light smirked and bit his lower lip: “He said that?”

Near nodded: “Yes. He speaks very highly of you. He even told me you would be his successor if something happens to him. But don't tell Mello. He still thinks he's first in line and he might want to hurt you if he realizes you beat him.”

Light opened and closed his mouth. He always thought L was just joking with the successor thing but when even little Near knew about it, it was a pretty serious thing.

“I have no intention to become a successor.” Light told the boy. 

Near finally shifted his gaze to Light. Light felt like the child was scanning him to the bonnes. That sight was very well known to him. But Near's was maybe even more unsettling then L's. 

_ He's trying to figure if I am telling the truth or not… _ Light thought.

“I have no intention to become a successor…” Light repeated, “...because I intend to keep your father alive at all costs.” 

Near tilted his head again and nodded: “I believe this is true.” 

Light smiled at him: “Anyway, why did you come to the investigation room, Near? I don't remember seeing you here before.”

Near was again focused on the sugar tower: “I was searching for Watari. He is not in his office. I wanted to play chess.”

Light raised an eyebrow: “I haven't seen him since the morning. But I can play chess with you, if you wish.  _ Or… _ I can teach you how to play Shogi.”

Near shifted his head to Light again: “Really?” He asked enthusiastically and for the first time he actually sounded like a child. 

Light nodded: “Yes. If you already know how to play chess it should be easy for you.”

Near climbed down from L's chair and came to Light: “Can we play now?”

Light smiled and stood up: “Sure, I have the board in my room. Let's go.”

Near nodded and held out his hand towards Light. 

_ He wants me to take his hand?! _

Light was shocked and he hesitated. But the boy's eyes seemed honest and warm in that moment. When he took his little hand and led him out of the room, he felt strangely calm.

* * *

KT did not answer the phone. She just ran. She ran through the hotel corridor, to the stairs and straight down four floors. The buzzing of the phone died somewhere in between. When she finally got out of the hotel, she was breathless, but the cold night air refreshed her enough to go on. She started running again. She wanted to escape feelings that were spreading through her chest. The warmness and the longing that were covered under wraps of anxiety. 

She was already far away from the hotel but the feelings were still hanging inside her. So she finally stopped, leaned her hands against her knees and panted heavily. 

_ Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. FUUUUCK!  _

Her mind was screaming. She wanted to scream literally but that wasn't a good idea in the middle of japanese city, when it was slowly getting dark. 

_ Why is he affecting me so much? Why do I feel the pull towards him?! _

She was asking herself these, and similar questions, while searching for cigarettes in her undercoat. She lit up one cig, with shaking hands and felt tears building behind her eyes. She let out the smoke and stared at the night sky. There was not much to see because of the pollution, but having her head high was enough to suppress tears. 

The truth is: she was afraid. 

The last wound from love experience was still alive and deep enough to keep her from wanting a relationship. Although she was longing for love and affection deep inside, she didn't not allow herself to fall for over 3 years. 

There was no one, after A. 

Not even the casual sex she was talking about so loudly. It was all just a defence mechanism. She was too afraid to fall. And here she was, with all the warm feelings towards this ordinary japanese man, who could never win any comparison against A. 

_ Christ, he is not even my type!  _

That was true. But A was not either. He was a little smaller than herself, had brown hair, often hidden under the cap and he wore glasses. But he had beautiful eyes. Green with little sparks of blue. She fell for A like crazy even when she was more into tall, broad blondes. 

Touta Matsuda was neither of them. He was ordinary. Just like any young japanese man you could meet in the street and mistake him for someone else. There was no physical reason to feel attraction towards him.

_ But he has a cute smile. _ KT's mind offered. She wanted to smirk at that, but she frowned instead.  _ No, don't encourage these thoughts. No!  _

She let out a long sigh and started slowly walking towards the hotel. 

_ So what's so special about him? He is kind, naive and wears his heart on the sleeve. That's not something I could fall for, right?!  _ She asked herself nervously. Her mind offered her answer she didn't want to hear:  _ He could actually treat you right, not like garbage like someone… _

KT stopped and scolded herself. She didn't want to think about it. She was not ready to think about it. She needed to know the truth, before she could finally close the door behind  _ him _ . 

_ Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz _

Her phone buzzed again in her pocket and she looked at the display. It was Misa Amane again. KT let out a sigh and answered the phone: 

“Hello Misa-san, how are you?”

_ “Hi KT-san! I am great! You?” _

KT was slowly walking through the streets as they were talking: “Good. Thank you. What can I do for you?” 

_ “Well, I am still thinking about our lunch a few days ago. I had sooo much fun talking to you! I thought you and I could go to coffee, to talk a little more and get to know each other. You must feel soooo alone being all the time with Ryuzaki and the rest of the task force. They can be sooooo boring.” _

KT raised an eyebrow and smirked. Expressive abilities of this woman was something unheard of: “Sure, I would love that. I could certainly use  _ a friend _ to talk to.”

_ Not that I can tell you anything… _

_ “Awesome!!! So tomorrow?” _ Misa squeaked.

“Well maybe the day after that. I am out of Tokyo now, due to some investigatory things, and not sure when I'll be back tomorrow.”

_ “Oh, okay. No problem. Do you have someone with you? I hope Ryuzaki didn't send you out alone. Japan can be dangerous for a lone woman.” _

KT rolled her eyes: “No, don't worry. Matsuda-san is with me.”

Misa let out so loud and high squeak that KT almost jumped with shock. 

_ “Matsu is with you? Can I talk to him?”  _ she asked after a moment with a normal voice.

“No, sorry, he is already in our hotel room. I am currently on my way there.”

_ “You two are sharing a room?”  _ Misa's voice was full of enthusiasm. 

KT's chest started aching again at that thought: “Yes. Hotel was full, unfortunately.”

Misa chucked:  _ “I think it's good. Matsu is a greeeeeeaaaat companion! Make sure to spend as much time with him as you can!” _

KT rolled her eyes: “Yeah… not that I have a choice tonight.”

_ “Allright, I won't be bothering you anymore. You just go and hurry up to your room. And enjoy yourself!”  _

With that Misa hung up.

KT was staring at her phone for a moment with a frown:  _ She will try to push us together. Great. That's just great.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Light manages to break through Beyond's killing pattern as well as through L's defense.


	18. Breaking inside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you an early update... so here you go and enjoy! :)

“It was a waste of time!” Mello yelled in his empty room and started scattering the things everywhere. He just came back from his first aikido lesson. It was a huge disappointment. Not the sport itself, that wasn't bad. BUT the teacher wasn't his daddy. He was sure the teacher would be his daddy in disguise, because he told him to take the lessons so they could see each other. 

But no. 

That man was not his daddy but just some common japanese aikido teacher.

 _What the hell happened?_ He asked himself. And threw his small body on the bed. 

_Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe it was a code and I misread it._

He tried to calm himself down and closed his eyes. He remembered every world from their brief encounter. He was replaying the scene in front of his eyes every day:

\--FLASHBACK--

_Mello was just looking for Matt, who ran away with his new game pad after lunch, when he spotted a strange man standing at the garden gate of the orphanage. Mello took a few steps closer, he thought it was a homeless person. He wanted to tell him to fuck off, but the closer he got, the more familiar the person seemed to him. And then the man in the hood spoke, with a voice he remembered from his dreams:_

_“Hi Melly-bean, it's been a while.”_

_Mello was silently examining him, saying nothing. He couldn't believe his eyes… was he really?_

_“You don't remember me? It's me… your daddy....”_

_Mello gasped: “Daddy? But you… you didn't die?”_

_“No Mihael, baby listen to me carefully. Your dad is in danger, we have to help him. I will follow him to Japan and I will try to kill Kira before he gets to your dad, but I need your help. Can you come closer to me? I'll explain everything.”_

_Beyond reached out his hand to the boy. Mello only took a step back, still shocked._

_“Don't worry Melly-bean, it's really me. I would never hurt you. Baby listen to me, dad will soon take you to Japan. When you are there, ask him for aikido lessons.”_

_Mello frowned: “But why?”_

_Then they heard someone calling his name and turned around to see Matt coming. Mello turned back to Beyond, not sure what to do._

_“Just do it Mell! And be careful with L!” his daddy shouted and ran away._

\--END OF FLASHBACK--

No… aikido lessons were not a code. He meant it literally. There were two options: First, something happened and daddy could not take his plan to the action. And the second, the lessons were part of something bigger and he needed to wait a little longer.

Mello hated waiting. It made his blood boil. 

His only hope now was understanding what's going on from the Kira case files. But Matt was still failing to break into his father's code. 

_Damn, what can be so hard about it?_ He asked himself and took out his laptop. _Maybe I could try myself._

In that moment, the door burst open and Mello jerked in shock.

“Is Near in the bathroom?” his dad yelled and hurried to check. 

“No.” Mello said, confused.

L was freaking out. His younger son was nowhere to be seen on the cameras. Not in their room, not in his playroom, nowhere in the complex where he could see him. Near was in his playroom before L accompanied Mello to his first aikido lesson, but he wasn't there when he came back. And Watari was out of the building on an urgent matter until a few minutes ago. L's mind started running miles a second again. He saw at least 100 possibilities of what could happen and most of them included Beyond kidnapping the boy. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. It was Watari.

“Have you found him?” L asked nervously.

_“Yes. He left the HQs an hour ago with Yagami-kun. They headed to his room. I am already on the way.”_

L hid his phone back in the pocket and ran out of the room. Mello quickly jumped off the bed and followed him.

“Dad what's going on?” the blonde yelled as they ran through the corridor and then down the emergency stairs two levels. 

L finally stopped in front of one door and Watari was coming there from another direction, with a gun in his hands. 

Mello was staring at them, scared, didn't understand what was going on. 

The men nodded at each other and broke into the room. But both of them stopped in their tracks as soon as they saw the scene in front of them.

Near was sitting crossed legged at the bed, staring at the game board and Light sat across him in the same manner. Both of them turned their heads to the door in shock. 

Near tilted his head, analyzing the scene. His father and Watari looked worried, and there was also Mello, looking through the door frame. He quickly realized that he didn't tell anyone where he was going and they were probably worried. If they were this worried, it also meant that Yagami-kun didn't have cameras in his room. But it didn't explain why would Watari come to look for him with the gun. 

_Are they worried Yagami-kun might hurt me?_

All those thoughts came across Near's mind within 2 seconds and he turned to analyze Yagami's face. His features showed shock, but only for a brief moment. Then, he looked angry, and then he composed himself and smiled: “Hello Ryuzaki, Watari and Mello.”

Watari hid his weapon and L made his way to the bed, standing behind Near and running his hand through the white curly hair: “Are you alright?”

Near nodded: “Ofcourse I am. Yagami-kun is teaching me how to play Shogi.” 

L smirked and looked at Light: “Is he?”

Light smiled back: “I am sorry Ryuzaki, I didn't realize you might be worried. I should have texted you.” 

L nodded, apparently much calmer than before: “So who is winning?” 

Light smiled: “Your son, ofcourse.”

“But the game is challenging. Detective Yagami is a very good opponent.” Near said calmly.

L chucked: “Okay, time to go Near.” 

“Why can he spend time with the task force and I can't?” Mello asked from the door where he was standing.

Light lifted an eyebrow: “I can play with you too, if you wish.”

Mello rolled his eyes: “I don't care about some stupid game.”

L tilted his head: “Good, then you don't need to spend your time with the task force.” 

Mello started arguing that he wants to help with the investigation and do something useful, but L was not listening to him this time. He had his mind full of Light, spending time with Near. He simply nodded to Watari to take the boys to their room. 

Near slowly climbed off the bed and bowed to Light: “Thank you for the game, Detective Yagami.”

Light laughed at that: “I am not really a detective, Near. You can just call me Light if you want to.” Then he looked at Mello: “Same goes for you, Mello.”

Mello did not say a thing and Near smiled shyly: “Good night then, Light.” 

Watari took the boys away, but left the door open to keep Light under the impression that he could hear him and come back anytime. 

As L and Light alone, the detective blurted: “Even I can't call you _just_ Light.” Then he realized how jealous it sounded and scolded himself internally. 

Light's features lightened up with a smile. He stood up from the bed and came closer: “You can call me _just_ Light if you want to.”

L shook his head as he wanted to save the situation. But he was aware that he was losing control more and more each day: “That would probably raise too many questions.” 

Light was still slowly approaching him: “And what? Let them ask. I have no problem telling the task force.”

L bought his thumb to his lips and tilted his head: “Telling them what? That we had an affair?”

Light smiled: “That _I love you_. And I am waiting for you, to be ready to love me back.”

L's eyes widened and his hand fell down from his lips: 

_Did he just tell me..?_

_Did he really...?!_

His heart was racing in his chest. He couldn't believe it.

_Light loves me!_

_He really loves me!_

L found his last pieces of self control, brought his hands back to his pockets and eyed the carpet: “Light you can't tell them that, that would be highly unprofessional.”

Light's eyebrow shooted up: 

_He is not arguing?_

_He believes me?!_

_Gods it's working!_

_I am winning him back!_

Light stepped even closer: “And you want us to be professional in front of them, right?”

“Yes...” L said silently.

“And when we are alone?” 

L opened his mouth to say something but no words came out. He was only staring down to his feet. That was enough confirmation for Light, he placed his fingers under L's chin and slowly lifted it up, so he could see his eyes. And those big grey eyes were wide opened, scared but full of anticipation at the same time. Light slowly caressed L's cheek with his thumb and started leaning in. He wanted to give L enough time to back up. 

But that did not happen. 

The detective closed his eyes even before their lips touched. It was just a brief caress of lips but it sent shivers through all of L's body. Light pulled back a little. He wanted to be sure he didn't cross the line, but when L's eyes stayed close, he brought his hand behind detectives neck and pressed their lips together again. This time he started moving his lips slowly against L's and waited for his lover to respond. 

And L did. 

He parted his lips and started moving with him, deepening the kiss. 

Light finally relaxed and his eyes closed too. He tangled his fingers with L's hair behind his neck and the other hand went to the detective's waist, pulling him slowly closer. 

When they were pressed together again, after almost a month L felt like he could faint. He wanted this for _so long_. He wanted Light to kiss him, touch him, hold him every night. Whisper the sweet nothings to his ear. He wanted to be home in his arms. 

But he knew he couldn't. Not yet. 

The moment when Light pushed more and slid his tongue into L's mouth, L's brain started working again and he drew back from the kiss. But he stayed in his lover's arms. 

Light opened his eyes with fear of what's gonna come. 

L was staring at him with wide eyes, breathless, but he did not push him away.

“Too soon?” Light asked hesitantly. 

L nodded. That was all he could do. He just gave Light more than he should have and he could only hope that Light will still continue in his efforts towards him. 

Light slowly brought his head down and rested his forehead against L's, their noses almost touching: “I dont wanna push you into anything. I just miss you so much.” Light told him and he meant it. 

L wanted to scream: _I miss you too, I want you, I love you!_

But he needed to hold back: “I should go.” 

Light pulled away and looked disappointed: “If you wish to…” 

L suddenly felt pain in his chest and he wanted to hug Light tightly and never let go of him. Instead he turned to leave. 

Light was watching L's back with sad eyes, but L suddenly stopped at the door and turned to him again: “Light, thank you for the dinner yesterday. And also for Near.”

Light smiled softly: “Anytime.” 

L left the room and closed his door behind him. 

When Light was alone, he was not sure if he should be happy, about the kiss and L trusting him, at least a little, or sad that L did not say _the words_ back to him. But in the end, L never worded his feelings. Not a bit, so maybe Light would want too much too soon, if he wanted to hear: _I love you_ , back. 

Light stopped at that, and it finally smacked him like a Shinkanzen in full speed: 

_Did I really tell him I love him?!_

_Oh God… I did!_

* * *

The morning after was strangely calm in the headquarters. No squeaking Misa, no stupid Matsuda and no defending sister. The task force was silently working on their tasks and Light occasionally slid his chair next to L's to discuss some _important_ matter. But he mostly did it just to touch the detective or smell his unique scent. L smelled like autumn, fresh apple juice and cinnamon. Light found that amusing, because those were things he loved. He even considered the possibility that he is simply projecting these things into L's smell. But everytime he leaned closer to the detective and the scent invaded his lungs, he knew it was real. 

_Real and damn addictive!_

L did not object against Light's closeness, which was a good sign. So Light was stealing small touches good half a day and couldn't help but grin like an idiot. He even caught L smiling at him 2 or 3 times. 

_So… romantic dinner, game with your son and love confession. That's what you need to melt._

_KT was right after all, you do have a romantic soul._

Light smirked at the thought. He was standing by the coffee machine and he glared at L's back in amusement. Then his eyes slid across the room, to check on the rest of the task force but stopped at the big noticeboard behind KT's desk.

_Wait a second…_

He frowned and made a few steps closer, examining the photos again. KT was pretty much systematic. She had a photo of every of Birthday's “murders” pinned at the board in the exact order. Precisely as they went in time. There were 26 photos already. That meant 26 people found death and arranged by Beyond Birthday into a curled ball or a straight line. Light was glaring at the photos with wide eyes and couldn't believe what he saw:

_A dot._

_A dash._

He gasped and hurried to find a piece of paper. He took it from his desk and went back to KT's board. He quickly started writing down the code. 

Light's movements drew the attention of the rest of the team. 

L stood up and came closer: “What's going on Light?”

Light didn't say a thing and stared at the dots and dashes on the paper. It was saying: “...--......-.-.--.........”.

Light frowned, let out a sigh and turned to L: “Nothing, sorry. For a moment I thought I saw a morse code in the way the bodies are assembled but I was wrong. It doesn't make any sense.”

L took the paper with dots and dashes from Light and compared it with the photos on KT's board. 

“I see…” he let out and turned to Light: “It's a good idea but it doesn't make any sense without space marks. Like this we cant recognize where the latter starts and where it ends.” L said and dismissed the idea. It was a little too primitive for Beyond anyway. 

“I believe we have space marks.” Chief Yagami said and everyone turned his attention to him. 

“I beg a pardon?” L said and tilted his head. 

Chief Yagami sat down at his computer and started searching for something. 

“There are another series of strange murders going on, but outside of Tokyo. The offender hangs up his victims by hands and undresses them. I wasn't considering this earlier because it doesn't fit Birthday's blood thirst but if I am right…” there was a moment of silence, when the chief was frowning into his computer.

“If you are right, the dates of these murders will fit somewhere between BB's murders and will create the space marks we are looking for.” L said and turned to his computer: 

“Watari?”

 _“Yes, Ryuzaki?”_ the voice came from the intercom.

“I need you to download complete police records about these murders. I want to know what was the cause of the death of these people.” 

_“Of course Ryuzaki.”_

L shifted his attention back to chief Yagami, who was writing something down on the paper: “I have the dates of murders from the newspaper. But they did not publish any photos.”

They all moved back to KT's board.

“It doesn't matter. If we know that all the bodies were in a vertical position it creates perfect space marks.” Light said and grabbed green sticky notes from KT's desk. Chief dictated him the dates and Light wrote them down. One date on each green piece of paper. Then he quickly searched the dates of murders on the board and placed the green papers between photos in the right order. 

L grabbed the paper with morse code Light wrote down minutes ago, and drew dividing lines between dots and dashes. 

The message was saying: ...--|.....|.-.-.-|-....|.....|

L frowned and brought his thumb to his lower lip.

“What does it say Ryuzaki?” Chief Yagami asked. They were all full of expectations. 

L slowly turned the paper to them and watched their reactions. Mogi and Aizawa seemed lost and Chief Yagami frowned: “I do remember the morse code alphabet quite well but it doesn't seem like any of the letters I know… so we were wrong after all.”

“No we weren't.” Light told him as he was examining the paper: “These are not letters. These are numbers.”

L nodded: “Yes. But we can't make much of them yet.”

“What do you mean? What does it say?” Aizawa asked.

“35.65” Light told him.

“35.65?” Aizawa repeated and raised an eyebrow: “What does it mean?”

“Could it be a telephone number? Or address?” Mogi theoretize. 

L took the paper with morse code and went to sit down back to his chair. Everyone was looking at him curiously. He was examining the code for a moment, biting on his thumb before saying:

“I think these are going to be coordinates.”

Light nodded: “That makes sense. Especially with that dot between 35 and 65. But it's not enough to know where he is pointing to.” 

“No it's not.” L said with a frown.

Aizawa was full of disappointment at the moment: “So now what? We will wait until he kills more people so we can read the message?”

L turned to his computer so he didn't have to face him, because he really needed to roll his eyes: “B is not really killing anybody, remember? He's collecting bodies.”

“That's not exactly extenuating circumstances.” Aizawa said.

L rolled his eyes again and had to hold on his chair so he doesnt bark at him what he really thinks: _Hell I know, its not that I_ ' _m playing the devil_ _'_ _s lawyer I am just fucking pointing the facts!_

L composed himself within a second: “We will wait until tomorrow, when KT and Matsuda come back from the mission. Maybe they managed to find some clue to speed it up. But otherwise...” 

“We have to wait until Birthday finishes the message.” Light finished the sentence where L left off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might notice in chapter 7, I described Light's scent as “strawberries and whipped cream” and now L's as “autumn and fresh apple juice”. Many authors write this opposite, because strawberries are typical for L and apples for Light. But I like the idea that they actually smell what they like, on the other. And that makes the other even more attractive. ;)


	19. Observations

L started seeing red as rage was taking over him. His head was aching, his belly was cramping, he felt dizzy and above all he was listening to excuses from Matsuda and KT, who  _ obviously  _ let BB escape and …. found in fact…  _ nothing _ . 

When Light cracked the code, L hoped KT might come up with something to track BB down. 

_ But no…. _

The things the two of them found were only barrels with artificial blood, a mattress, some junk food and not a hint about where B could be moving next or where he could be leading them. So they were back at the beginning, left with only waiting as an option. 

_ Light made bigger progress with the case while sitting on his ass in the office.  _ L thought.

The rest of the task force seemed pretty satisfied with the progress though. They found BB's hideout, so they were  _ apparently  _ only a few steps behind him and  _ now  _ they understood his  _ fucking  _ code. 

_ Of course they are satisfied.... Because they don't know BB... He won't make the same mistake again! We have literally no chance to find him before he finishes his message. And that could take weeks! _

L growled internally. 

“Don't tell me, there really wasn't a thing? A book? A magazine? A train prospect? Some personal things?” L asked them again. 

KT's face was calm, as carved into the stone, unreadable. But Matsuda gave her a nervous questioning look. She didn't look at him which was obviously a message clear enough for him not to say a thing.

_ What the fuck…  _ L thought as he saw this non verbal communication. 

“What are you not telling me?” he asked as calmly as he could. 

KT rolled her eyes and let go of her mask: 

“Fine… I didn't want to give you this here, because it's rather personal but… here you go.”

She took out a piece of folded paper from her pocket and handed it to L.

He frowned and took it from her. He realized it was a photo, before he even unfolded it. But when he did, he felt like his world started spinning. It was one of their family photos. B was kissing his cheek while holding little Mello who was waving to the camera with a wide smile. L himself held Near. The boy was only three months old in the picture. 

L remembered that occasion. It was his birthday. And it was KT who took the picture. 

L frowned and folded the picture again before someone could see it. 

“What is it Ryuzaki?” Light asked him.

“A photo… apparently.” L said, irritated.

“Can we see?” Light asked. 

“It's a personal one. It's not gonna help us with anything.”

“Ryuzaki, it was found in the hideout of a murderer. It should be with the rest of the evidence.” Yagami-san told him.

L rolled his eyes: “Fine. Take it.”

He handed the photo to Light and went to sit down by his computer, ignoring the reactions of the task force, who were examining the photo. But he couldn't help but react to what Matsuda said:

“I think it's actually very romantic of him to keep a photo like that. It shows us a lot about his motivations.”

L turned in his seat and his eyes were throwing daggers: “And what motivations actually were you able to read from B keeping a photo like this?”

Matsuda smiled, his eyes almost dreamy: “It is not just the photo… but also the fact that he is using artificial blood and not really killing anybody.” 

“And?”

Matsuda scratched the back of his head. Suddenly unsure, if he should say it or not. 

L stood up and made a few steps closer: “I am waiting.”

Matsuda shrugged and eyed the floor: “I think he simply wants you back, Ryuzaki. And those murders are his way to say he has changed.”

The task force bursted laughing. Everyone except L, Light and KT. 

L wanted to kill the man, Light as well. But KT bit her lower lip nervously. 

“Excellent expertise, detective. I congratulate you.” L started, heavily controlling his rage: “Again you proved that your deductive skills are so high above us all that we fail to understand your logic.” 

Matsuda heard the irony and literally felt like he was getting smaller and smaller. 

KT rolled her eyes at L's behaviour: “Actually I think he has a point there.” 

L turned to face her and tilted his head: “What?!”

KT folded her hands on her chest: “Just take the facts… B didn't really kill any of those people. He even spoke to Mello but didn't kidnap him. And yesterday he had a chance to kill Matsuda-san but he only stunned him. Whatever he is doing he is obviously trying to make it without getting his hands dirty. If he  _ hypothetically  _ ever wanted to talk to you, apologize, or  _ whatever...  _ he has no way how to do it without getting back to jail. But he surely knows you will be watching murder cases....”

Light felt a hint of jealousy but covered it with a chuckle: “So you two are saying that this is Beyond Birthday's way to say: I am sorry baby, take me back?” 

KT bit her lower lip: “Yeah… I know it sounds a little crazy but…”

L cut her off pointing his finger at her and Matsuda: “You two, will not be spending any more time together. Your IQ is dropping to the monkey level and I can't afford having two idiots around.” 

With that he headed to the exit: “I will be working from my room for the rest of the day. I am not feeling well. Someone please fill in these two about the progress Yagami-kun made.”

* * *

  
  


Things went weird. No matter how hard Matsuda was trying to get to KT, he couldn't. She was avoiding him. The rest of the night they spent in the hotel in Osaka she was watching cameras she installed into the ruined house. She simply put on headphones, worked and ignored him. The morning after was the same. She only spoke necessary phrases to him and whenever he wanted to start on _ the last night _ topic, she cut him off with some work staff. She clearly wanted to put  _ the almost kiss _ into  _ the never happened zone _ . He understood that. He knew he shouldn't hold any hopes with her. She was simply out of his league. 

_ But still… She stood up for me again today.... She is so great…  _ Matsuda was melting inside as he watched her working. He was standing by the coffee machine, sipping on his coffee, silently watching her beautiful profile. After a moment she stood up and left the room without a word. Matsuda let out a sigh and watched the door a whole minute after she left. In that moment Mogi came to him with a grin: “So… how did you do it?” 

Matsuda gave him a confused look: “What do you mean Mogi-san?”

Mogi started preparing his coffee and turned to Aizawa, who was also very aware of the change in the woman who just left the room. They discussed it over a cigarette already. At that moment they were the only in the room. L did not return back to HQs and Light was at late lunch with his father. And because KT just stormed out the room, it was time for some man talk. Aizawa joined them by the coffee machine: 

“Before you two left for Osaka she was pretty comfortable working with you. But now she is a nervous wreck around you. So… how did you manage?” Aizawa asked and folded his hands on his chest while exchanging a smirk with Mogi. 

“Well.... I might have… said some things... maybe?” Matsuda said, nervously while scratching the back of his head.

The two older men exchanged looks again. Mogi took a sip of his coffee: “What did you tell her?”

Matsuda shrugged: “Is it important?”

“Well it might be… because it could be a very useful instruction for other  _ muggles  _ like you to get a woman developing a crush on them.” Aizawa said and Mogi laughed: “It could actually be a bestseller.” 

Matsuda was looking between the two of them and didn't understand much of what they were saying: “Whaaaat are you talking about guys? KT-san is clearly pretty mad at me about all that happened so…”

“Oh yes, and that's why she is avoiding any eye contact with you…” Aizawa said with irony, because the woman was clearly developing a crush on the office idiot and  _ how  _ that happened was beyond his reason. 

“What do you mean by  _ all that happened _ ?” Mogi cut him off and made a step closer to the younger man.

There was a moment of silence, when Matsuda actually grinned into his coffee. 

Aizawa closed his eyes and said slowly: “If you say that you managed to get her to sleep with you, I am giving up on this job and becoming Ryuzaki's personal baker.” 

“What?! NO! Nothing like that! I would never! Even when we shared a room together!!!”

Aizawa and Mogi shared a look again: “Now we are finally getting somewhere…” Mogi said.

“So you two shared a room and…..???” Aizawa took over.

“Nothing! Nothing happened I swear! We just talked a little, she told me a bit about her childhood and we almost kissed and then Misa called her and ruined the moment and now she is avoiding me….”

They both stared at him with wide eyes, mouths opened. 

“ _ You _ actually managed to  _ talk her _ into the kiss?” Aizawa asked and Mogi shook his head: “No, he managed to  _ listen to her _ into the kiss. Old trick, but a good one. Who would say Matsuda knows how to do this.” Mogi said and patted the younger man's back.

Matsuda waved his hands in defense: “No guys, you got it all wrong! We didn't kiss! Nothing happened!”

Aizawa laughed and returned back to the computer: “No, but if Misa wouldn't call you would kiss. And that's… pretty much surprising.” 

Mogi did the same, his back to Aizawa, both again staring into their computers. Matsuda only watched them, completely oblivious.

“The surprising thing is, that he actually has a chance with her now.” Mogi said to Aizawa, like Matsuda wasn't even there. Aizawa only chuckled. 

“What are you guys talking about?” Matsuda asked, looking from one to the other. Mogi and Aizawa both turned on their chairs and shared another look. It was like internal debate if they should tell him, or not. They decided, they will: 

“Allright listen to me…” Aizawa started and turned to face the younger man: “...you might actually have a chance to get her now. She is not avoiding you because she is mad at you… well she probably is, but it's because she likes you.” 

Matsuda was looking at him, like he was an alien from Mars. But Mogi nodded, giving confirmations. 

“Hooow… how do you guys know that?” Matsuda stared at them, still not believing what he just heard. 

Mogi smiled: “It's kinda simple. She is nervous around you, avoiding eye contact, she doesn't want to be near you because she is worried she might be developing feelings for you.” 

Matsuda opened and closed his mouth: “And you observed all this after being around her just a few hours today? That's unbelievable!”

Aizawa waved his hand in the air, dismissing younger man's enthusiasm: 

“Nooo…. It's not just that. We have months of practise watching Ryuzaki trying to resist Light.” 

Matsuda's eyes went wide and his mouth almost hit the ground: “WHAAAAAAAT?!!!!”

* * *

_ The actual problem is… they might be fucking right. _

That's what was going through L's head all day. He hid in his room and laid in his bed the whole afternoon. He didn't have energy for anything else. So he was just thinking. 

Seeing the family photo made him anxious. Back at home, there were still photos like that hanging on the walls and BB was smiling with his broad smile at every corner. That was actually one of the reasons L didn't come back home so much after B left. He just couldn't stand looking at his ex-lover. But he also couldn't bring himself to take off the photos, because he knew how important those were for Mello and even for Near, who practically didn't know his father. So the photos stayed and L stayed out of the house. Everything about that was wrong and he  _ fucking  _ knew that. 

L didn't know what he was expecting really… that B was just trying to make another irresolvable case for him? 

_ No… not this time. _

B was obviously making things easy on purpose. First the style of the murders, then morse code. He was actually communicating with him from the beginning. 

_ So now what? He will give me coordinates and expect me to show up for a talk or what? _

L shifted on the bed and covered his head with a pillow.

_ Thats fucking crazy… he cant just mean all this as an apology… that's simply impossible.  _

L took the pillow from his head and hugged it tightly. Memories of LA were coming back to him:

_ B hated me… he hated me so much… he wanted me to apologize… So why would he do this? Why now?  _

L squeezed the pillow and curled into a fetal position. The truth was: he really wanted a chance to talk to B… at least one last time. He wanted to know where the things went so wrong… what he did so bad that B started hating him. He needed those answers. Because the questions were eating him alive for years…

L felt nausea building in his stomach and coming through him. He stood up fast and ran to the bathroom. He made it just in time not to throw up on the floor. 

As he was staring into the toilet bowl, his only thought was:

_ No… not eating cheesecake anytime soon.  _

* * *

KT spent the whole afternoon catching up with Yagami-kun's discovery and tried to make a few more theories out of it. Not that she was very successful. Her mind was more occupied elsewhere. She was aware that she was acting  _ stupid  _ around Touta Matsuda. She knew she should just tell him to back off, crash his hopes and act like her  _ normal  _ laud herself but somehow… she couldn't bring herself to do it. So she just ignored him, hoping he will not be bright enough to realize the real reason… Not that she was ready to admit the real reason to herself. 

The worst thing was the mentioned man himself. He was following her with lovesick eyes the whole day, trying to figure out how he should talk to her. KT was pretty nervous of it, because if he would really try to talk to her again, she would have to make a decision. And it would be nearly impossible while staring into those trustworthy chocolate eyes…

_ Oh my god shut up! _ She told herself, while she was pacing the corridor leading to L's room. She had to leave HQ a few minutes ago. Because Matsuda's staring was impossible to stand anymore. And she had a program for the night anyway. 

She came to her brother's door and knocked. 

When no answer came she knocked again. 

Still nothing.

“Elie?” She asked and slowly opened the door. The room was empty, but the bed was obviously in use just a few moments ago. She stepped inside and after a moment she heard the sound of puking from the bathroom. 

KT hurried to the bathroom and knocked on the door: “Hey bro, are you okay?”

There was a moment of silence, then flush of toilet and then the door opened.

L was green. Not white but literally green. 

“Jesus Christ! Are you okay?” She asked and supported him as he started falling forward a little.

“I am fine...” he said with a weak voice leaning against her.

“Come, let's get you to bed.” She said and helped him to move. When he was laying down, KT wrapped the blanket around him, just like when he was little. 

“I'm okay, just stress.” L told her, because he saw the worries in her eyes. 

KT sat down next to L and pressed her palm against his forehead to check if he had a fewer: “Can I help you somehow?”

L shook his head: “No… there is nothing to worry about. It was the same after the LA case. It's gonna calm down by itself. I just need to sleep a little more and eat something else then sugar.”

KT chucked: “That must be painful.”

L nodded and shifted on the bed, to make her a little space. KT smiled at the silent invitation and laid down next to him. They were both lying on the side, looking at each other. KT couldn't help but remember the last time they were doing this. They were 12. It was the last night they shared a room at Wammy's. Then they separated them because of their gender and also because L was working late at night and KT couldn't sleep. Back then they were talking to each about cases, mysteries, nice guys and even about their original family. But that was years ago...

“So what really happened in Osaka?” L asked her. 

KT shrugged: “Nothing… I screwed up… I heard shooting and I panicked. I thought B shot Matsuda. But thinking about it back it was pretty naive. It wouldn't fit B's style. I overreacted and let him flee.”

L closed his eyes and let out a sigh: “That's my fault. I instructed the supervising agents not to intervene. And I sent you with the office idiot who makes everyone feel like they have to protect him.” 

KT shook her head and gave him a scolding look: “He is not that bad and you know it.” 

L took a pillow and hid his head under it, not saying a thing. KT smirked with amusement at that: “And he has a point with BB's motivations and you know it too. You just don't want to hear it.”

“Can we not talk about it?” the muted voice behind the pillow asked. 

KT took the pillow away from him and stuffed it under her head: “Okay… but you should apologize.”

“See… protecting him again.” L turned and laid on his back. 

“L…” 

“Fine… I'll apologize.” He said, very reluctantly. 

“Good boy...” KT said with a smirk in her voice. 

“Shut up… makes me feel like a dog.” 

“Yeah… you like to sniff butts so it's not so inaccurate compari…” KT didn't finish because her face was hit by another pillow. She started laughing. 

“Get out…” L growled but she knew he was laughing too.

“Yeah, I am going… I just need your credit card.” she told him, while getting up from the bed. 

“Left pocket of my coat…” L told her and then he frowned: “wait… why?”

“I am going on a coffee with Misa.” she told him, while searching through his wallet.

L gave her stern look: “I think I pay you well enough. You should be able to pay for a coffee…”

KT smiled: “Just kidding. I am going on coffee with Misa and then to buy some presents for children in the orphanage. It's Christmas in two weeks and I think you want the kids to have something under the Christmas tree from their most favourite detective, don't you?”

“Christmas...” L started nodding and then stopped at the thought and his eyes widened: “Jesus what's the date?”

KT chucked again: “Calm down... It's just the 8th. Four more days to Mello's birthday…”

L closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief: “Oh thank God…” but then he realized, he doesn't have any present… Neither the idea. He cleared his throat: “... do you have any ideas? About the present?”

KT folded her hands at her chest: “Yes, actually. Me and Watari were talking about a little party in “Mello style”. 

L raised his eyebrow: “Guns, leather and chocolate?” 

KT chucked: “Almost… without leather, you forbid it until he is at least 15 if I remember it right…”

“Yeah… you remember it right.” He said and remembered Mello's disturbing taste in clothing. His mind already crossed the idea of the boy being gay, but he dismissed it into a category  _ “too soon”. _

KT moved to L again and pecked his cheek: “I gotta go now. Talk to you tomorrow alright? Relax and get better. No more work today!”

L silently nodded and KT walked to the door. But she stopped there and turned to L again: “We didn't even have an opportunity to celebrate our birthday this year. I had a great gift for you. But it stayed in my flat in New York.”

L smiled at her genuinely: “You are here, spending more time with me then you normally would while celebrating our birthday. That's enough of a gift for me.” 

KT's smiled at him, her expression full of love. Confessions like this were not very common with L. And in those rare moments, she even felt younger than her brother.

“Allright, then you'll get your special gift for christmas. I'll send someone for it!” She said and left the room, in a much better mood. 

L smirked to himself while thinking:  _ Wait until you'll see your birthday gift... _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,   
> I am not really happy to say this, but this might be unfortunately the last chapter for some time. Not that I am abandoning the story, GOD NO! But I packed my life into a single luggage and I am moving to another country tomorrow. Exactly 1000 km from my hometown. So it might take me some time to get acclimatized to my new country, new flat, new job and language I only understand the basics of. :D :D :D I am not sure if I will be in a writing mood at the beginning so be patient with me.   
> I hoped I could make it at least to chapter 20 before I depart, but things were really crazy for the past few days… so you will have to wait a little for now. Anyway I think the gap til chapter 20 will be max month… I will try to post much sooner ofcourse!   
> I miss you already!  
> Because seriously? I never thought I'll be able to write so many chapters of FF and still be so much into it! And that's thanks to you guys and all your comments and support! Love you all so much!  
> Hopefully, see you soon!   
> J.


	20. Revelations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I am back!  
> Surprised? Yeah me too… it turned out I can't be without writing for long. Although I am not sure how often the updates will be now, maybe once in two weeks. Cant promise you weekly updates. I am still getting used to everything here. But God! This country is beautiful! :O  
> But let's talk more about what happened here! This story has some important milestones behind! This is the 20th chapter, reached 50k words and got over 100 kudos! Yeeey *Misa squeak*! Thank you so much for the support you are showing me! Now let's shut this enthusiastic author up and enjoy…. Revelations! :P

“Oh KT! This is so great! I wish Ryuzaki brought you sooner! The investigation could have been much more pleasant!” Misa told her enthusiastically while they were sitting in a luxury coffee in the shopping centre. She dropped the honorifics after five minutes of dialogue and KT did the same.

“Well thank you Misa. I must say I am also enjoying my stay here. Spending time with my brother and nephews, making new friends and getting to know at least a bit of country of my origin… it's great.” KT said and looked very relaxed. She was back at her oficial self, speaking with confidence and having a little arrogant smirk on her lips. She was slowly letting out personal information on purpose. She needed Misa to trust her. 

“So you are originally from here? I thought so, you have some asian features and your Japanese is so good.” Misa said and took a sip of her coffee. She started her little interrogation, trying to get as much information as she could for Light, but at the same time, she wanted to have a friend. 

“Thank you, yes, our family comes from Osaka, though we have been living in England from the age of 6 so… I don't really know much of Japan.” KT said with sad eyes. 

“I see… well you will love it here! It's a great place, especially when Kira cleared the country of all the sinners. It's a great place to live.” Misa waved her hands in the air in a grand gesture and looked as if she was in a dreamland. 

KT frowned into her coffee: “I can't say that I agree with Kira's ideology Misa. What he is doing is wrong.”

Misa pursed her lips and gave her a sharp look: “KT, you are an investigator, right?”

“Yes?” She let her back fall into the comfy chair and watched Misa with anticipation. 

“What was the last case you were working on before you came here?”

KT frowned, she was not very happy to talk about it: “I was working on a very tangled case… I was hunting down a group of people who are running a children's organ black market…”

The sharp look on Misa's face fastly faded into terror-stricken as she covered her mouth with her hands: “Oh my… poor children. Did you solve it?”

KT shook her head: “Almost… I was only a few steps from getting important evidence when my brother called me here. So I had to step down from the case.”

Misa folded her hands on her chest: “I see… well but you know who those people in the group are??”

“Yes, I know… I don't have enough evidence yet.”

Misa leaned closer, her elbows rested on the table, hands supporting her chin: “But if you had a chance to end the case now, would you do it?”

KT frowned at her, now it was her time to fold hands on her chest: “I know where you are heading Misa… and the answer is no. I wouldn't want Kira to kill the suspicious.”

“Even if it means more children die, before you solve the case?”

This was a hard one even for KT. She and L had countless discussions about investigation methods, mostly because L was too harsh for her taste and KT was too slow for his taste. But she was simply too soft and needed to be 100 percent sure, before she went against someone: “And if I had a wrong person? And that person died by the hand of Kira? And that person had a family relling on them?”

Misa shrugged: “It would be for greater good.”

KT shook her head and squeezed her cup in her hands: “I don't agree with this. And if I am right your Light wouldn't agree too.”

Misa waved her hand in the air: “Oh yes Light… he is great, honorable and pure but also a bit naive.”

 _Wow this is new…_ KT thought and gave Misa a questioning look. She didn't miss a small bug Misa had on her clothing, hidden under a big flower brooch. That thing was pretty, but not too much her style. KT was sure it was bought by Light. He had better taste than she had. So if Light was listening to their conversation, this was all an act:

_She is trying to gain my trust by criticizing her boyfriend… all right… two can play the game._

“Really? This is the first time I hear you speak about him critically…” KT said. 

Misa waved her hand again, like it was no big deal: “Well this is just between us girls right? Nobody's perfect…”

KT nodded and then tilted her head in the same manner her brother does: “Aren't you a little worried Light might leave you because you are a Kira supporter?”

Misa shook her head: “No… as you know I would do anything for him and I am very capable of keeping my opinions to myself when I know they are not desirable.”

_Oh this finally sounded like you. Hopelessly devoted… but for what reason Misa?_

“I see… but if Light is so naive and you have to keep your opinions for yourself around him, why do you love him so much then?” 

Misa smiled and her eyes looked dreamy again: “Because he is a great combination of intelligence, purity and honor. Not to mention his good looks. Any woman would want such a man by her side.”

“Yes, he looks good. Can't argue with that.” KT smirked. She was a bit amused by their conversation. This woman was switching between a loyal, dreamy, naive partner and intelligent and self-conscious woman. She was truly a good partner for Kira. Devoted but also had a mind on her own. KT was feeling sorry for her. If Kira wasn't in her life, she could have a future with someone who would appreciate her devotion and worked on her personal growth. But like this? Misa was blinded by her love which was… unmistakably dedicated to Kira and Kira alone. 

There was a silent moment before Misa started speaking again: “Now that you know about my relationship….Will you tell me about him?”

KT was for once genuinely confused: “Who?”

“The man who broke your heart… your fiancé?”

KT's eyes widen. She really didn't want to talk about him. 

_Oh come on KT, you need her to trust you…_ she composed herself within a second and smiled again: “What would you like to know?”

Misa leaned forward and she was practically shaking with anticipation: “Everything… Who was he, how did you two met and why did he kill himself?”

KT clenched her fist under the table. That was not very tactful, even rude for her taste but she needed to play on: 

“Well… I can't answer the last question. Because I don't know. We were all very shocked by his death. We have some theories which I can't really share but… I guess he wasn't happy with his life and... with me.” The last two words came out more hurt than she wanted. 

Misa frowned: “You think it's your fault? Surely not…” 

KT shrugged and her eyes were fixed on her coffee. She didn't need to play this. The pain was still alive: “I don't know… we had our issues. And the relationship didn't work very well for the past year before his death so… yeah, guess I could have been one of the reasons.”

Misa quickly covered KT's hand by her own and gave her a soft smile: “Hey… suicide is always a decesion of one person. A selfish one, but no one else can do anything about it. Giving yourself the guilt is pointless.”

KT smiled at her. She started feeling even more sorry for Misa in that moment. Because if the situation was different, she might really befriend the girl. 

“I know… thank you.” 

There was a moment of silence, when Misa withdrawn her hand back and they both drank from their coffee. Then KT started speaking again: “And about who he was… well… we knew each other from childhood. I was a good friend with his best friend so we always met each other in classes and so on. I never really paid much attention to him because I was an outside person and he was an IT boy. Always on his computer, hacking something, acting introvertly. But we met again when I was 18 and we worked together on a case. He was much more communicative and I liked his dry sense for humor. He was openly hitting on me and we got together against my better judgement. I knew he was not the right man for me and I fell for him like crazy anyway. Probably because I felt he would never really love me and I wanted to prove to myself I can make him.”

 _Wait... what?_ KT asked herself as she realized that this was probably the most truthful picture of the situation she ever let out. The most truthful picture she ever admitted to herself.

Misa was practically eating her story and she was biting her lips, waiting, what's gonna come next: “Anyway the relationship worked well at the beginning. When he still felt he had to prove himself. After the first year, when he realized I trust him, he started being his _real_ self again. He only took care of himself and we clicked only as long as I did not demand anything from him. Which was not hard because I was out for cases most of the time. But when I arrived home, full of anticipation, I was always disappointed. There was never a warm welcome. Later on, hardly even a kiss. He distanced himself from me completely. When I realized something is terribly wrong I decided to stay home for sometime and he eventually had to start trying to keep the relationship alive. Because I told him he has a last chance, or we will break up. So he woke up and we were alright for a while. But I never started trusting him again. After a few months he asked me to marry him. I don't even know why I said yes. After that, I left for the case and he started being cold again. Then… I came back home sooner than I should… because I realized it would never work. I wanted to break up with him but… as I came home, I found him with rope around his neck.”

Misa gasped: “Oh my god… KT! That's terrible!”

KT shrugged: “Yeah… it was not a very good moment.”

Suddenly Misa bowed to her with tears in her eyes: “I am so sorry KT. It must be hard for you to talk about it. I am sorry I demanded it.”

KT was staring at her with wide eyes: “No.. it's OK. It was nice to tell someone…I guess.”

Misa suddenly took her hand again and gave her reassuring smile: “Look.. I know you had a hard time with that man, but you said it yourself, there were some issues long before it happened. You two were not happy together but that doesn't mean you are the reason he took his own life. I am sure he had a different reason. You can't blame yourself for that. It's not your fault.”

KT was still staring at Misa with disbelief. This _act_ was so genuine that KT realized it was not an act at all. Misa was good, somewhere deep in her heart and the more opened you were towards her, the more true she was towards you. 

_Oh I am so sorry Misa… I hope we will be able to save you…_ KT thought and felt ashamed that she had to play games with this woman. She looked into her almost empty cup, unable to keep the eye contact anymore.

“But hey…” Misa started again and KT looked up to meet her eyes: “...the fact that you are able to talk about it, means you are ready to move on. That's a good sign, right?” Misa was giving her a soft smile and KT returned it. 

“Yeah… probably…” There was a moment of silence and KT composed herself again: “Hey… you know what… let's leave these dark memories behind and let's go shopping. You promised you will show me shops where I can buy Christmas presents for children.” 

Misa grinned at that: “Oh yes yes… that's true but… Unfortunately I have to go, because I have a photo shoot tonight.”

KT frowned: “The photo shoot? It's almost 6 PM. You are working at night?”

Misa stood up abruptly and started grinning again while she was looking somewhere out of the coffee: “Well it's crazy isn't it? But you know work is work...”

 _Why is she lying to me?_ KT thought and realized, Misa is probably searching for someone.

Then Misa waved at someone and leaned closer to KT: “But don't worry, I arranged you a great shopping companion for tonight… he will help you with everything…”

Misa was grinning from ear to ear and KT didn't like it a bit. She subconsciously knew who she meant but she didn't want it to be true. 

Then KT finally looked back and saw Touta Matsuda standing at the entrance to the cafe, waving at them. 

_Oh shit no…_ she thought and looked back at Misa who was still leaning into her personal space and whispered: “Hey, give him a chance! He is such a sweetheart and he is a fool for you! You deserve to be happy!”

With that, Misa left and KT had to face her crush… alone. 

* * *

Light was listening to their conversation for the third time. He was lying on his back in his bed, with headphones and tried to make most of what he heard. He realized, mostly from Misa's behaviour, they were both switching between their official and unofficial personas. He was used to it with Misa, but this is the first time he heard KT talking without a cheerful facade all the time, which meant, at some point she was telling the truth. 

_Or… is an extremely skilled actor._

_Damn woman… It dont understand her._

Light growled and thought about the part with KT's fiancé: It fit all the other stories Light heard from them so far and it also showed one important thing: KT's fiancé was best friend of Beyond Birthday. She didn't say it out loud but Light put two and two together. 

_The night she arrived she said Beyond Birthday went nuts after his best friend died… that means he probably knows the reason her fiancé killed himself. Which also means… KT has another, more personal reason to go after him and not to kill him straight away._

Light shifted on his bed and frowned. The stupid theory of Touta Matsuda stucked in his head. If there was a slightest possibility that Birthday wanted L back, he needed him dead as soon as possible. Light knew his relationship with L was fragile and an intervention in the shape of an ex-lover might be a big complication. Especially, when it was clear L was not completely over it. 

Light felt his stomach making a salto. He hated Beyond Birthday. 

He hated him because he had L first.

He hated him because he hurt L.

He hated him because he didn't die the first time.

He hated him because he didn't know his damn name!

Light stood up abruptly from the bed and headed back to the HQs. He needed to get to Beyond Birthday sooner than KT. And that meant he needed to get to work. Even if it meant working all night. 

* * *

KT and Matsuda came back from the store after 9 PM. They spent the whole evening picking up toys, books and even clothes as Christmas presents. They had a marvelous time. KT was pretty nervous at the beginning but as they were talking about kids and debating about what they could like and what she should buy or not, she quickly forgot about her hesitation and became her cheerful self again. She felt so good around Touta Matsuda. He made her laugh so easily. 

“Thank you so much Matsuda-san! The toy store you showed me was so amazing! I am sure kids in the orphanage are going to love all things we picked up for them!” At that moment, she was smiling from ear to ear while opening the door to her apartment. 

“No problem KT-san! I am happy I could help you!” Matsuda cheerfully answered. 

The door opened and they stepped in. Matsuda stopped in his tracks to admire the view. From this floor of the tower was a beautiful sight of Tokyo. The lights of the city were already on, giving a breathtaking view.

“Oh put those here please…” KT told him, and showed him to the table. Matsuda did as was told and brought the bags to KT. Most of the gifts were packed and sent to England by private jet but KT also bought a few things for her brother and nephews, which Matsuda happily carried from the store.

“I have to buy some decoration paper to wrap them up…. Oh and I have to arrange a Christmas tree!” KT was shining with enthusiasm. She got into the Christmas mood and even started thinking about baking some sweets. 

Matsuda was drunk by her smile. He was watching her unpacking things from bags and smirked for himself. He could get used to this. The two of them, just doing some grocery shopping, coming back home, unpacking things and making dinner. Then having some private time...

 _You are a bit ahead of yourself Touta…_ his mind told him. 

But he couldn't help it. From the moment Mogi and Aizawa told him that she actually likes him, his mind drifted into _ideal life_ fantasies. And her good mood at the store was giving him even higher hopes. 

“It looks like you are planning a traditional Christmas.” he told her, trying to keep the conversation going. 

She smiled at him: “Oh hope so! Christmas is an important family time!” then her face darkened a little: “Although it will be probably a little sad without all the kids around.”

“You have your brother and your nephews here.”

She smiled again: “Oh yes I know. But I got so used to spending holidays with all the kids at the orphanage! It's so magical with them around. You know, with all the smiles and surprised faces. I can't get enough of it.”

“I would love to see it one day…” he said softly and their eyes locked. 

KT stared at him with wide eyes, her mouth slightly opened. He was making cues like that all evening. She managed not to let it show but it always made her heart skip a beat. He was seriously messing with her head. She knew they were heading again into _that_ conversation. Although she was feeling marvelous around him, she was kinda ready to tell him they should be just friends but before she could, he blurted: 

“Look KT-san I know this will be a little unusual request but I would like to court you.” 

KT's eyes went even wider and her mind went completely blank: “I am sorry…. Wha--what did you just say?!” 

Matsuda's face went red like a tomato and he started scratching the back of his head: “You know… I… you…” again he started feeling insecure. But it was too late to back out: “You know....I would like to take you out for a date sometime… soon.”

KT was still at loss of worlds. 

_Did he really ask me to court me?!_

_Who is he? Mr. Darcy?_

But Mr. Dar...suda was still speaking: “Look I know it's probably not a good idea, you are my colleague and my boss's sister but I can't stop thinking about you and I would really like to know if the two of us have some chance you know… for a future… together... You know I would really love to be with you, even if I have the smallest chance…”

He was still talking. Literally giving his heart on the golden plate. KT was just staring at him, listening, her mind quickly analyzing the words and his body language. He was a nervous wreck, his eyes traveling between her and the floor, not keeping the eyes contact for long. 

KT's mind stuck on two words: 

_… A future?_

_… Together?_

The only two things she ever really wanted. Knowing that she has a future and she can share it with someone. She had enough of solitude and the feeling that if she dies, she will die completely. Because of who she is and who her brother is, if she dies, her death will be total. Her things will be destroyed and she will only live as long as those who knew her. But if she had someone to share her life with, a person for her own, it would be much harder to erase her. And life would be so much easier to carry...

_… A future?_

_… Together?_

Those two words were echoing in her head. It was something A never ever offered to her. Yes, they got engaged… but because she held a knife on his neck and he wanted to have a secure position in the family. They would have a future together. But not the one she would want. Because A was not there to remember her. Not the one to listen. Not the one to be there for her. KT was just standing there, watching this _adorable idiot_ mumbling and felt tears building behind her eyes. He probably had no idea that by offering himself to her like this, he made her feel like the most important person in the world. Like she had a chance to make a decision that might change her life for the better. 

_Would it be too much to want something just for myself?_ She asked herself and bit her lower lip. He was not the brightest. Not the most beautiful. Not the greatest match. But he was sincere. And he had such genuine eyes...

_Fuck it!_

With that thought she made two quick steps forward, grabbed his tie and pulled him into a kiss. 

* * *

  
  


L vomited. 

_Again._

It was 6:30 in the morning and his stomach was making jokes at him. He was embracing the toilet bowl and tried to breathe slowly in the moments between the urges to disgorge all his stomach contents. After a few minutes, he had literally nothing to throw up but his stomach was still making efforts to push something out. He felt totally exhausted. And it was getting worse in the past few days. He felt more and more tired, although he ate more and even tried to add some healthy foods to his daily menu. 

L rested his head against the toilet bowl. It was pleasantly cold against his hot forehead. He closed his eyes and tried to breath as calmly as he could. 

_Jesus if I didn't know any better I would say that I am preg…_ L didn't even let himself finish the thought and then quickly lifted his head up, his eyes wide open. 

“No, no, no, no, no… that's impossible! That can't be true!” he said out loud and quickly stood up. Too quickly. His head started spinning and he had to lean against the basin, not to lose his balance. His breathing quickened as his mind was running over all the symptoms he had in the last few weeks. He looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked unhealthy, green almost and yet there was something different in his face. He couldn't place it. Maybe he gained a little weight? 

_I can't be pregnant… that's impossible. I made sure we always had protection! There was not a single sex without a con…_ Then it hit him. 

_Oh Jesus Christ…_

The rape. It was the only one sex they ever had without protection.

 _It was November 18th, that makes it exactly three weeks…_ L counted and closed his eyes. 

_Shit…_

L slowly turned away from the mirror and headed to his room, tears falling from his eyes. He lowered himself to his bed and curled into a fetal position. He hugged himself with one of his arms and the other went protectively around his flat belly. At that moment, he was already sobbing. He felt the world collapsing around him. His mind went blank and the only thought that left was:

_I am pregnant… with Kira's child._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright seriously… most of you saw the pregnancy coming. I tried to deny it as much as I could but… well I wasn't very successful, was I? :D :D :D I hope you guys are happy!!! Yeah, I know some of you are not. :D :D :D Let me know what you think…  
> Also… KTsuda is happening! Yeeey! :D :D :D


	21. Virus, part I

“What do you mean you can't break in? Is this what I've been waiting for the whole week?! You have to be kidding me!” Mello was pretty pissed off and wanted to yell, but he needed to keep his voice down, because Near was in the bathroom. 

Usually, they were having video chats in the evenings, when Near was taking his bath with robots but… yesterday the youngling was so tired he fell asleep without bathing and changing to pyjamas. So Mello had to wait till the morning, when Near finally disappeared to take his bath. But he was dying with impatience. Matt texted him yesterday that they needed to talk and Mello hated waiting. But now, when he realized that his red-headed friend didn't have any good news for him, he started raging. 

“It's not that easy Mello. I've studied the structure of your father's security system and I simply can't find the way to get through. He is not an amatuer. This system is complex… anywhere I would try to break in, the system will alert him or will send a virus into my own computer! I can't risk any of that!”

Mello threw his hands in the air in frustration: “I can't believe you didn't make it Matt! You are supposed to be the best hacker at Wammy's!”

Matt rolled his eyes: “I am seven! I can't be the best hacker at Wammy's even if I wanted to!”

“You…. lazy!.... little!.... SHIT!” Mello shouted and for the first time, Matt looked offended. He pursed his lips and gave Mello a sharp look: “I didn't touch any game for a week because of you and you are calling me lazy…. You know what? Go fuckyourself Mello!”

With that Matt cut the connection. Mello growled in frustration and his back fell on the bed. 

_ Damn you Matt!  _ He thought and looked at the white ceiling. After a moment he bit his lip as he started feeling guilty. Because he knew Matt for almost a year now and the red-head only lost patience with him once. They were not talking to each other for two weeks and in the end, aunt KT had to step in and made Mello apologize. It was not a pleasant experience. 

Mello shot up in bed and his eyes widened: “Aunt KT....”

He quickly took his laptop and dialed Matt again. It was ringing and ringing… and Matt was taking his time. But in the end he answered with a sharp: “WHAT?!”

The red-head already had a game controller in his hands and he was looking at a different screen, playing some game. Mello bit his lip, not sure how to proceed, so he decided to step over the situation and act like nothing happened: “You said you can't get into dad's security system but… can you get into the computer of someone who is using the system and is not an integral part of it?”

That seemed to get Matt's attention and he turned from his game: “Well… if the computer is out of the security system but is using the codes to get in… it should be easy.” 

Mello smirked: “Alright, I need you to hack into the computer of aunt KT.”

Matt gasped, his eyes widened and he started waving his hands in front of the camera: “NO! No, no, no, no! I am not doing that!”

Mello frowned and looked confused: “What?! Why?! You were alright with hacking into my father's system and you don't want to hack into my aunt's computer?! I don't get your priorities!”

“I can't, Mello! Your aunt pulled me out of the street and took me to Wammy's! I can't do that to her!”

Mello rolled his eyes: “Don't be so touchy!”

“No, Mello! She is the closest thing I have to a mum!” The red-head said and suddenly looked nervous. Which was something Mello never saw before and it made him angry: 

“What are you talking about, she is not your fucking mum!”

“But she is acting like that! She buys me games and she lets me work for her…”

Mello's eyes almost fell out of his face: “You work for my aunt?!”

“Well sometimes…” Matt said and his eyes were ticking from one place to another. 

“Does she pay you?!”

“Yeah…” 

Mello folded his hands on his chest: “This is not fair! I am her family and she never asked me for anything!”

Matt gave him a bored look: “You are not into computers Mello...”

“Yes but that doesn't mean…” Mello stopped and tilted his head: “Wait… so you work for her... that means you probably know her codes!”

Matt didn't answer that and looked down at his hands. 

Mello gasped: “You do! You know the codes!”

“Again, Mello, I am not doing this!” his friend said and meant it as a warning. 

Mello didn't understand him. Most of the time Matt was just cool about everything and all of sudden when it comes to aunt KT he is nervous and…. __

_ Oh wait a sec….  _ Mello smirked: “So… you are having a crush on my aunt…” 

Matt's eyes widen: “What?! No!”

Mello started laughing: “That might be actually a crime you know… being in love with your… mum.”

“I am not in love… she is not my… aaagrrr!” Matt growled and hid his face with a pillow he took from his bed. 

Mello continued teasing him: “I wonder what she might say about it... “

Matt fastly threw the pillow away and started waving hands in panic: “No! Don't tell her! I'll do it! I'll do it!”

_ Awww… found your weakness Matty?  _ Mello thought and smirked but the fact that his best friend had a soft spot for his aunt felt strange in his stomach.

“That's how I like you…” Mello said. 

“Bastard…” Matt whispered and shook his head: “... but I need to be on video chat with her… otherwise I can't get in. It's the only time I have access to the system.”

Mello shrugged and started checking his nails, very pleased with himself: “Alright so call her…”

“Yes but… I can't hold a conversation while hacking!”

Mello stopped in his movement and gave Matt a bored look: “Alright I'll think of something…”

“I hate you, do you know that?”

“Yeah, yeah, keep telling that to yourself…” Mello told him, before he cut the connection. 

* * *

“Ruyzaki will not be joining you for a few days. He has some health issues and will be staying in his bedroom.” Watari announced when Ryuzaki did not arrive for the morning briefing. He was gone also yesterday, which meant he will be missing the second day. After Matsuda's and KT's announcement that Beyond Birthday might actually want him back, he disappeared. The feelings that were going through Light's body were wrecking. He felt jealous, nervous and now even afraid, because L was probably more then just sick…

“What's wrong? What happened to him?” Light asked in panic.

Watari glared at him through his glasses: “I am afraid, Yagami-kun, that Ryuzaki's health is his personal matter.” 

Light clenched his fists but tried to argue as reasonable as possible: “Yes, but Ryuzaki wasn't feeling well for days. If there is something contagious in the air…. Like a virus or something, we have a right to know.”

Watari gave him a sharp look. He knew exactly what Light was asking about, but had no other choice than to answer: “It's not a virus, Yagami-kun. No need to be worried.” then he turned to chief Yagami: “Yagami-san, Ryuzaki entrusts you the charge of the case for now. Please start the briefing.” 

Light opened and closed his mouth. The fact that L did not entrusted the task force to him, as the most intelligent, was not good. He felt hurt, insulted and damn insecure at that moment. But most of all, if L is giving charge to someone, it means his shape must be very bad. 

Light's mind went blank as he panicked. He didn't even hear his father, who started talking about the tasks for today. Out of nowhere, Light turned around and walked towards the exit, where Watari was slowly moving out of the room. 

“I wanna see him!” He said to the old man, much louder than he wanted and the room fell silent. 

Watari turned to him with a raised eyebrow: “He is not well, Yagami-kun and he wishes to be alone.”

“I don't care, I wanna see him now!” Light demanded and started seeing red.

“Light! What are you doing?! Stop acting like a spoiled child!” His father snapped at him and made a few steps closer. Light was not listening to him at all:

“Something is wrong with him, right? Is it serious? Did he see a doctor?” Light asked, while clenching his fists and gritting his teeth.

“I am a doctor myself, Yagami-kun and as I said before, I can't tell you anything about Ryuzaki's health condition.”

Light wanted to shake with the old man, but a second before he could, he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. He looked back to see KT. She was looking at him with the same blank gaze L was giving him so often. Her face was not showing any emotions as well as her voice:

“I will go check on him… He will have to see me whether he wants or not, I am a family, after all. And I'll tell him you are worried.” she announced stoically. 

Light closed his eyes and let out a long sigh: “Okay…”

“Anything else you want me to tell him?” she asked with raised eyebrow, like she was expecting him to blurt out his feelings in front of everyone. 

_ Not that I just didn't.... _ Light thought and composed himself again: “Yes actually… I worked all night and I made a list of events Beyond Birthday might want to meet at.” he turned around, and walked to his desk, there he took a paper that he handed to KT: “... these are all events happening within next month in Japan that I think Birthday might use as a meeting place.”

KT frowned and looked at the list. She made almost the same yesterday. That wasn't good. Light was obviously only a step behind her and if she makes a mistake he might get to Beyond first. She just needed to test if they are thinking the same way: “These are all public events with at least a thousand of people… why do you think he will want to meet publicly?” 

Light put his hands in his pockets and shrugged with a smirk: “He is doing all his efforts very publicly so it makes sense. And he has a bigger chance to disappear in a big crowd, if something goes wrong for him.”

KT's eyebrow shot up as she tried to look surprised. But she really wasn't: “Okay, I'll discuss it with L. And you should go back to the Kira case. Beyond Birthday is not your job.” She told him sharply.

“Well someone has to do something, if you are failing to do your job.” Light blurted without thinking.

The task force gasped.

“Light!” Chief Yagami yelled: “Apologize now!”

KT smirked: “No need for that Yagami-san. I prefer honesty. I am glad your son said what he really thinks… for once.” 

The atmosphere in the room was so thick it could be cutted by the knife. KT and Light were glaring at each other with hatred. Both of them knowing they stood at opposite sites. But Light quickly fell down from his tantrum realizing he needs her at her side now. She might be his only link to L for a few days. 

“No my father is right… I spoke harshly and insulted you, please accept my apology.” Light said with a bow. 

KT smirked:  _ Well played Light… back to the perfect son again.  _

“As I said, no need to apologize. You are right, you are much more successful with BB's investigation than I am. So your criticism is appropriate. But you could learn to give it at the right time. Not to throw it out because you are mad.”

Light clenched his fists and gritted his teeth, but he bowed even deeper in apology: “Yes, KT-san.” he said, but his mind was yelling:  _ The day I'll get a hand on your name will be your last you damn bitch!  _

* * *

  
  


KT was walking out of the HQs but before she could make it to the elevator, she heard hurried steps behind her and Matsuda's voice, calling her name. She smirked happily and her heart started racing. Maybe it didn't even stop after yesterday… she was not sure. 

Yesterday she lost control… and she was never in her life so happy that she did. She kissed him and he was so surprised that he didn't respond. So she drew back to meet his eyes. His face was red, he was ashamed and confused.

_ \---Flashback--- _

“You… I… is that yes?“ he started mumbling and KT smiled at him, pulling him closer by his tie again. Their faces were only millimeters apart, their noses almost touching: “Yes, if you will pass the kissing test…”

His eyes widened: “The kissing test???”

KT was teasing him of course… She enjoyed having the upper hand and this  _ adorable idiot _ was lost already. She kissed him softly on the mouth and whispered: “I only date good kissers you know…”

In that moment, he crushed their lips together again and kissed her with such a force and passion that she almost forgot to breathe. His hand went to her waist and he pulled her to his own body and her hands ended up tangled in his hair. Their lips were joined in a deep kiss and both of them felt the heat coming from the other's body. KT was for once, totally lost. Because this man was a damn good kisser and every move of his mouth was starting a fire within her. 

Eventually they had to pull apart. Because they needed to breathe and the things were getting a little too heated. Luckily, Matsuda had more reasoning than she had and left while he could. Because if they started kissing again, she wouldn't probably let him go at all. And he wanted to take things slowly… at least that's what he told her. So Touta Matsuda left her room with swollen lips, a hard on and promise of a date. And KT? She couldn't sleep at night because the kiss didn't leave her mind. 

_ \---End of Flashback--- _

Right now, they were standing in front of the elevator, looking at each other with shy smiles and pink cheeks.

“KT-san I was thinking about yesterday and I thought maybe we could have the date tonight?” KT raised an eyebrow:  _ Still using honorifics? Well maybe it's for the best… at least no one will be suspicious...  _

“Yes, sure we can, I am free tonight.” she told him with sparkling eyes. He looked as a heavy load just fell from his shoulders. She took a step closer to him: “You thought I am going to back off?”

Matsuda scratched the back of his head: “Yeah… I was a little worried, you know…” 

She rolled her eyes, caught him by a tie and cut him off with a kiss. He tensed and then relaxed. When he started kissing back she backed away: “Was this enough of a reassurance for you, Matsuda-san?” 

Matsuda opened and closed his mouth, his mind clouded. She was looking at him with lust in her big, beautiful, blue, puppy dog eyes.

_ Oh God, this is going to give me a heart attack… _ he thought and then… she licked her lips. 

In that moment he lost it, attacked her lips again and smacked her back against the elevator door. He immediately started backing off and wanted to apologize but she didn't let him and pulled him into another heated kiss. He didn't even know how it happened but all of sudden her legs were around his waist and he was holding her in the air by her butt. 

_ No, no, no Touta, this is a little too much. _ His mind started yelling at him and he drew back. Her legs slid back to the ground and she gave him an annoyed look. Again, he was looking at her like a lost puppy: “I… you… We should wait with this…” 

“It's only making out…” she told him with frustration in her voice.

“I know but I want to make this right…” He told her and looked like he meant it. No nervousness and no scratching the back of his neck.

KT bit her lower lip. This man was so frustrating… one moment acting like a he could fuck her in the elevator and the other being an old school gentleman. But his kisses and touches were like a virus to her. She got a taste of him and a need was spreading through her body. 

_ Stop acting like a horny teenager KT. _ She told herself and cleared her throat: “Alright then… I'll see you tonight?” 

“I'll pick you up at 7 PM.” he told her their ways parted. 

* * *

  
  


KT knocked at her brother's door but didn't hear any response. So she slowly opened the door and looked inside. L was lying in his bed, curled in a ball and seemed asleep. KT smiled softly and came closer to check on him. She was as silent as possible, not to wake him up, but when she took a blanket and covered him, she noticed his eyes are opened and he is blankly staring nowhere. She frowned, when she realized his cheeks were wet. She knew something was terribly wrong. Because L didn't cry. At least not until something very very very bad happened… And L… also wasn't good at talking about things. 

KT bit her lower lip and went to the other side of the bed, to lay across her brother. They were lying there in silence for a few minutes, their body positions mirroring one another. L wasn't saying a thing, tears were slowly falling from his eyes and he was biting to his thumb. Like a baby. 

KT finally decided for an action, her hand went to a strand of his hair and took it away from his face. In that moment his gaze finally shifted to her. It was like he finally registered her presence at that moment. L stared at her for what felt like minutes and then… he did something KT didn't expect: he shifted closer, so his head was resting on her arm and… he started sobbing. KT immediately hugged him and heard him whispering: “I don't want to talk about it.”

So she did not push him… she just held him, let him cry into her shirt and didn't ask him anything. But she was afraid. More than just afraid. She was scared. Because if L was falling apart, then everything else will too. 


	22. Virus, part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> In case you missed it, I posted the first chapter of a new lawlight story last week. It is a Hogwarts/Omegaverse AU. :D So if you don't have enough of my writing, you might want to check it! 
> 
> As for this story...  
> I feel like I might be losing some readers because this story is becoming very long and complicated. But I somehow feel like I cant go on with the plot without building relationships and portraiting characters motivations well enough. The future part of the story wouldnt be much convincing without it so... yeah. Thats all I wanted to say.  
> See you again soon.

KT wasn't sure how long they were lying there before L fell asleep. She was happy that he did, because he needed it. She didn't experience L's anxiety attacks after LA case, but she had enough knowledge from psychology classes, so she had some idea about what was going on. And she could only guess that the fact that L is in love with his prime suspect wasn't making it much easier. It was highly probable that his subconscious was rejecting the relationship in order to save himself and started sabotaging L's body. She didn't know what was going on in his head so she took a guess and it sounded reasonable to her. She could only hope he might wanna talk about it when he wakes up... But he didn't. 

“How long was I sleeping?” he asked her with sleepy and teary eyes.

“Just a few hours… Are you hungry? Watari left you a lunch here…” she said and pointed at the conference table. She was currency chewing on grapes she stole from the plate. 

L only shook his head. He wasn't in the mood for food. 

KT bit his lower lip and finally found the courage to ask: “Elie, what happened?” 

He didn't respond.

“Something between you and Light? He was really raving when he found out you are not coming. He demanded to see you and almost threatened Watari.” 

“I dont wanna talk about Light.” L spat. 

KT held her breath, trying not to ask more, so she only said: “Alright…” 

There was a moment of silence. KT was observing L and L was looking at the paper in the legs of the bed.

“What is it?” he asked, as if he wanted to change the subject, but he didn't really care. 

“Thats a list of events Beyond might want to meet at…”

L took it and searched through it.

“Your work?”

“Well yes… also. But this one is from… _youknowwho_.” She tried to joke but L clearly wasn't in a mood and ignored it.

“So you both made the list.”

KT shrugged: “Yep. More or less the same. I did it yesterday before I went to meet Misa and Light said he made this tonight. It's clear that he has his own motivations to help with BB's investigation.”

L hugged his legs and looked like a hurt animal but his voice was sharp: “I don't want him to participate in this.”

KT stood up from the bed and went to steal more fruit from L's plate: “Me neither, but he wasn't exactly asking for permission… and we merged the cases so we can't really keep him out. Even when I told him to back off.” 

L looked at KT questiongly: “I bet he wasn't happy…”

KT chuckled: “He lost his temper for a moment.”

“Hmm…” 

There was a moment of silence. KT was looking at her brother, not sure if she should say it or not but…: “Have you ever noticed that the longer you are gone the more Kira like he is acting?” 

L gave her a sharp look: “Why are we even talking about him? I do want to talk about him.”

KT rolled her eyes, but only internally. She didn't want to provoke him in this state… but it was L who asked about the list so…: “Oh… right, sorry.” She said and sat down to the conference table, taking an apple. 

There was another silent moment, before L started speaking again, with a low voice: “Yes, I noticed. That's why I wanted to keep him occupied in the first place.”

KT was looking at him. L was still staring into one place and looked like a disaster. 

_Fucking anxiety._

“Yeah… lets hope you will feel better soon, because the boy is seriously losing it down there.”

L bit his lip. He knew he won't be feeling better anytime soon. He needed time. Time to grief, time to think and time to make a new strategy. Right now, he wasn't in a mood to make Light a babysitter. 

There was a knock on the door. The twins shared a look. It wasn't Watari's knocking. 

“Who is it?” KT asked. She didn't want L to answer in case it would be Light.

“It's Mello, can I come in?”

KT frowned: _This is weird, since when does he ask before he bursts to the room?_

L wiped his face into a sleeve and answered: “Come in.”

Little blonde came into the room with KT's laptop in his hands.

“Hey dad, hey aunt…” he greeted them with a wide smile. 

L stood up from the bed, facing his little son: “What's going on Mello? Shouldn't you be at the class?”

Mello shook his head: “It's a mid day break and I went to see you to HQs but you weren't there and KT's laptop was ringing but no one could get in to refuse the call. They were pretty annoyed by that, so I decided to bring it here.”

KT smiled at him: “Oh that's nice of you honey, give it to me.”

Mello gave KT her laptop and sat on the chair at the other side of the conference table. His eyes fell on a small piece of chocolate cake that was on the plate. L saw exactly what his son was looking at and smirked. 

“Want a cake?” he asked and Mello immediately bent forward to take the offered piece of heaven. 

“Thank you dad…” he heard aunt KT said, reminding him of good manners. 

“Thank you dad…” he repeated with his mouth full. 

L and KT shared an amused look. Then KT finally logged into her computer and said: “Hey, I have missed calls from your friend Matt.”

Mello snorted: “He's not my friend.”

KT raised an eyebrow: “Since when? Did you two argue again?”

“He is impossible!” Mello raised his voice and he almost choked on his cake. 

KT rolled her eyes: “Oh come on Mello… he is the only real friend you have and you know it.”

“Who is this Matt person?” L asked and sat beside KT. He didn't know the boy. 

“A boy I took to Wammy's last year before Christmas. You were already out for the Kira case so you don't know him, but he and Mello are best friends.”

“We aren't.” Mello hissed.

“Sure you are…” KT said with a theatrical voice and then turned to L: “They even share a room at Wammy's. He is the only kid in the house who is able to keep up with Mello and Near. He is already third on the successors list.”

Mello finally finished his cake and was free to expres his feelings on the matter: “He is stupid dad! Stupid and lazy!”

L took a piece of watermelon from the plate and answered him calmly: “He cant be that stupid if he is able too keep up with Nate and you.”

Mello rolled his eyes. 

“So why did you argue?” KT asked.

“I dont wanna talk about it.” Mello spat back. 

KT smirked and gave L a look. 

_Where did I see this before?_ She asked herself. 

“Alright so should I call him and ask him?”

Mello shrugged and acted like he didn't care. But his voice was giving away a lot: “Do as you want. He probably called you to make me apologize, like the last time.”

KT raised an eyebrow: “And would he be right to ask me to?”

Mello folded his hands on his chest and didn't say a thing, his eyes pointed somewhere on the table. 

“All right…” she said and dialed Matt. The boy picked it up within seconds. 

“Hello KT!” a boy's voice said and in a moment she saw her favourite orphan on the screen. L leaned in to look at what the boy looks like, but not enough to get to the camera's range.

“Hello Matt, you needed something?” KT asked and acted like she was alone in the room.

“Yes… listen I… how to put it…” the boy looked nervous and scratched the back of his neck. 

KT smiled. Matt was adorably shy: “I am listening, just say it.”

“Yeah… you know… is there any chance you could get me.... a plane ticket?”

KT's eyebrows shooted up in surprise: “A plane ticket?”

The boy shrugged but looked pretty nervous: “Yeah to Japan you know… it's Mello's birthday in two days and he wanted me to be there…”

KT shot a look at Mello, who suddenly looked guilty.

“Mello wanted you to be here for his birthday I see… so I guess he asked you to ask me, to buy you a ticket?” she offered him, as she tried to figure out, why they had a fall out. 

Matt shook his head and scratched his neck again: “Well… no actually… he ordered me to hack into British airlines and get myself a ticket, and then run off Wammy's so… we had a little argue about it…”

“He WHAT?!” L blurted and looked at Mello in shock. Matt felt silent when he heard the voice he didn't know. He quickly realized who was in the room and swallowed hard. 

“Hello sir…” Matt said, suddenly unsure if he should proceed in the plan or not. Because if L was in the room with them, there was a chance he would notice something is off.

“So my son, ordered you, to get yourself a ticket and run away so you could spend his birthday together?” L asked, still out of the camera, his eyes focused on little Mello, who suddenly looked like he was sinking deeper into his chair.

“Yes sir…” an unsure voice said. 

“And you are calling my sister because you hope she might get you one?”

“Yes sir… I don't want Mello to be mad at me on his birthday so I was hoping KT might… I don't know… invite me officially?”

KT and L both looked at Mello. His blue eyes were shining with hope. Then they shared a look. But it was more as if they shared their thoughts. They both wanted to make Mello happy but bringing another child into this situation would make things even more complicated. Even when he was one of Wammy's. 

“I am sorry Matt. I can't allow it.” L said. 

At that moment a storm bursted in the room. Mello jumped on his legs and started shouting at L: “WHY CAN'T I HAVE HIM HERE? WOULD IT HURT YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME ONCE?! YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ME AND YOU CAN'T EVEN ALLOW MY FRIEND HERE SO I AM NOT ALONE?!...” Mello was yelling and somewhere at the beginning of it Matt acted like he was surprised Mello was in the room. But when he knew KT was not looking at the screen he quickly logged into her system and sent a virus. 

It was a simple one, really. Its only purpose was to find and download all the files that contained the word “Kira”. It went faster than he thought. Within seconds, he downloaded over 4000 files. 

“Mello calm down!” KT said with a sharp tone.

“No! No! I won't! It's my birthday! I want him here!” Mello screamed at them, his eyes red. 

“Mello, it is not safe for Matt here.” L told him stoically but he was pretty much shaken by his son's behaviour. 

“It is safe enough for me.” the boy opposed.

“It is not safe for anyone actually… I just wanted to have you here.” L said and Mello opened and closed his mouth. He never expected his dad to say something like this. There was a moment of silence before they heard Matt again from the computer: “I understand sir. I am sorry to bother you. We will celebrate your birthday when you get back Mello.”

That was it. That was their secret sentence so Mello knew he could cut the act, because Matt had all they needed. So Mello turned around and bursted out of the room screaming: “IT IS NOT FAIR!”

* * *

Light was watching TV… after a long long time. And many things… had changed. There were TV shows where people were openly supporting Kira and they called him a God. Light smirked. Things were going according to his plan even when he was not paying much attention to it in the past months. Hell… things were still going according to his plan even when he didn't know it was his own plan. He knew he started something, something big, something that might actually save the world from rotting from the inside. 

Light felt pride. 

He knew he was doing something good. Something for everyone. 

_ If only L understood...  _ Light thought and let out a long sigh. The situation was rather desperate. In moments like this, Light felt he should let L be and go back to his original plan. Because the world needed him, because people needed him. There was no one else who could do this task. 

Light switched the channel and watched the news for a few minutes. The criminality dropped rapidly in the last year and yet… there were still those, who were raping, killing and cheating on others. Sin was like a virus to the world. That's why the world still needed Kira. 

And then… there was L. His first ever love. His worst enemy. 

In moments like this, he was cursing the day they kissed for the first time. And he cursed himself because it was him who initiated, it was him, who fell first. It was an irony, really. 

_ How the mighty Kira fell for his nemésis and refused to go on without him.  _

Light even wondered if someone will ever write a book or a poem about them. He wondered what it would end like, what it will end like… 

Light was depressed. 

His life and his goals were much easier without love. And yet, he still couldn't bring himself to go back to Kira fully. He was holding back because of L. But now? What has he got left? L was hiding somewhere. Maybe he was sick but maybe... it was all about Beyond Birthday in the first place. They had a past and now, it seemed like L was not over him. 

Light was thinking about it all day. And yesterday also. 

L didn't even let him know what's wrong with him… like Light was nothing to him. 

It was pissing him off. 

He was postponing his dream, he let down the people who believed in him. He let many criminals go free. All for L. And this is what he got back. Solitude, sadness and uncertainty. 

Misa has his Death Note now, she is not under surveillance anymore and she is using the notebook instead of him. He gave her the order not to kill too many people, not to draw attention too much, so she is only killing the worst criminals. 

But now? Light was wondering why he was even doing this. Why was he holding back, when he is obviously not even worthy of a message? 

It was time to take his Death Note back. 

It was time for Kira to strike again. 

Ryuk was most of the time behind his ass anyway, not guarding Misa as he should. And as he was sure there were not bugs or cameras in his room, he might actually take the risk of bringing the note to the tower and hiding it there. He was smart enough to do it. At least he will have something to focus on, now that he had no chance to get to L. 

_ Wait a second… _ Light's mind stopped in the tracks. 

_ What if this was his plan all along? What if he wanted to distract me from killing more people? And if I will start killing again now, it will show him exactly what he wanted. It will point at me as Kira again.  _

Light frowned. It made perfect sense. If he takes his Death Note now, and starts working, he will give L a clue to be suspicious of him even more.

But on the other hand, if L would ever want to use this against him, he would have to reveal their relationship and that was very unlike L. 

Light frowned even deeper. He was tired of this stalemate they were stuck into. It was time to make a bolder move. He needed L to step out of his shell. He needed L to show which side he is on. And him, acting like Kira again will definitely not go without response. 

Light smirked. 

Had a new plan. 

This morning, he was worried sick about L and he let it show in front of everyone. It was reckless and it made him look like a lovesick teenager. Which was actually... playing into his cards. In the past weeks he was not exactly subtle with his feelings towards L and he was all doing it, to make sure L knows he will do anything to redeem himself. But… he might as well make it the part of the game. For the task force, he will look like  _ A lamb who fell for a wolf. _ And meanwhile, he will be the wolf, waiting for the lamb to come to him. And he knew the lamb would come. Because when the first Kira appears again, L will show up too. 

Light smirked, took his phone and dialed Misa. 

She was not picking it for a while and there was a small voice somewhere in the back of Light's mind telling him, to stop, that L might be actually sick and need his support, to remember his mother's words. 

But Light was not listening. 

He had enough. 

Misa finally picked up the phone and her high squeaky voice filled his hearing. He clenched his fists and rolled his eyes. He didn't even let her finish her enthusiastic greeting and cut her off: “We will have lunch together tomorrow. Bring it with you.”

* * *

“How compressed? What do you mean?” Mello asked his red-headed friend that night, when they finally had an opportunity to talk to each other.

“It must have been another line of defence we weren't expecting. There must have been another program that packed the files into compressed format and assigned a unique password to each file.” Matt explained and looked nervous.

“Then get through it!” Mello ordered him. 

The red-head shook his head: “Mello, it's pointless! We have over 4000 files, but each of them has its own password. Even if I knew where to start it would take months to get through it. It's over, I can't make this.”

“You have to be kidding me Matt! We got this far! We got all the Kira case files and now you are backing off?” Mello sounded desperate. He was not even trying to yell at him this time. He just had enough and was tired of all this. 

Matt bit his lip: “This is not about backing off Mello! I just don't know how to get in! I can study it, I can try it, but I definitely won't be able to give it to you within the time you need it.”

Mello looked like he was about to cry: “But this is important! I just argued with my dad to get these files!”

“I know! I am sorry okay?!” Matt was frustrated. Because sad Mello was a much worse case than raving Mello. Matt was able to stand when Mello was yelling at him and sending him to hell, but the moment when Mello stopped doing this, things were seriously fucked. Anytime Mello stopped using his temper, bad things were about to come. 

“Jesus Matt…” the blond said and hid his face with his hands. All Matt saw in that moment, were hands and strands of blonde hair. He let out a sigh and decided to back out: “I gotta go… Roger is making controls of the rooms tonight…”

There was no answer, not even a movement from Mello. Matt decided not to wait for it and cut the connection without another word. 

When the monitor went blank, Mello finally lifted his head from his hands. There were tears in corners of his eyes and he hated it. He hated when he felt weak and his body was shoving it. He hated that he was still just a little boy and couldn't make a difference in anything. He hated that his father was mostly cold to him. And he hated that his beloved daddy put him into this position in the first place. 

Suddenly, Mello felt guilty about it all. He knew his dad was trying to be with him as much as he could but it still wasn't enough. He needed more of L's attention. He swallowed hard and he reminded himself, why he was doing it in the first place: he wanted to save his dad from Kira… and his daddy from his dad. 

It was all a shit really. 

_I should not be doing this! I am just a kid!_ His mind was yelling at him and he felt his anger growing inside his chest. Out of nowhere he roared and threw his laptop against the wall. 

The device shattered into pieces and Mello fell on his bed in tears, breathing hard and sobbing. 

He was unaware that his whole conversation with Matt was not entirely private and that his little brother left the door to the bathroom slightly opened, listening to every word. 


	23. You don't raise heroes, you raise sons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> Thank you so much for all the support you showed me in the previous chapter! I want to thank you with all my heart and so… I am bringing you an early update! Enjoy!

Soichiro Yagami was observing his son with worries in his eyes. Light was not concentrated on his work, he was constantly panting and yesterday, he even managed to break a porcelain cup. Right now, he was blankly staring into his computer,  _ reading  _ the same page for over an hour and his hand was reaching to the sugar-basin. Soichiro raised his eyebrow as he watched Light putting 5 cubes of sugar to his coffee. His eyes met with Mogi, who was watching the same scene a second ago. Mogi only shrugged, not letting the chief know what he was thinking about it, but it was kind of clear what was going on. And it must have been clear to everyone. Except perhaps Matsuda.

Light was extremely worried about Ryuzaki. 

His harsh behaviour towards Watari and KT two days ago showed that the boy was losing control of his own feelings. And his feelings… were obviously much more than just friendship for the man. 

His son was lovesick. 

It wasn't that much surprising, because Light was very thoughtful towards Ryuzaki for the past few weeks. All the cakes from the bakery and the way Light was always as close as possible to Ryuzaki, these things were a huge give away. 

Soichiro couldn't believe that his son was able to show affection this strongly. He thought he raised him to be in control of his feelings. It was making him uncomfortable. And apparently not only him, because he saw Aizawa clenching his fists when Light let out another long and loud sigh. 

_ Damn Light, we don't have time for this… _ Soichiro thought. And looked into his computer again. Kira started killing again. Not that he wasn't before, but yesterday, he exterminated half of the prison somewhere in France. So the taskforce was overwhelmed with work and Light wasn't helping a bit. He was even apathetic towards it. 

Soichiro bit into his own tongue and tried to focus on his work again. He failed to see any reason  _ why now _ . Why was Kira holding back before and striked now?! What was his motivation?

His eyes slid to his son again. He was resting his head in his hand and his eyes were focused on stirring sugar in his coffee. Soichiro frowned. The speed that his mind led him to his son being Kira and using the Death Note to let out his frustrations, was disturbing. 

_ No… that's ridiculous. Even Ryuzaki wouldn't think this way. Kira is cold and calculated, he is not using his emotions in any way.  _

Soichiro decided to pack it up for the night. He had enough of emotional Light, enough of Kira and enough of his own mind, whispering nonsense to him. 

* * *

  
  


L was not even able to cry anymore. He spent hours and hours looking at the ceiling, his mind was bank. How long was he gone from the task force? 24 hours? More? He didn't know. His mind and heart were full of pain and grief. Pain from the fact that he fell for his enemy, from the fact that he now carried his child, the child that was conceived during rape… and grief… grief because he couldnt make himself hate Light. The boy was Kira. The world's worst murderer ever. The boy was a rapist. And yet… he loved him. He loved him with all his being and somewhere deep inside he was smiling from ear to ear at the thought that he might have his baby… 

_ The real proof of our love… _ however ridiculous that thought was. 

_ No… _ L thought…  _ I can't fall for this baby… not yet.  _

He needed a plan. He needed to figure out how to move further from this point. He was trying hard but he couldn't bring his mind to come up with something. He was too tired to calculate. The baby was simply way out of the scenario. 

There was a quiet knock on the door. 

L lifted his head from his pillow. 

“Come in…” he said with a weak voice and watched as the door opened and white haired boy came into the room. He looked extremely pale in the light of the lamp.

“Hello Nate…” L greeted him silently.

“Hello father…” the boy answered and came closer to the bed, scanning him. L was pale and his eyes were puffy. The sight made Near feel uncomfortable. 

“Are you feeling alright?” the boy asked.

L gave a small nod: “Not great, but alright. Thank you.” 

There was a moment of silence, the man and the boy were staring at each other. After a moment L couldn't help but smile. Nate was so much like him.

“Would you like to join me here in bed?” 

Near nodded and climbed up to the queen size bed, sitting crossed legged and still watching dad with his big analytic eyes. L sat up and rested his back against the pillow: “What can I do for you young man?” 

“I would like to ask you for the Kira case files.” Near said, without blinking. 

L's eyes went impossibly wide. He was not expecting this. On the other hand, Near was expecting the question  _ Why? _ , so he answered before L was even able to word it:

“I would like to study the case and learn from it. I have a few of my own theories on Kira and I would like to know if I am meeting reality at some point.”

Now it was L's time to scan his son. But Near was not the one to lie and it was not so surprising that he had his own theories. L was actually surprised that Mello was not the first to ask him for the files. 

“Nate, do you realize this case is extremely dangerous and a top secret?” L asked and bit to his thumb.

The white head nodded calmly: “Of course father. But most of your cases til now were top secret and we got to study them anyway…”

“But this one is not closed yet…” L opposed, not feeling exactly comfortable with Near reading about his theory that Light is Kira. But the boy seemed determined to get what he wants: 

“And it might not be for years… still… I would like to study it and discuss my theories later with you.”

L frowned. He had no good reason to tell the boy no. And Nate was an analytic. Much like him. L knew that if his life in his teens went differently, if he wasn't able to carry a child, he would probably never get to know human emotions as well as he does, and he would end up as stoic, as his son, who was not yet stained by it.

“All right… I'll make Watari bring you the files. But only the official reports. Without my private notes. I want to know if you will come to the same conclusions as I did.”

Near smiled and looked satisfied. L smiled back at him. Then the boy's face fell again and for a moment, he looked like he was not sure what to do: “Father, do you think I could ask you for some money?”

L tilted his head. That was an even more unusual request. Near was not allowed off the tower and even if he was, he would not go anywhere by his free will.

“For what purpose?”

“I would like to buy a new laptop for Mello. It's his birthday tomorrow.”

L frowned. Sure Near wanted to get a present for his brother but it was highly improbable that he just wanted to buy him a new model: “What happened to his laptop?”

“The device tested the hardness of the wall.” The white head said calmly.

L was not sure if he should laugh or cry. It was cute how Near did not want to tell out loud that Mello threw his laptop against the wall, but he didn't want to lie either. On the other hand, the fact that Mello's outburst got this bad, made L nervous. He had to talk to him… finally. 

“Do you wish to choose the laptop yourself?” He asked his son.

Near nodded: “Yes, that would be nice.”

L smirked: “Allright, pick up what you think Mello will like and send the link to Watari. He will buy it and have it ready for the party tomorrow.”

“Thank you father.” 

Then L stood up and from the bed and took Near into his arms. The boy did not protest although, looked a bit surprised. 

“Allright, let's get you to your bed.” L said and carried the boy out the room. 

* * *

  
  


Sachiko Yagami heard the door open and she hurried from the kitchen to look, if her husband really came home.

“Soichiro… you are home soon dear. It's not even 7 yet!”

Chief took off his coat and shoes and let out a long and loud sigh: “I needed a little time off work. I need to think.”

“Did something happen?” Sachiko asked as he joined her in the kitchen and sat at the bar stool. He was frowning and his eyes were fixed at one point. Though he was obviously looking nowhere. 

Sachiko bit her lip: “Dear, is it just work, or something is going on with Light?”

Soichiro nodded slowly. He was not sure how to approach this topic. They never discussed this possibility openly although there were some signs in the past: “It's Light… he's... “ another moment of silence before the chief finally looked his wife in the eyes: “Sachiko… I think our son… might be gay.” 

Sachiko didn't look surprised. She only formed her lips into a small: “Oh” and started cutting carrots. 

Soichiro was shocked: “Doesn't it concern you?”

“No… why? Does it concern you?” She gave him a hard look. 

“No… yes… I mean… it makes a lot of sense considering some moments of his childhood.”

Sachiko laughed a little: “Like when he wanted to attend ballet lessons?” 

Soichiro hid his face with his hands: “Or when he said he is going to marry Kakizawa's boy…”

Saichiko stopped cutting vegetables and exhaled loudly: “Oh dear… that was something. And his face when you tried to explain to him that he can't…” 

“Hm… maybe I shouldn't do that. He closed himself to me after…”

Sachiko left the knife on the table and reached for her husband's hand: “It doesn't matter anymore my love. You can't change what's in the past. But you can focus on now and the future. So what about telling me what's going on? How did you figure it out?”

Soichiro frowned: “He is acting lovesick around our boss.”

“Your boss? Older man?” She was surprised. Light didn't mention that the colleague he was into was actually his boss. 

“Not that much older… he is actually twenty something… but he's our boss and double father. I dont think it's a good situation for Light.”

Again, Sachiko gasped for air: “So this man… he's… straight and married?”

“No… from what I know he's alone with the kids and his orientation is...you know… he's into both. But our son... falling for a man who already has a family on his own… I dont think its a good idea. He's young to be someone's father.”

That calmed her down a little. She was concerned for a moment that Light might try to destroy some marriage and she was supporting him with it: “On the other hand, when Light is gay, it might be the only way of him ever being a father.”

“Yes but still…” 

Her husband was frowning. It was time to get him on the right way of thinking: “Does your boss have feelings for our son?”

Soichiro shrugged: “That's what I don't know. Ryuzaki is not easy to read and he's not letting his emotions cloud his judgement.”

“Okay, let's suppose for a moment that he does. Would he be a good match for Light?”

Soichiro hesitated: “I suppose…”

She lifted her eyebrow: “You suppose? Okay what do I know about him? He's twenty something, already in the lead of much older detectives. So probably intelligent enough to catch Light's attention. He's a double father, obviously open about his sexuality but reasonable enough not to fool around Light when he has feelings for him.”

“If he has feelings for him…” Soichiro interrupted her. 

“I believe he has…”

“How can you know?” he frowned at her and when he saw the blush on her cheeks, it clicked: “Light told you something didn't he?”

Sachiko smiled innocently: “He might have mentioned…”

“Sachiko! Why didn't you tell me straight away?”

She only shrugged at his outburst: “I needed to know your opinion first! Now that I know you are okay with our son being a gay and in love with your boss I can tell you I think they might be a good match.”

“I didn't say I was okay with Light being in lo…” he stopped at that, realizing his wife just voiced his worst worries: “... oh damn he really loves him doesn't he?” 

Sachiko smiled: “Yes, I believe he does. And he is pretty desperate Ryuzaki doesn't want to let him close.”

Soichiro finally felt some relief: “That's reasonable of him. We are all working together and Light is making it very uncomfortable sometimes.”

Sachiko had to laugh at that thought. Her son trying to court someone might have been a curious sight to see: “He's in love and he wants the man's attention. Don't forget he's just a teenager after all.”

“Yes… and he's starting to act like one.” he husband folded his hands on his chest. 

Sachiko pushed her lips together, thinking: “Maybe it would be better if this... Ryuzaki admitted his feelings and let Light closer. Our son would get what he wanted and may start to focus on work again.”

“Sachiko! I don't want to think about such things! Thank you very much!” he raised his voice, disturbed by the suggestion. 

Sachiko rolled her eyes: “Oh dear, don't be prude! We were acting like horny teenagers too and we were much older than Light....”

Soichiro felt his face heating up: “Yes but we are… you know. Woman and a man.”

“Soichiro!” She yelled at him.

“I know! Sorry!” He knew he couldn't say such things. Especially, if he ever wanted to have sex with his wife again. 

* * *

L carried his little son all the way to his room and found himself smiling, when little Near was hiding his curly head into his neck. Near was probably not aware of that, but he was as touch-starved as any other kid at Wammy's. As L was when he was little. And L felt a shame about that. It was his fault. 

He slowly opened the door and found that the room was pitch black. Mello was probably already asleep. Which was weird because the boy was usually reading long into the night. So L lit up the lamp beside Near's bed and looked at Mello's bed. The boy was curled in a fetal position, his back to them and he was mostly hidden under the blanket. But it was clear that he wasn't sleeping. His chest was raising and falling under small and quiet sobs. 

L's eyes fell on the nightstand where the components of the laptop were lying, together with some equipment to repair it. Mello was probably trying to get the laptop working again and was failing at the task. 

L looked at Near who was watching the scene with the same worries as he did and a thumb in his mouth. Then the boy lifted his both hands in direction of Mello and L put the boy on Mello's bed. Mello stiffened under the blanket, when he felt weight on his bed, but he didn't say a thing. Near just moved the blanket, curled to Mello's back and let L to cover them again. 

Then L moved to the other side of the bed, sat on the floor and caressed the small head with golden hair. Mello had his face hidden in the pillow and started sobbing even harder when he felt his father's touch. 

Past two days were hard for him. Thanks to his outburst he lost his only way to contact Matt and he was pretty sure that the red-head will think he doesn't want to talk to him. But the truth was, he needed to talk to him. He was used to talking to him daily. Although Near tried to communicate with him, it was not the same. And dad didn't come to see him for two days, which made him feel guilty, separated and given to his task, also  _ a damn failure _ . 

“Do you think you have space for one more in your bed?” L suddenly asked. 

There was a moment of silence before Mello moved a little, with his face still hidden in his pillow. L laid down next to the boy, and carefully replaced the pillow with his own body. Mello tried to protest but then, he leaned into L's heat and hugged his chest. L pulled the boy closer, with one hand slowly caressing his teary cheeks and with the other reached to pet Near's hair. 

They were just lying like that, in silence, for several minutes. L was just breathing in the scent of his two boys and for a moment, felt completely in peace. For a first time after two days of desperate strategizing without results, he wasn't thinking about anything. 

“I'm sorry dad…” Mello said quietly into his chest, when he finally stopped crying.

L kissed the boy's head: “No baby, I am sorry. I know you wanted your friend here, but it is really dangerous. And I am very selfish to keep you here for myself.”

Mello didn't say a thing but shook his head in disapproval. It was Near who voiced his opinion openly: “I found myself very fortunate that you chose to be a selfish father.” 

L chuckled and leaned to kiss his head.

“I love you.” he told them without thinking and then he realized that he probably never did that before. Both boys curled even closer, when hearing that. 

L again realized how much of a failure he is as a parent. His boys needed him as much as he needed a father when he was growing up, and he was gone. He was chasing after criminals and running away from responsibility. Meanwhile the Wammy house was leading his sons to become his successors. Detectives. Heroes. But if he had the time, if he was really raising them, he wouldn't want them to be like that. He would want them to be just kids. He would want them to have water pistols and birthday parties with balloons and friends. But it was too late for that. Especially with the plan of Mello's birthday party tomorrow. 

L frowned. 

He messed up everything he could with his sons. Then why? Why should he be a parent again? Was it meant to be another chance for him? He almost started asking God for explanation. God he never believed in. 

As he was coming back into his room in the morning, he felt even worse than before. He realized he was unable to take care of himself, to take care of his sons and he was not in position to have another baby. No matter how much he loved Light and how much he liked the thought somewhere deep inside, it was not the right time. 

_ I cant fall for this baby… not until I am sure I will be able to save Light from himself.  _


	24. Birthday

“L, you can't stay here forever. You have to get up and stop sulking.” Watari told him, as he unfolded the curtains and let the daylight in the room. It was midday and the boy was still staying in complete darkness. 

L hid his face under the pillow and growled: “I am not feeling well Watari, let me be. The task force can be without me for a while.”

Watari rolled his eyes. L could be such a baby sometimes.

“Yes, but your son can not. Mello's birthday is today. We have everything prepared but I need to make sure you will be at least presentable for the party.”

L let out a long sigh that was mostly muted by the pillow on his head, but started getting up. He blinked a few times as his eyes were getting used to the light coming from the window and his eyes stopped at Watari, who was already sitting on his bed and giving him a glass of water and a pill.

L took the glass but hesitated with the pill: “What is that?”

“Pregnancy vitamins. You both need them.” 

L's eyes widened in shock and his mouth opened and closed. Watari raised an eyebrow on that: “Oh come on L, I experienced two your pregnancies. It wasn't that hard to figure out.”

L nodded and slowly took the vitamin pill, swallowed it and took a sip of water. Then he looked at Watari: “I guess you figured out sooner than I did.”

“That's not very surprising given the fact you have two cases, two children and two murderers in your head. I am focusing mostly on you.” Watari told him and gave him a plate with a very healthy looking dish.

L took the plate but placed it on the bed next to him, he had no appetite. He sat, hugging his legs and resting his head on his knees.

“I don't know what to do Watari.” he said, and felt like crying again. But he cried so much that he literally had no tears left. 

Watari sat closer to him and his arm went to L's shoulders protectively: “First, we have to make sure you and the baby are healthy. You will work less, rest more and eat better food. And I think we should get C here, to check on your progress.”

L shook his head: “No… not yet. He would want me to get back to England immediately and he would probably tie me up to the bed for the rest 8 months.”

Watari frowned: “But do you remember what he told you after Nate was born? About having another baby?”

L slowly nodded, very aware. Him getting pregnant again was very dangerous. Man's physiology was not constructed for this task and every pregnancy left some marks on his body and mind. It was somehow changing chemistry in his brain. C thought it would be easier for him if his physical condition was better but he was too thin and his lifestyle too odd. Simply said, the probability of him carrying the third child through the whole 9 months period was very low. And it will be dangerous for both of them.

“Give me time Watari, at least till the new year. There is a high possibility of misscaridge in the first month and maybe we will not need to call him here at all.”

Watari gasped: “L! What are you saying? You want to just sit and wait if you lose the baby or not?”

L shook his head, stood up and went to look out the window: “No… I just know my health condition Watari. And besides I am not even a month far. The body can still expel the fetus. We might be doing a lot of fuss for nothing.”

Watari stood up from the bed and raised his voice: “L! I don't like this talk! The poor little thing doesn't deserve such a treatment just because its father is Kira!” 

L turned to face him and looked desperate: “I am just standing with my feet on the ground Watari! I don't want to get attached to this baby before I know for sure I'll be having it!” 

“Oh my boy…” Watari let out a sigh.

L went to the wardrobe and took out a new white shirt and jeans. What he had up now smelled like crazy. Was he even bathing for the last three days?

“And besides… at least I will have time to figure out if this child would grow up in the world where Kira is the God, or Light is a father. Because I don't want to live to see both options happening at once.” 

Watari frowned and rubbed his mustache, thinking: “All right… I understand. So no C yet, we will wait a few weeks. I will monitor your condition as well as I can myself and I will get the equipment ready here, so we have everything when C arrives later…. But if everything will work out well, we will need you to abandon the case when you reach the first trimester. Then it would be very dangerous for you, the baby and not to mention the fact that someone might notice.”

L nodded and threw fresh clothes to the bathroom, where he was about to go when this discussion was over. Then he turned back to Watari: “I agree… that is why I have to solve the Kira case before I will get there.”

Watari frowned again: “L… we have been on this case for over a year… you really believe you can solve it in two months?” 

“I must Watari. I must.” L said and leaned against the bathroom door frame. 

Watari nodded: “Alright… maybe with KT's help we can speed it up somehow… but then there is the question of Beyond…”

L waved his hand in the air: “This question will be solved in a few weeks. I think I already know where and when he wants to meet. We will catch him there and it'll be over.”

Watari raised an eyebrow: “Now you are really being optimistic…” 

L brought his thumb to his lower lip and tilted his head slighty: “I am not optimistic. I am simply giving myself a goal…”

“So you already have a plan…”

L shook his head: “No… but I am about to get one…”

They were both silent for a moment. Then Watari let out a long sigh and headed to the door: “All right… I'll leave you to it. But please get back HQs and be ready for Mello's birthday in the evening.”

“Don't worry… I will.” L said and turned to the bathroom but then he realized something: “And Watari… KT can't know. Not yet...”

Watari stopped at the door frame and gave him a scolding look: “She is a clever girl, she might figure out…”

L shrugged: “She didn't til now… and I'll make sure she won't from now on.”

“As you wish L.”

* * *

  
  


As soon as L stepped into the HQs Light's arms were around him. He gasped in shock and his wide opened eyes flew over the rest of the task force. They were looking at them, but they were not looking surprised. While Light hugged him and was mumbling something about worrying about him, L's mind started running million directions a second. He realized 3 things:

  1. He made a big mistake leaving Light from his sight.
  2. This display of affection was not genuine - Light was playing it.
  3. That meant.... They were back in the game again. 



And all these three things together meant that Light got so pissed off, that L disappeared, that he went back to Kira. L felt like someone stabbed a knife to his heart. But there was not much time to think about it now. Light finally let go of him and L had to react to his questions:

“I feel better, Yagami-kun. No need to exaggerate. But thank you, for worrying about me.”

Light smiled at him but that smile was not genuine at all. L knew every single one of his smiles. And this one, belonged to Kira. 

_Shit… Does it mean???_

“Any news in our cases? I apologize for being absent for so long, but my body decided I've had enough.” 

“That's alright Ryuzaki! We are happy that you are feeling better now!” Matsuda told him enthusiastically from where he was sitting, next to KT. 

“That's true, welcome back Ryuzaki.” Chief Yagami told him and offered him a sincere smile.

“Thank you…” L said and then cleared his throat. He was not very comfortable with public shows of affection. “... So what's with the cases?” He asked again and headed to his computer.

“Ryuzaki… are you telling me that you didn't touch any work for the whole time?!” Light asked him and followed him. L sat down to his chair and turned on the computer. Then he looked at Light: “No, I did not. Why? Did I miss something important?”

There was a hint of something in Light's face. And L quickly realized it was fear. 

* * *

The moment when Light found out L doesn't know anything about the first Kira killing again, he realized he might have made a terrible mistake. Because if L was sick enough not to touch work for a few days, then his reading into his reasons was completely wrong. 

_Oh damn it! I should have been there for him! I should have taken care of him!_ One part of his personality was yelling. But then there was the other who was trying to keep him in line: _No… this is good. You would have to go back to Kira eventually. The sooner it happened the better. He has to deal with it somehow… at least you will know if the two of you have a future or not._

L didnt say a thing about the information that Kira started killing again but only turned his head to his computer and started reading reports that he missed. 

After two hours of work he ordered Watari to get him broccoli baked with cheese. 

The whole task force turned their heads to him but L didn't react. He started reading the case files again and not even half an hour later was stuffing himself with overly green dish. Light also didn't miss three tablets that came with it on the plate. L ate the food and took the tablets without questioning it. 

Light frowned.

_Something is going on with him… he is voluntarily eating vegetables and eating some pills. Something serious happened._

But he didn't have time to think about it because KT suddenly stood up from her chair and said: “Alright… time for the party. Does anyone feel like having a cake?”

L's hand immediately shot up. 

* * *

  
  


L sat on the sofa with his cake and he was looking at the scene before him. Everything went well. Mello got his own shooting range with a promise that the same one will grow back home (that was a gift from him), he got his own signature gun from KT (which will be stored by Watari until the boy turns 18), he got a new computer from Near, a five-tier chocolate cake from Watari and small gifts from the task force. Those gifts were bought by KT of course, because no one knew Mello better. 

At that moment, they were in the underground of the tower, where they built the shooting range with a small salon. The salon was behind the soundproof glass so L could eat his cake in peace and watch the task force having fun. KT insisted that they have to be there because it was a good way to bond with the team. Not that L cared. He only cared about his family and then… Light. But he admitted that the task force being there was not such a bad idea. Because they were all learning Mello how to shoot and the boy was in seventh heaven. It also turned out that Matsuda is probably the best shooter there. Much to everyone's surprise. 

So everyone, except Matsuda, KT, Mello and Light eventually retired to the salon to have a cake and a shot. Watari was happily serving them alcohol and at one point stopped by L:

“Legs down.” he said in half voice.  
L shot him a confused glance and Watari rolled his eyes: “You can't sit like that now L. At least for _a few_ months…” with that he left him alone again. 

L slowly showed his legs down from the sofa and sat like a normal human. It was weird. He didn't feel comfortable like this. But he couldn't sit like that when he was pregnant. It was bad for the baby. 

L's eyes went to Light again. He was standing at the shooting range with Matsuda, who was enthusiastically explaining to him how to aim the best. L smirked. Maybe the man was not a complete waste after all. Matsuda was running between Light and Mello and KT was supervising him. Light was left there alone again and tried to shoot the moving target but he was not much successful. He kept trying anyway. Again and again. 

L was not sure how to proceed next. He hoped that Light would simply wait until he came back but instead he obviously got pissed and ran back to being full time Kira. That was not good. It was bad even. L felt betrayed by it. But it happened and there was no point in overthinking it. The question was, how to snap him out of it. 

There was no way L was telling Light about the baby. For multiple reasons. But mainly because it was too soon and there was a real chance that the information might throw Light into overprotective mode and he might kill all the dangerously looking people on the planet. 

_Like the whole situation wasn't complicated enough before. It had to become delicate too._

L was chewing on his cake and realized he doesn't like it. He frowned and put the plate on the table. 

_Great… First I feel like eating broccoli and then I don't like chocolate cake. What's gonna be next?_ L thought and then turned to Light again. 

He needed a plan. He needed to make things faster. His original plan to distract Light was working to this point but it was not a permanent solution. And it would be hard to go back to it when he was killing again. There was always the option of confrontation but as L still had no evidence against him. So it would be painfully pointless and it would only make another hole into their already emental like looking relationship. 

_I could try to show him some affection and wait for his reaction…_

_No… he would only take it as forgiveness and he could think he will get away with it…_

_Oh wait… that's not a bad idea._

If Light didn't make any mistake while he was trying to woo L into a relationship, maybe he needed to do it the other way.

_If Light will think he has me, he might actually reveal himself intentionally and then…_

L frowned. 

_Then I would have to sue him, arrest him and send him to his death._

He rolled his eyes and his back fell deeper into the sofa. Because that was where it was heading the whole time, wasn't it? The chance that L will actually make Light change his mind was so small that he couldn't even voice it. 

_Shit… But I at least have to try!_

With that thought he stood up and headed to the shooting rage. He took soundproof headphones on and went to Mello first. The boy was enthusiastically showing him what he learned so far and L even decided to shoot with him. Mello was smiling from ear to ear when he won their little competition a few minutes later. But L let him win of course. L was always good at shooting. Although he hated it. It was too violent and too noisy for him. But he got through the whole training with Watari anyway. It was necessary. 

When Mello shifted his attention back to Matsuda, L turned to Light, who was standing a few meters away, aiming at his own targets. L came closer and was watching him from behind for a few moments. Then, when Light was refilling the pistol he made two steps and stood very close behind Light. Light aimed again but didn't shoot. He waited for L to correct his posture. L put his hands on Light's hips, slightly shifting them and then corrected the posture of Light's hand. Then he stepped away and let Light shoot. This time, the boy hit the moving target straight into the head. L smirked and Light turned around to face him. 

“Again” L mouthed because he knew Light couldn't hear him with the headphones on. But he understood and turned to aim again. But again, he intentionally waited for L to correct him. L came closer and this time, he pressed the front of his body to Light's rear. He could feel Light shiver and lean into his body. L corrected his posture again and quickly pressed his lips into the back of Light's neck, before stepping away. 

This time, Light missed the target completely. 

* * *

“Who do you think is a top?” Mogi suddenly asked while they were sitting at the salon bar and watching the shooting. Then he realized that chief Yagami was sitting there too and quickly glanced his way: “I... I... I didn't mean… I was talking about Matsuda and KT!”

Soichiro gave him a knowing look and adjusted his glass on his nose: “That was a ridiculous try to cover why you really were asking, don't you think?”

There was a moment of silence. Both Mogi and Aizawa were looking at the chief and waited for confirmation.

“Yes… I know… It's painfully obvious.” He said and took another shot of whiskey.

Both men let out the breath they didn't know they were holding. 

“Good… I was a little afraid you would be against something like that, boss.” Mogi said and took a sip of his beer. 

Soichiro shook his head: “I am not homophobic… although I must say I am not happy my son is acting light headed around Ryuzaki.”

Aizawa chucked: “Well right now Ryuzaki seems to be pretty light headed too.”

They turned to the scene again. Ryuzaki was helping Light with his posture and aiming but it was obvious that it was not the only thing going on.

“Hm… at least I know the feelings are mutual. I was a little worried Light is alone on this ship.”

Mogi laughed: “Definitely not boss. Ryuzaki is practically eating Light with his eyes for months. But he was holding on pretty well with showing it until now…” 

“What do you think changed?” Soichiro asked.

Both men shrugged and turned back to their drinks. There was a moment of silence before Mogi said: “I bet Ryuzaki is a top.”

Soichiro sent him a warning glance: “I don't want to think about it.”

Aizawa nodded: “Me neither… but I disagree. I bet Light is a top.”

They looked at each other.

Mogi smirked: “I accept. Ten thousand yen that Ryuzaki is a top.”

Aizawa shook his hand in confirmation. Chief Yagami only rolled his eyes. He thought it was clear that Light was a bottom but if Aizawa wanted to lose some money then what could he do?

* * *

  
  


Light thought the things that day couldn't be any stranger but he was apparently wrong. First L didnt say a thing about the first Kira killing again, then he ate broccoli, then he gave his son a shooting range as a gift for his 9th birthday and now, he voluntarily came to Light and started suggestively touching him. Not to mention the kiss on the back of his neck. 

Not that Light wasn't happy about it… it was just… strange. And Light found he had a pretty hard time aiming at the target with L this close. He had an urge to turn around and pull the man into a heated kiss. And he was really thinking about it, after L pressed their bodies together for the fourth time to help Light with his… aiming. But he decided against it and the main reason was Mello and Near. The rest of the task force was most probably already aware of their relationship but he was sure L's sons did not. And this was the only line he didn't want to cross without L. He had to be sure of him first, before they could tell his sons. 

But at that moment, it looked like L didn't even care. He came to Light again and pressed his nose into his hair, while correcting his posture again. But Light was very aware that L was breathing him in. It was like L suddenly needed him close. Like he needed to feel him. 

_What the hell happened to you?_

_What changed?_

Light was asking himself while he was shooting at the targets. He was still failing miserably at the task. But it was not surprising because L was hell of a distraction. 

_Is this your reaction to me being Kira again?_

_You don't mind? Is it actually turning you on?_

_Or is it just another part of the game?_

At that moment, Light wasn't sure about anything. He wanted to get some reaction from L, but this exceeded his wildest dreams. He was slowly getting aroused with every touch. Luckily before he could lose control of himself, little Mello stormed to them.

“You really are a waste Yagami, give it to me!” the boy yelled so loud that Light heard him even through the soundproof headphones. Mello indicted him to get the headphones off and started explaining to him the same things Matsuda did a few minutes ago. 

Light was watching the boy with interest and nodded to every information. But then suddenly, he felt a warm hand touching his own. It was only a second but Light knew it was L. He turned to him, but L was already gone, the door to the salon closed behind him. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LOOOL! I can't believe I finally wrote the shooting scene! xD It was actually one of the first I came up with when I started thinking about this story. I really enjoy how their roles are switched for a moment. xD Anyway… something big is coming in the next chapter! :O Love you guys, see you next week!


	25. The heir

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! WARNING - EROTIC IN THIS CHAPTER !!!

Three nights, three  _ amazing  _ dates. They had dinner together every night, they went dancing, they went to see a movie and they were talking for hours. They were hiding from the supporting agents when they were outside the building and they were kissing at almost every corner. Much to the annoyance of Japanese population. But they didn't care. 

KT felt like she was instantly floating in the air. She even found herself humming during work time, which ended up with very amused glances from their co-workers. But she didn't mind that much. She didn't want to medley their relationship with work but they ended up stealing glances and touches during the work time anyway. Not to mention the crazy make out sessions in the broom chamber at the breaks. But…  _ nothing  _ happened yet. 

KT was getting seriously frustrated about it. 

How many times a day was she changing her underwear because it was soaked through? 

She didn't know. But she seriously  _ needed  _ something to happen.

And the situation got almost unbearable when she saw him shooting. _ The concentration, the skill _ and those  _ damn long fingers _ gripping the gun were just too much to handle. 

Without thinking too much, she dragged him out of the shooting area, her fingers tangled with his. Her action was followed by loud laughter and cat calls from the task force. 

Did she care? 

_ No way…  _

L was already gone and the kids too. And these men were all aware of the situation anyway. So why couldn't she just take what she wanted? 

She dragged him through the corridors, to the elevator, she was kissing him, touching him, pushing herself into his body, just to make sure he would not escape her. And though Matsuda tried to say something a few times, KT cut him off with a kiss every time. 

When they got to her apartment, Matsuda had his shirt already unbuttoned and KT was pushing down his blazer. She never stopped kissing him and she was dragging him to the bedroom. 

The blazer was on the floor.

The shirt followed. 

KT stopped in front of the bed, her lips left Matsuda's lips only to kiss her way down his neck and his chest. She sucked on the left niple and felt him shiver.

“KT I…” he whispered, almost out of breath. He knew very well what she wanted. And he wanted it too. But somehow he felt it was a little too soon and he didn't want to screw up things by going in too quickly. He wanted to show her that he cared. That he didn't want her just for a one night stand. But It was damn hard when she was so hot and this horny. 

KT kneeled before him and started working on his belt while mouthing his length through his pants. He let out a groan and made a step back, while he was able to think.

“KT I am not sure if we should…” but that was all he managed to say before his mouth fell open to the ground. 

KT stood up from her previous position and with one movement untangled the bow on her shoulder and the dress she had on fell to the ground. She was standing before him, just in her carefully picked red underwear.

“You were saying?” she whispered with a tilted her head. 

Matsuda was looking her up and down and he was unable to think. For him she was like a goddess that came from heaven. She was thin, athletic but her breasts were certainly bigger than he thought. She was looking at him with lusty eyes and she was inviting him to… 

“Matsuda?” she whispered.

He swallowed hard, feeling how painfully hard he is: “Yes?”

“Would you be so kind and fuck me?” 

He probably said yes, when he was crossing the space between them and before he crushed their lips together. The primitive part of his brain took the lead and there was no more space for doubts. 

KT's heart was racing in her chest and her panties were soaked through again. She was not in the mood for some foreplay. They had enough of it for the last three days. While his hands were traveling her body, and taking down her bra, she managed to push down his trousers with his boxers. The only remaining piece of clothing between them were her panties. But KT didn't mind them. She just took him by the shoulders and threw him on her bed. 

Matsuda was panting hard as he was watching KT climbing on top of him, not taking her panties off, only pushing them from the way and without any hesitation lowering herself on his erection. 

Matsuda let out a grown as he felt her hot insides surrounding him. KT let out a sinful moan as she sat down on him. 

They stayed like that for a while, both panting and looking at each other with wide eyes. Matsuda suddenly felt the need to kiss her, so he lifted up and captured her lip. At the same time KT moved her hips against him and they both ended up moaning into the kiss. 

KT hugged him with her legs, to make sure she will have him as deep as possible. Then she brought hands to his hair, while still kissing him wildly. She was only making small movements with her hips, but it was enough with the level of her excitement. She felt him deep inside and every small move was sending waves of fire throughout her body. 

Matsuda knew he won't last long. Its been a while since he had sex and KT was a little too much to handle. He needed her to enjoy herself as much as possible, so he brought his hand between her legs and started stimulating her clit while she was fucking herself on his lenght. The movements of his fingers seemed to work wonders because she started moaning loud and high. She also speeded up with her movements which was bringing Matsuda to the edge very fast.

“KT… KT… I won't last… we dont have… we need a…” he tried to voice what was somewhere in the back of his mind. 

KT lowered her head to kiss him again and said: “No we don't.” before capturing his lips and speeding up again. Matsuda managed to break the kiss and he caught her hips to slow her a little: “But KT what about…”

She brought her mouth to his ear and whispered: “Come…”

Matsuda whimpered and his grip on her hips tightened even more.

“Come inside me…” she whispered again. 

That was enough for him. He grabbed her hips and he started moving with her. KT laughed when she saw him losing his mind and she speeded up her movements. She needed just a little more. Then he brought one of his hands to her clit again and started making large circles. 

She was almost there… she just needed one thing:

“Fill me up Touta.” she whispered and he immediately came, shooting his load deep within her. 

The delicate convulsions in his dick brought KT over the edge and she felt how powerful orgasm is taking over her body.

“Ah..ah..AAAA!” She screamed and completely lost herself in the feeling. 

After a minute of hard panting into his neck, she felt that he was slowly laying down, bringing her with him. KT layed on top of him, her head next to his, their groins still linked together. 

Matsuda turned his head to look at her. She was a mess. Her dark hair was everywhere, partly hiding her face, her cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen. But she smiled at him and her eyes sparkled. He never saw anything this beautiful. Never in his entire life. 

* * *

  
  


Matsuda was up early the next morning. Sun was already shining through the curtains and he was watching KT sleep. She was laying on her stomach, tangled in the white sheets, her back bare and she had a small smile on her lips. 

Matsuda was smiling too. He couldn't believe he had this woman in his bed… or technically, that he was in her bed. She was beautiful, brave, bold, dangerous and yet kind, sincere and protective. There were a few women in his life but he could never ever stand a chance with a woman like this before. He couldn't help but wonder what changed. If it was him or KT simply saw something in him that others didn't. 

_ Or maybe she is really taking it as entertainment. She said she is into casual sex… _

Matsuda shook his head. 

_ No, I can't be thinking about that.  _

He was trying really hard not to jump into bed with her right away but it turned out to be impossible. 

_ God, I just hope it wasn't a mistake this soon… _

Matsuda had a few bad experiences when it came to love and sex. His first ever love was also beautiful and way out of his league. She was with him only to humiliate him, which ended with his first sex watched by the whole school on the video tape. The next girl he was with, was not a beauty but he liked her very much. Problem was that she was way too intelligent for him and sometimes he really felt like an idiot. She rather went to study at a university in the USA, so she didn't have to break up with him and tell him the truth. The last girl was his biggest mistake. She was again out of his league. From a very high-ranking family, not exactly clever, so he didn't feel like an idiot all the time. He got her a police badge. Back then, he tried to push his limits and act careless and cool, which ended up with sex after the third date. But he also realized he can't act like that because he wasn't himself. So he broke up with her, because he was sure she wouldn't want to be with a mug like he is. Maybe he was wrong, because she was furious and she thought he only used her for sex. Which also ended up with him, getting a bullet to his ass from her father. But he was lucky it was only his ass. It could have ended much worse. 

So all these experiences together led him to an honest confusion. He really didn't understand why KT was so much into him. She was everything he could ever dream of and he was just… well he was just him. It was all too good to be true. He was afraid that if he made one wrong move, she would disappear. 

It was like a dream. 

It felt like she… like _ she loved him _ . 

He knew it was a little too soon for something like that from her side. But he was  _ in love _ almost instantly when he met her. And the more he got to know her, the more fascinated by this woman he was. 

He outstretched his hand and took a hair look out of her face. She shifted a little. 

_ Now it all matters how she will act like when she wakes up... _ He thought and dread the moment. He didn't want to lose this beautiful peaceful sight. And he also hoped that last night wasn't the last. Because  _ God  _ it was amazing. 

_ She is so wild... _

Matsuda smirked. She only let him top once. Out for four rounds. 

He was getting aroused again when thinking about all the things they did last night. Most of all, he enjoyed having sex without a condom. It was so much more enjoyable like that. When she said last night that she wants him to come inside her, he thought he would lose his mind. He wondered for a moment if she wanted to get pregnant, but he realized she was surely on pills.

_ She doesn't want to get a child with me this fast, right? _

_ Not that I would mind… _

_ Oh my God, our kid would be beautiful…  _

He got caught up in a fantasy of the two of them walking a child to school, helping them with homework and living a normal life. She would be home with a kid, she would cook….  _ I wonder if she can cook…would we live in Japan or England? It doesn't really matter, but it will be nice that the kid will know both languages from a young age. I am sure the kid will be as beautiful as she is… yes… a daughter would be great. She would be cute with her big blue eyes. Or maybe she could get my eyes? And KT's beautiful face. Yes, that's it! A little heir of me and KT! That would be perfect.  _

Matsuda was staring at the ceiling, imagining all these things, while grinning like an idiot. He didn't even notice that KT had woken up and she was watching him from the side. 

Last night was amazing. KT couldn't believe just how they fit together. And also how  _ damn good  _ this man was with his fingers. She would never expect him to be much experienced but apparently, she was wrong. He just needed to work a little on his stamina, but that was understandable. KT was more than willing helping him with a practice. She smirked. 

_ Maybe we could start immediately.  _

She shifted and cuddled into his body. Matsuda stiffed for a moment, but when he felt she hugged him and hid her head into his neck, he immediately relaxed. 

“What are you thinking about?” She whispered against his skin. 

Matsuda chuckled nervously: “Oh… nothing I was just…” he didn't finish the sentence.

That caught KT attention and she lifted on her elbow, watching him. His cheeks were flushed with light pink color. She raised an eyebrow and her hand found his half hard erection under the blanket. 

She smirked: “Were you thinking about something nice?” she asked and started slowly stroking him. 

“Eee...Aaa…” he only let out and felt the excitement growing inside him. Not that he could tell her he was thinking about them having sex every night for the rest of their lives and raising children together…

KT disappeared under the blanket. 

Matsuda's heartbeat doubled when he realized what was coming. Then her lips captured his growing erection and all the thoughts and worries were gone again. 

* * *

  
  


Mello was running. Well he was not really, because he couldn't afford to look suspicious, but he was crossing the corridors as fast as he could and his heart was beating like crazy in his chest. He couldn't believe what he had in his hands. The little package he was holding might be a way from his misery. 

Not even 10 minutes ago, his Aikido lesson ended. And his teacher gave him a small package with a birthday gift. Mello was surprised, because he could swear his dad would never give their birthdays away. But as the teacher was looking at him with a piercing sight and said: “You should open it somewhere in private.” Mello realized it wasn't a gift from a teacher… it was from his daddy.

Mello bursted into their room only to find out Near wasn't there. 

“Near? Are you here?” he asked and went to check the bathroom. But his little brother was nowhere to be found. Mello quickly locked the door to the bathroom behind him, sat on the floor and started unwrapping the package. He knew he could do it there. Because a few days ago, when dad was searching for Near, he searched the bathroom first. That meant there were no cameras there. 

As he unwrapped the paper he found himself looking at leather. 

_ What?  _ He frowned and took it in his hands. 

It turned out to be a leather vest without sleeves. Mello gasped. It was exactly what he would want if things were different but now? He expected something else… a way to communicate with his daddy or something like that. At that moment, he took the second piece of leather, with a suspicion it will be pants and something hard hit the floor under. 

_ A phone! _

Mello stopped breathing for a moment. He quickly took the phone in his hands and found out it was turned on. He searched the contacts because he was expecting to find a number to call but there was nothing. 

Mello almost let go of the phone when it started vibrating in his hands. His hands were sweating and trembling. But he managed to answer the call.

“Yes?”

_ “Can you speak freely?”  _ A voice on the other side asked. 

Mello started crying immediately and let his back lean against the cold bathroom wall.

“Daddy… daddy I miss you! I was worried something happened to you!”

_ “Hush Melly-bean… everything is OK. All went according to the plan. I needed to wait a little until Watari got used to the teacher. He did not check his bag for the last two lessons. So it was safe to send you the phone and present now. Speaking of which, happy birthday baby! How do you like the vest and the pants?” _

Mello chuckled: “They are great but if dad finds them I am dead.”

_ “Yeah… it's not like you can really wear it there, but once you are back in England and L is out for some case, you can do what you want.”  _ Beyond told him with a cocky expression. 

Mello hesitated for a moment: “But you will be there with me right daddy?”

_ “It's not that easy honey…” _ Beyond let out a sigh, before collecting himself:  _ “Mello listen… I know I put you into a very bad position and trust me I am not happy about it, but I need you to do something for me...” _

“I have the Kira case files.” Mello cut him off.

There was a pregnant pause. 

_ “You do?” _

Mello smirked, pleased with himself: “Yes… I am not stupid. It was not that hard to figure out.”

_ “I am impressed, detective Mello. How did you manage?” _

“I hacked into the computer of aunt KT with my friend and we downloaded the files… but dad… the files are compressed and passworded. We don't know how to get through it.”

There was a moment of silence on the other side of the line. 

_ “You say you downloaded files from aunt KT?” _

“Yes…” Mello replied. 

_ “That shouldn't be a problem for me… Mello, look into the back pocket of those leather pants.” _

Mello did as he was told: “There is a flash disk.”

_ “Yes. Get the files on it and give it to your Aikido teacher. But be cautious. You can't get caught.” _

“I understand.” Mello nodded. 

_ “Thank you Mihael. I am very proud of you.” _

Mello smiled and bit his lower lip: “Daddy?”

_ “Yeah baby?” _

“Will everything… be okay?” The blonde asked with hesitation.

_ “Yeah honey… everything will be okay. We will get rid of Kira, save your mommy and everything will be okay.” _

Mello chuckled: “Dad would kill you if he heard you calling him  _ mommy _ .”

_ “Still better than the mummy… which is sometimes even more accurate.”  _ Beyond joked.

Mello laughed. He loved his father's humor. 

_ “Listen Melly-bean, I have to go. You have to hide this phone, so no one knows about it. I will call you again in a few days alright?” _

“Can I call you?” Mello asked, full of hopes. 

_ “No baby. The phone is blocked for outgoing calls. Only I can call you. But don't worry. Just check the phone every 3 days around 9 PM okay?” _

“Okay…” the boy said, but felt sad about it. 

_ “I miss you Melly-bean.” _

“I miss you too daddy.”

_ “Kiss Near and your mommy from me okay?” _

“I won't… I am not a girl!” Mello said boldly. 

Beyond chuckled on the other side:  _ “Alright alright! Good night baby!” _

“Goodnight daddy!” 

* * *

  
  


Beyond ended the call and rested his forehead against the wall. It was nicely cold and smelled with mold. He was hidden in a cheap flat in Tokyo for a few days already. From the moment KT bursted into the house in Osaka. Beyond never expected L to figure out he was there, but KT was a little bit different. And she was definitely after him because he hurt her brother. He knew he was playing a very dangerous game right now. Because if Mello makes a small mistake, his whole plan will be doomed. 

“You are so sweet on your little heir.” The shinigami told him and BB lifted his head from the wall. He moved to the kitchen to eat something while saying: “Maybe you should take an example from me…”

The shinigami followed him, floating in the air: “Should that be some allusion about you missing a fatherly affection from my side?”

BB choked on the Coke he was just drinking and had to spill it into the sink. After that he waved his hand in the air: “That's a disgusting idea. Forget about it.”

Shinigami looked confused by that: “You are ungrateful,  _ son _ . You got eyes of the Shinigami King after me. Soon enough you will also have a kingdom. What more could you want?”

BB hit his fist into the table. He  _ hated  _ being reminded of this shit! 

“I don't know?! A mother? A childhood? A future? A choice?!” He yelled at the Shinigami King. But the old skeleton looked untouched as always: “I gave you a choice. Twice. It's not my problem that you made a wrong one.”

BB opened and closed his mouth: “A choice? You gave me a fucking killer notebook and announced yourself the King of Gods of death and  _ ME  _ your heir. Where the fuck is a choice in that?” 

The Shinigami looked amused by Beyond's emotional outburst: “If you tried the notebook yourself, your friend wouldn't die. A wrong choice from your side.”

BB decided he needed something stronger than a Coke for a discussion like that and he pulled a bottle of Vodka from the cupboard. He took a shot and then finally decided to answer: 

“Yes. Because I decided I don't want to risk the notebook being real I made the wrong choice. Maybe if you decided to appear before A tested it, I would make a different choice!”

“Unimportant details.” 

“Unimportant details? My friend died! If you were really my father it wouldn't be unimportant!”

Shinigami King only waved his hand in the air: “Bonds between human beings? Unimportant. Love? Unimportant. It will all come in vain anyway. There is nothing after death. The only eternity above this world is in the realm of Shinigami. The realm you choose to go to.”

BB chuckled: “Yes… another choice without a choice.”

“You had a choice. You could die by the hands of Kira and vanished. But you choose eternity instead. So don't try to tell me you are better than any other human. I've seen you killing, Beyond Birthday. I know you liked it. You will become a Shinigami after you die. And in a thousand years, when even I will vanish and you will rule the Shinigami realm on your own, you won't remember any of your ridiculous feelings. Because death is the only thing that remains.”

BB was looking at his hands. They were shaking. It was like the reality of what was going on was finally getting to him. He felt anxiety spreading through his chest. In just a month this body will be dead, buried and will start rotting. But he will not find his peace. He will be trapped in a new body, hideous body and his only job will be taking lives from the people. He could have chosen death. He could have been dead for almost a year already. But he couldn't. He had a job to do. 

He needed to save L from Kira. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW THIS… IS WHAT I CALL A COMEBACK!  
> Did you miss me? :P


	26. Hide and seek

Things were strange between them. In the week that followed Mello's birthday, Light didn't get a chance to speak with L privately and he was getting more confused every day. While L was still acting like a coldass detective towards everyone, something was different in L's approach towards him. Because he stopped pushing Light away. Not that he would show some affection openly, but he started leaning into Light's touches, whenever Light made some effort to get into L's personal space. Light was not sure what happened that caused this change. But it was surely something during the time L was gone almost a week ago. 

It probably wasn't a reaction to him being Kira again. So it had to be something else. Light was seriously worried about L's health condition. The detective was changing his daily menu and the number of pills on his plate was slowly increasing. Light needed to talk to L alone. But he didn't have a chance to get to him. L was not spending so much time in HQs anymore, which was also frustrating. There were even moments, when Light felt like KT was more in charge of the task force then L. 

_ KT is a problem. She is definitely watching me. She definitely knows…. and she is practically untouchable. Everything she cares about is inside this building… so if something happens to her family or Matsuda… I will be first on her list.  _

She was really pissing Light off. It didn't seem that she was making much effort to really catch Beyond Birthday. She was just waiting for him to finish his deathly message, just like everyone else. Light needed to do something about this on his own. 

He  _ needed  _ Birthday's real name. 

Maybe L knew it, but maybe not. On the first briefing about Birthday a few weeks ago, L was surprised himself that the man was alive. Which meant he only knew him under the name Beyond Birthday. Or he was lying about that and he didn't want to reveal the real name in front of Light. Which would be understandable. He couldn't ask L about that. But there might be someone else he could ask… it was worth a shot. 

* * *

Near was studying the Kira case for more than a week now. In his free time, in every single second he could spare outside his school duty. But also out of Mello's sight. Near wasn't sure what Mello was really up to. But the fact that he obviously obtained Kira case files on his own, without their father knowing, meant that it was something secret and on the edge. But Near also knew Mello was not the one to make idiotic moves without a good reason. That's why Near kept the information for himself and decided to study the Kira case. He was sure the answer lies there. There was something Mello wanted to find in those files without father knowing. And Near was determined to find out before confronting Mello or telling father. 

_ There is always a possibility that he just wants to solve the case himself and get father's attention… _ Near thought. _ That would also make sense.  _

Near was actually happy that Mello didn't really read those files. Because if his older brother found out that the main suspect was Light Yagami, he might do something very stupid. Like poisoning Light's coffee, just to have the case finally closed. 

Near wasn't surprised that the case had over 4000 files but he was surprised that it was written all in Japanese. And Near was still learning the language. So getting through it all took him much longer than anticipated. Some nights he had to simply admit to himself that it was a little too much to handle for a five year old and he went to sleep with a terrible headache. But he was not going to give up. 

Right now, he was reading about Yagami's and Amane's time under surveillance. Up till now, everything in the investigation seemed logical. All the steps his father did he would do the same. All the conclusions his father came with, Near would come with the same. But something was clearly out of order there. There was something that was slipping through L's fingers. 

_ That or… Yagami is actually innocent.  _

Near checked the clock on the wall and closed another case file. More reading had to wait. There was a suspect he needed to observe from very close proximity. 

* * *

  
  


They played Shogi together two times in the past week. Every time, little Near came into HQs and demanded Light's time and attention. Light happily obeyd. It was his chance to get a little closer to L, while L was not even there. Light used their time together to ask Near questions about his childhood, his brother or L. Near was happily telling him about his collection of robots, about their house or about Mello's love for chocolate. But he never actually said anything, that could really reveal their house position, or that could lead Light to finding out their family name. Light was not sure if it was intentional or not. It seemed intentional. But it was hard to believe that someone could manipulate a child of five into talking into riddles like this. But Light was sure the following conversation will help him to find out. 

“Near… I was wondering if you could help me with something.” he said, while moving a figure on the board. 

“I am listening...” Near said, while thinking about his next move.

Light took out a photo from his breast pocket and unwrapped it. Just looking at it was causing him pain. It was a photo of L, Beyond Birthday, Mello and Near that KT brought from house in Osaka. They looked like a happy young family. But Near's age on this photo was off… Light didnt realize it the first time, but when he took it from the evidence today, he realized that Near is only a few months old in the photo. Which meant that Birthday and L must have gotten together very soon after the boy was born. 

_ But where was his mother then? _

This question was bothering him the whole day. But it was not his main task. He needed to know something else. 

“Near… do you know who that man is?” Light asked and put the photo on a playing board.

Seeing a photo of their family out of their house was something Near did not expect. He took a photo to his hands and examined it. He didn't know this one. There were many family photos in their house but... they were never all four of them on those. So Near was genuinely surprised by this photo and by how happy everyone looked there. Where Light Yagami obtained this photo was a mystery to him. 

“Yes, I do.” Near said put the photo back on the board. 

“Your dad and that man… were together… right?” Light asked and tried to stay as calm as possible, but he was dying to know everything the boy could tell him. He figured out that Near was surprised to see the photo, but it didn't seem like it evoked any emotions in him. 

“Yes, that is correct.” Near said and moved his figure on the board.

“Do you remember him?” 

Near slowly shook his head. “No… I don't. I was very small when he left. Why are you asking?”

Light leaned closer over the board: “I shouldn't be probably telling you this but this man is… he did bad things and he is currently on a run. We are trying to catch him but I am afraid that your father and aunt are not objective in this investigation.”

Near tilted his head slightly: “I see… so you want me to tell you what I know about him, so you can find him.”

Light smiled: “That would be very helpful.”

“I am afraid I must disappoint you… Light. I remember very little of their period together.” Near said and he didn't lie. He really didn't remember his own father. He knew him only from photographs and Mello's storytelling. 

“Oh… there must be something you remember… I don't know….like … a nickname he could be operating under? Or something like that?” 

That was an important moment for Near. From the Kira case files he already knew that Kira needs a name and a face to kill. Light had Beyond Birthday's face. Now he needed a name. But it was also unlikely that he didn't already know his name. Because from what L said a year ago, their father was murdered by Kira.

_ So Light has to know his name already… but that name is not working for some reason. Wait… is he trying to figure out a different name? But father doesn't have any other name so that could mean… Kira can't kill him. For some reason, Kira can't kill him! _

“Well father was calling him BB.” Near said innocently and he had an urge to smirk. But he managed to suppress it. 

“And that's a short for?”

“Beyond Birthday.” He said and watched as a lightning of anger flashed in Light's eyes. 

_ Got you… _ Near thought. 

Light couldn't suppress the urge to frown. He probably shouldn't be surprised that the boy didn't know. He was indeed little in that photo and if Beyond Birthday was the name that  _ the bastard  _ was using regularly, there was no way he could find out the real name…. but… Light could still ask Near about the other thing that was drilling in his head: 

“Near… may I ask you one more thing?”

“You can try…” the boy said and put his head on his knee. 

“You seem to be very young in this picture. No more than 3 months old… but if your father was with Beyond Birthday in that time… what about your mother?”

That was really a tricky question to answer right and Near wasn't exactly ready for it. He couldn't say that there was no mother. For a moment he wanted to say that he was actually brought onto the world by a surrogate mother to be a successor of L, but that would deny L's official version. So Near decided to tell the lie… which was actually also true.

“I never met my mother. And my father never talks about her. So I don't know how to answer your question.” Near said with a level of sadness in his voice. Big enough to say Near was not happy about the question but not great enough for him to realize, he was playing it. And Light fell for it. 

“I see… that must be hard. I am sorry I shouldn't have asked.” Light said and shoved the photo back into his pocket. He shifted his attention back to the game and they were silent for a few minutes. Before Near spoke up again: 

“Will you also allow me a question, Light?” the boy was scanning Light with a piercing sight. 

“Ofcourse…” Light said with a soft smile. 

“Why do you want to find Beyond Birthday on your own? I understand why you think my father and aunt have prejudices, but I don't understand why it is your concern.”

Light opened and closed his mouth. He didn't not expect the boy to notice so fast. But he was L's son after all. And because he was a lot like his father, there was no point trying to deny something: 

“I want to bring him to justice… and make sure he will not hurt your father, your brother or... you.”

“You like us so much?” Near asked with an innocent childish smile, but his mind already knew the answer. This was the second time Light Yagami made a comment about keeping his father safe. It was getting clear what was going on. 

Light smiled back: “Your father is very dear to me and you… you and your brother are part of him.”

“I see…” Near said and turned his head back to the game board. His theory was confirmed and he had a lot to think about now. But still… he felt like he should finish the conversation: “I like you too.” 

* * *

There was a knock on the door and then the door opened without the person waiting for invitation.

“Hello!” KT greeted the old man and only her head was looking inside the room, while the rest of the body was waiting outside. She was smiling wide.

Watari smiled back at her: “Good evening, my dear, come in.”

KT stepped into Watari's office and started talking: “Tomorrow our Christmas tree will arrive! I wanted to discuss with you, where to place it. It is almost 3 meters high.” 

Watari chuckled at her enthusiasm. She looked really happy. He didn't remember seeing her shiny like this for a long long time. Even her dress were more colorful than normally. Relationship with Mr. Matsuda was obviously doing miracles with her.

“Well I guess you don't want to celebrate christmas in HQs?” Watari asked. 

“No, I dont. You are right as always.” She smiled at him and threw herself onto a sofa.

“In that case, we need to find a way how to get the tree into the highest floor.” Watari said and moved from his monitors to a comfy chair. 

“Why there?” She frowned. 

“There is a flat with an amazing view L wanted to keep empty. There is one spot there, with a ceiling almost 4 meters high.” 

KT's eyes shone with excitement and she immediately got on her feet: “Amazing! Can I get keys please? I wanna check it and think about the decoration.”

“Of course, but what about having a coffee with your old man first?” Watari asked her and gave her an amused look. She really looked full of energy and happiness. 

“Of course! Sure!” She said smiling. 

Watari wanted to stand up to make them a coffee but KT was faster.

“No! You stay where you are. I will make it myself.” she said and headed to the coffee machine. 

“Thank you my, dear.” 

Watari watched her dancing next to the coffee machine and humming. It was amazing seeing KT like this. 

_ God knows the girl got through too much.  _ He thought. 

After two minutes KT was back with two coffees and they were both just sitting in silence and sipping on their coffees. 

“So… is there something you wanted to talk about? Or you just wanted to enjoy my company?” She asked and winked. 

“I wanted to enjoy your company of course. Because for the last week and a half, you are neglecting me, my dear.” Watari said and gave her a knowing look through his glasses. 

KT bit her lower lip and Watari saw the light pink color spreading through her face.

“I… I am sorry Watari. I had a lot of work and…”

The old man chuckled: “Work you say? Do you realize I am watching cameras in the tower corridors?”

KT opened and closed her mouth. Of course she  _ knew _ but she didn't think Watari would confront her about that… 

“I… I just… it's nothing, Watari. I just need to relax a little.” she stuttered and her eyes were fixed in her cup. 

“Nothing you say? Well that's a pity.” Watari said with disappointment in his voice, but there was amusement as well. 

KT frowned, not sure what he meant by that. But he explained himself: 

“Because Matsuda-san is a good man. He is kind hearted, devoted and he is not calculated. If it wasn't nothing… as you implied… I would say that I am happy for you.”

KT bit her lower lip and smiled a little: “You… you are?”

Watari nodded: “Yes my dear… I think he might be the right man for you.”

KT blushed and looked into her coffee again. She was not sure what to say. Watari surely knew she was lying about  _ them being nothing _ but…It was too soon to give their relationship a name. Or she didn't know how to put it all in words. But in the end there were no worlds needed. KT abruptly stood up, leaned across the table and hugged Watari tightly.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!” She said and she was smiling from ear to ear.

Watari was very surprised by her spontaneous behaviour, but he hugged her back. When she finally came back to her seat, they had both teary eyes.

“You deserve to be happy, K. You and your brother as well.”

* * *

L was not sure how to act. For the first time in his damn life. 

It was all much easier with BB, back then, in LA. Because L just wanted him to come back home, to him and their kids and he wore his heart on a sleeve. Even in the moment, when it looked like BB was going to kill him, L pleaded him to stop and come back home. He was willing to forgive his murders. He was willing to risk his detective reputation just to save his family. But it didn't work. B almost killed both of them, he wounded KT and poisoned Watari. 

L could swear his heart frozen back then. BB was his first love. And no matter how much you want, you never forget your first love. Not to mention that he had two little teddy bears to remind him of BB every day. 

It was different now, with Light. 

From the moment L realized he fell for Light, he was doing his best to look indifferent. Because he figured that letting out one's feelings is dangerous and also because he knew Light was Kira. No matter what was happening between them, he needed to have the upper hand. It might have worked on the outside, but it wasn't helping him much on the inside. Because what L felt for Light was… it was so unbelievably strong that L sometimes felt like he was drowning in it. And sometimes he feared that it was actually the strength of Kira's personality, that is holding his heart so tightly. 

_ But no… that's not it.  _ He thought.

L loved Light. He loved his smile, he loved his kisses, he loved his sweet whispers, his hands in his hair, his fingers caressing his skin. He loved his intelligence, his calculativeness and also… yes, also his Kira part. Because these all things were what made Light… Light. 

L knew how dangerous this was. 

Because if Light realizes he actually has the upper hand, it might ended badly for the whole world. But for the last week, L was getting tired of fighting his feelings. He knew it was mostly because his hormones were getting the worst of him, but he was barely holding on. He just wanted to run to Light's arms and stay there until the end of the world. He needed to be held, he needed to sleep in Light's embrace. Feel his gentle touch on his still flat belly. He needed all the love and protection he knew he couldn't have. 

And above all… Kira was killing again. 

L knew it was Light. All the killings in before were probably Misa Amane but now, Light had the Death note. Which also meant it was probably in the building. It would be easy to get Light out of the tower for a few hours and search his room but… L couldn't find the courage to do that. He was still holding on to the hope that he would somehow persuade Light to stop. Although, it seemed more like a dream every day. 

So L… didn't know how to act. For the first time in his damn life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,   
> sorry its taking me so long to update but... this story is actually coming to its peak and I am a bit stressed about it. I am re-reading my every word 6 times to make sure not to make a mistake that could spoil the storm that is coming.   
> So thank you for your patience and thank you for being with me on this journey.   
> Jess.


	27. Nightmare before Christmas

“Although Beyond's message is not complete yet, thanks to the list of events Yagami-kun made, we were able to decipher where and when he wants to meet.” L started explaining, when he was leading the morning meeting after a few days: “The New Years celebration by Zojo-ji temple. It is the place that fits the unfinished coordinates we have till now, and according to the tempo the dead bodies are appearing now, it is most probable that he will finish his message after Christmas… and then…”

“Then the only possible event going on these coordinates is the New Years countdown.” Light finished instead of L. 

“Yes. Exactly.” L nodded. 

“So what's the plan Ryuzaki?” Matsuda asked full of enthusiasm that something is finally going on. 

L showed his hands in his pockets: “Right now we have to obtain as much as possible information about the event. Once we know what we are working with I will try to predict Beyond's movements. I know him best after all. Then I will come up with a plan.” 

Chief Yagami frowned: “It is a big event… there will be thousands of people. It will be extremely hard to guard such an occurrence. We will need cooperation from the police.” Chief Yagami told him. 

L nodded: “I am aware of that. Watari already contacted the chief of the police. But I believe that together with them and my agents, we will be able to catch Beyond Birthday.”

“Yes! And then we will catch Kira together, right Ryuzaki?!” Matsuda asked happily with an expression of a five years old and all the eyes were at him on the instant. Most of the task force had their eyebrows high in their foreheads, but KT was fighting laughter at his genuine expression of thrill. She didn't find it ridiculous but just very funny and refreshing. 

L decided to let it go for this time, because he really didn't have the energy to tell Matsuda that he is an idiot: “Right… as for the next few days. It's Christmas. I want everyone to go home, enjoy time with their families and come back to HQs after. I need you all with clear minds.”

Light opened and closed his mouth: “Ryuzaki, do you think it is a good idea? Right now we should be preparing…”

L cut him off: “Me and KT will be working on that during Christmas time, Yagami-kun, there is no need to worry.” 

“I would like to stay too.” Matsuda said: “My family is at my sisters place this year and I already told them I won't be coming. So I can help you, Ryuzaki.”

L nodded. He wasn't happy about it, because he really needed a break from everyone but he couldn't just kick him out. 

_ Or can I? When did I become this soft? _ L asked himself. 

“In that case, I am staying too.” Light said. Just as L was expecting. 

“Yagami-kun, you should go home and see your family. You were not home for almost a month, if I count right.”

Light crossed his hands on his chest: “It doesn't matter. This is not the right time to have holidays. I will stay and help you.” 

“Fine… if you wish to stay, then stay. It's not like I can change your mind anyway…”

Light raised an eyebrow. That was not very L like. Normally he would argue and make Light leave anyway. Or try to use his father to persuade him. And it was a little weird itself that his father wasn't saying a thing. 

“Ryuzaki and what about the Kira case?” Aizawa asked. 

“Yes… the reason we are all here…” L said and sat down into his chair. “...I must admit I am a bit lost. You all know that my prime suspect was Yagami-kun and as there is no evidence against him, I have no other theories. Especially right now, when the Kira killings went back to its original pattern.”

“So you are doing what exactly? Giving up?” Aizawa narrowed and his voice got a bit harsher. But it didn't seem to touch L at all. As it never did: 

“No Aizawa-san… I can't afford that. I am simply waiting.”

“Waiting for what? Kira making a mistake? Giving you a clue? Or to die of age?”

“I think it's not necessary using this tone Aizawa-san…” Matsuda started and wanted to ease the atmosphere but Aizawa cut him off: 

“No… I want Ryuzaki to listen… I have no idea what is going on here, but it is clear that Ryuzaki is losing interest in the Kira case.” Aizawa said and turned from Matsuda to L: “You are here quarter of the time you used to and you are not giving us any ideas where to lead the investigation next. Now you are giving us holidays? Don't you think we are at least worthy of an explanation?”

L brought his thumb to his mouth and tilted his head: “I do apologize, Aizawa-san I thought you might want to spend some time with your family. If you don't, you are not obligated to leave. But the fact is, that the Kira case is at the standstill now. No matter how hard we try, there is no evidence that might show us the direction to someone else than Yagami-kun and as we all now know, that Yagami-kun  _ is innocent _ , I simply have no other ideas. That's all. As for my interest… the Kira case is still my highest priority and I intend to find Kira and bring him to justice. But right now I also have a second case, which is closer to its solution so I am about to give it more attention. If it's not to your liking Aizawa-san, I am sorry. But there is hardly something I can do about it.”

It was probably the most truthful and heartful answer they ever heard from L's mouth. And for once, L really didn't use any game or trick on them. He simply used enough words to leave out why he was not spending so much time in HQs like before. And it worked.

There was silence for a moment before Aizawa said: “I… I… I just want the case to move somewhere. I am tired of this....” he waved his hands in the air at the side of the room where KT, Matsuda, L and Light were standing. “If I wanted to watch a teenage romance, I could as well watch TV with my wife!” 

L raised an eyebrow. He was aware that the task force probably noticed something but he wouldn't expect Aizawa to hit on it like this. 

“Well in that case I wish you a Merry Christmas Aizawa-san! I am sure you can spend a few pleasant days with your wife watching TV instead of...” L waved his hand in the air: “this.” 

* * *

  
  


“Oh come on… not this again!” BB whiled and rubbed his face with both his hands in desperation. He had the Kira case files for a few days already. He got himself a good computer and a few monitors, so he could get through those passwords and then read it all but… the coding wasn't as easy as he thought. When BB heard Mello saying they downloaded the files from KT's computer he was sure he could get through. Because KT's computer security was all written by A. And if someone knew how A thought in his programming, it was B. 

But it turned out that these files were compressed by L's security system. Which was obviously rewritten from a scratch and had nothing to do with A's coding anymore. It was not even similar to L's usual coding. 

“Shiiit… I can't believe it. I got this far, just to stare at damn passworded files. Great… that's just great.” BB said out loud and stood up to take a cigarette break. 

He went out on the balcony and looked at the brick wall in front of him. In the district he was hiding in wasn't much of a view. But he didn't really mind. The more out of sight he was, the better. 

As he was smoking, his back leaned against the wall and he was listening to the sounds of a night city. Cars, sirens, trains… it all had a calming effect on him, until he heard a rough voice from somewhere beside him: 

“Your great plan is not going as good as you wanted?”

B didn't even bother to look at the Shinigami: “It's only a matter of time. I'll break through it.”

“Interesting… I thought time was something you are lacking.”

The Shinigami king was right about that. He had only over a week until the New Year's eve celebration. And only something over a month to live. If there was something he was seriously lacking it was time. But everything went as he planned so far. Even too well. He even thought about the possibility that the Shinigami king wrote this whole scenario to his Death Note but… he doubted he would take time to do something so complex as this. 

B didn't need the information from the Kira case files urgently. But… knowing what's in them would help a lot. B knew L surely had some suspects and that would help him to aim at the right people. But in the end, he was also able to do it by himself. 

BB's plan was quite simple. He wanted to lure Kira out of his lair. He knew that Kira was watching L and L was watching Kira. That also meant, they were both watching him. Those murder cases he created, were meant do be thorn in both of their sides and bring them both to one place. Because B was sure that if L would show up there, Kira will be there too. From that point, he only needed a good view at L and anyone who could be coming near him. 

“Are you sure about that life-span thing? I really won't be able to see Kira's life span?” B asked the Shinigami king, completely ignoring his previous comment. 

“As I said before. The owner of a Death Note has no life-span. You'll only see their name.” The king said without an expression. 

Beyond smirked. This was an advantage Kira didn't know he had. So once he will see Kira, he will recognize them immediately. And even if Kira saw him, he couldn't kill him. At least not for another month.

* * *

  
  


“Your blood pressure is low. Are you feeling nauseous today?” Watari asked L when he was making a quick examination in his office.

L nodded: “A little. And the luck of coffee is not helping either.”

It was making it much worse actually. It's not that L could drop off his coffee completely from the start. That could cause some serious withdrawal symptoms, but he felt the change anyway. He had a hard time concentrating and felt an urge to take a nap after every meal.

“I think you need a bit of an exercise L. And the sun would also do you good.” Watari said as they sat down into chairs in his office.

“Yes… I know. I've been thinking about moving into the highest apartman. It has a glass roof at most parts so I would get a bit of natural light and it also has two smaller rooms beside the master bedroom. Boys could have their own rooms.”

Watari nodded: “I think it is a good idea. I wouldn't want you to leave the building unless it's necessary so this and daily a few minutes on a balcony will do you good.”

L nodded and put his hand on his flat belly: “Alright.”

Watari rubbed his mustache and continued: “About your boys… I am not sure if it's a good idea to separate them.”

L raised an eyebrow: “Why do you think so? It makes sense to me… Mello is older and constantly on a video chat with that Matt guy and Near wants peace for his studies so…”

Watari nodded: “Yes, that is true but sometimes they are talking at night. I even saw them sleeping in one bed occasionally. I think they need each other. No matter how hard they protest.” 

L's eyes widened. He didn't know about that. He watched the cameras in their room every day, but he never caught them acting “brotherly”. It made him smirk happily.

“I see… so one room in that case. I will make the other my office. Unless you want to move in?”

Watari shook his head: “Oh God no, thank you! I enjoy having my own peace. Watching Mello on cameras is sometimes enough itself.”

L laughed: “But you'll be with us on Christmas. That's an order.”

“Yes, of course I will. I might be an old loner, but I am not letting my kids alone on Christmas.”

L smirked. “I am glad to hear that.”

There was a moment of silence when L was sipping on his tea and Watari on his coffee. Then Watari spoke again: 

“Were you thinking about inviting Mr. Matsuda?”

L almost choked on his tea: “God no! Why should I?”

“Well...he is not leaving anywhere for Christmas and…” Watari started but L cut him off: 

“That's not a reason I should invite him to our family Christmas…”

“Yes but…”

“Seriously Watari, no! No way! I dont want to hear his stupid notes on Christmas because I know KT and you would want me to watch my mouth and I might as well bite my tongue off while doing so I…” L suddenly stopped speaking as he caught a movement on surveillance cameras behind Watari. And it was not just a movement. It was his sister, moving through the corridor in front of her appartement hand in hand with no one else than Touta Matsuda. 

L slowly stood up from the chair, his eyes fixed on the screen and his mouth open. 

“What is it L?” Watari asked and turned around to see Matsuda pressing KT against the door of her apartment, kissing her and showing a hand under her skirt. 

“What the fuck does he think he is doing?” L suddenly yelled and headed to exit, with an intention to beat Matsuda into unconsciousness. Luckily Watari was still fast enough to stop him. He grabbed L by the shoulders and slammed him against the wall. Not enough to hurt him, but enough for him to get the message: “No L. This is not your business. KT is an adult and she can do whatever she wants.”

L opened and closed his mouth, trying to process what is going on: “Whatever she wants? Are you kidding me? You want me to believe she is  _ letting _ him do these...  _ things _ ?”

Watari gave L a stern look and L looked at the surveillance camera again. It was now KT who was pressing Matsuda into the door frame, kissing him, while fighting the door lock. 

Suddenly it all started making sense. Suddenly L knew  _ why  _ KT was distracted back at Osaka. Why she was so protective over Matsuda. Why Aizawa was pointing at the four of them while talking about teenage romance. And why Watari was hitting on him to invite Matsuda to their family Christmas. 

Suddenly... L felt like throwing up. 

Watari saw L go green and loosened his grip a bit. L watched as KT and Matsuda disappeared inside the appartement. 

“Don't do anything stupid L. This is KT's decision and I am fully supportive of her. He is a good man and you know it.”

For a moment L didn't know what to say. He was angry at himself that he didn't notice, at KT that she didn't tell him and at the fact that  _ of all people _ it had to be... Matsuda. L shook his head and he refused to believe it. He couldn't figure out why his beautiful and intelligent sister would want to be with someone like Matsuda. It just didn't make sense. There had to be more behind it. Some strategy or she just needed to let out a steam. 

_ Yes… that will be it. She is alone for a long time. Surely she has needs. We all have needs.  _ L thought as he was trying to make some sense out of this nightmare. 

“L… are you listening to me? Leave it be…” Watari insisted as he watched the boy thinking hard.

L put a thumb to his lower lip. He needed to think about this. And talk to KT. Because it surely wasn't anything… serious. 

“Yes I just… I will talk to her about this later when they are not… together.”

Watari finally stepped away from L: “Very well… but remember it's KT's life. Not yours. And promise me you wont do anything to Mr. Matsuda.”

L gave him an innocent look. It was not that he was thinking about anything...  _ yet _ . But Watari knew him well enough to say that he might get pretty childish. 

Watari crossed his hands on his chest: “I mean it. I want you to swear.”

“I am not a child Watari.” L spat at him. 

“I don't care. You just swear L Lawliet!” Watari raised his voice at the boy. 

L threw his hands in the air in a desperate gesture: “Alright! I swear!”

“You swear what?!”

“I wont do anything to Matsuda!” L said, but he was incredibly pissed off. 

“Good boy.” Watari said and that made L even angrier. He turned to the door again. 

“Where are you going?” 

L turned around and gave Watari a very annoyed look: “Toilet. I need to throw up. That sight seriously messed with my stomach.”

* * *

  
  


L took exactly four hours to think about it. And the more he was thinking about it, the more pissed he got. Especially when he finally began to notice those  _ looks _ that were passing between his sister and  _ that idiot _ . Even when they just returned from a lunch break and probably had sex instead of a lunch, they were still flirting with each other. Like love-stricken teenagers. Which was disgusting and it made L seriously worried about his sister's mental health. 

After those four hours of pure hell in the headquarters, L asked Matsuda to go and buy him something sweet in the bakery at the other side of a city. Which ended up with scolding from KT but it made the desired effect. Matsuda was out of the HQs and KT left the room angrily and headed into her apartment. 

Of course L knew she was not going straight there. Instead she followed Matsuda in front of the building where they were eating each others' heads for  _ a damn 15 minutes _ . L's blood was boiling while he was watching on his phone.

Meanwhile he used the time to move to her apartment and waited until she came. L wanted to talk to her and bring her to senses. But he also wanted to hurt her. Because he was hurting himself by the fact she didn't tell him at all. He told her about everything that happened between him and Light… 

_ Well almost everything. Not about the rape... and the baby…  _

But she knew things he would  _ never  _ tell anyone else. He felt betrayed. And he wanted her to feel bad as well. 

L heard the key in the lock and prepared himself for an attack: 

"Care to explain yourself?" he asked straightly and watched as KT almost jumped in shock. She turned around and their eyes met. He obviously managed to startle her. 

"Jesus you scared me! What are you doing here?" She asked and moved to take off her jacket. 

"Looking after my sister. Now answer my question." L said and he was watched as KT raised an eyebrow. 

She was not sure what he was hitting at, but she damn had an idea what this was about. And she was everything but happy about the tone the conversation started with: 

"I don't know what I should be explaining…" 

L stood up and made a few steps closer towards her. He brought his thumb to his lower lip and tilted his head: 

"You don't know… what about the reason, why you are fooling around with the office idiot. It has to be part of your investigation, because other ways I don't really see the reason!" 

KT shoot him a murderous look: 

"What I am doing in my free time is none of your business." She said and marched away from him, to the kitchen. L followed her and his tone was everything, but pleasant. 

"I beg to differ, my dear sister. Because this is  _ my  _ tower,  _ my _ task force and you are both  _ my _ employees."

She took a glass of water and turned to face him. She tried to be as cool about it as she could, but she was already raging inside. He had no right to act like this towards her. And he had no right to talk about Matsuda this way. 

"I don't remember having a rule forbidding dating a colleague in my contract."

L laughed out loud: 

"Dating… So that's what it is? Have you gone completely mad?! This man's intelligence is so much below our own. He can't hold a candle to you!" 

KT showed her glass to the mramor desk on the kitchen unit with a loud clunk: 

"Relationships are not just about IQ."

"Oh? Enlighten me then! Why would K, legendary double agent, want to be in a relationship with a man who is far from her equal!" L almost yelled at her. 

KT felt something breaking inside her and she lost it: "You are in relationship with your equal and what good did it make?! You are constantly in tense, fighting anxiety, your investigation is stuck at a stalemate for months and you put your own family in danger, just so you can play hide and seek with a mass murderer? Let's face it L! Because that's what he is!" 

L was surprised. It was not normal for K to lose her face like. But it was not her tone that scared him, but the content of those words. He started shaking. 

"I… I… he…" L started but KT cut him off angrily:

"No! I don't care! It's your life… Wanna screw it up? Do it, be my guest! But don't tell me how to live MY life!" 

Then there was silence between them. L suddenly felt as he was falling from his high tantrum back to reality. He was shaking and tears were building behind his eyes. 

KT was panting hard, full of anger but when she saw that L was on the edge of a break she quickly sobered. She didn't want to hurt him. He was having a hard time and she was supposed to be a supportive big sister. To have patience with him. Not to send him into another wave of anxiety. 

"L… I am sorry. I didn't mean it.” she started and wanted to place her hand on his shoulder but L made a step back, still looking at the floor.

KT let out a long sigh. She had to make this right. She had to explain herself. She had a right to be happy just like anyone else: “Look I just… It's nice to be with someone normal. Someone who is not constantly trying to beat you and show he is better than you. Someone who actually cares."

But it was like her words didn't even get to him. He gave her a bored, stone cold look, which was probably the worst case scenario: 

"You're right, it's not my business. Goodnight." L said and quickly left her apartment. 

"No… L!" KT tried to go after him but he slammed the door in front of her face.

KT breathed in and out, hoping its gonna help her calm down but it didn't. So instead she punched the wall with a loud: "FUUUUUUCK!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a nice friday the 13th! I am sure its gonna be a happy day for you all... and if not, at least I got you an update! :D :D :D   
> Love, J.


	28. Honey and tears

_ She is wrong.  _

_ What she said is not true!  _

_ He is not just a mass murderer! He loves me! Fuck I know he loves me! It must mean something! It has to change something!  _

These thoughts were running through L's mind while he was pacing from KT's apartment. There was a moment, back there, when he felt sharp pain and the weight of the truth hidden behind those words, but he quickly managed to push them away. Letting these things into his mind would mean he failed and he was not giving up yet. 

_ K is wrong. She doesn't see the whole picture. She doesn't know what he is like when he is with me. He is not just Kira… there is also Light inside him. I just need to get him on the surface.  _

But no matter how hard L was trying to persuade himself about this, he was failing. Because the tiny voice in the back of his head, was actually the voice of reason telling him, over and over again, that there isn't any chance. 

He had these kinds of arguments with himself before. Many times. But back then he was looking at things a little more in perspective. Realizing all the risks of moves he was doing when trying to solve the case and silently hoping their relationship will change something. But now, looking at things rationally was nearly impossible. L knew he was acting on emotions but he couldn't help himself. And with K saying these things out loud it was like he was hit by lightning. Like things he knew and he was only arguing about with himself were coming alive and stood right in front of him. 

L was hurting physically. This time he wouldn't have to lie about having anxiety, because waves of fear were going through his body. He knew deep inside that he might have to give up on Light sooner or later. But he didn't want to admit it to himself. 

“No… oh God please no! I can't give up on him.” he said out loud and leaned his back against the cold wall of the lift. 

_ No… shit no! I won't do that! I need him! The baby needs him! I can't do this alone! Not again… _

L felt tears building behind his eyes again but he clenched his fists and suppressed them. 

He can't break now. 

He has to prove K wrong. 

He has to prove  _ his reason  _ wrong. 

And the only way to do it was... facing Light. 

* * *

Supernatural.

That was a variable Near never took in consideration, while thinking through his theories about the Kira case. But reading about killer notebooks and Gods of death attached to it, quickly changed his perception of the world. Because if Shinigami existed, the world might have been full of other mythical creatures they didn't see at first sight. 

Near was thinking about vampires, werewolves and goblins. These creatures were never scaring him before. 

They did now.

_ I need to think racional…  _ He thought. But it was like his racional disappeared and he was facing a new reality. Reality where his sharp mind won't help him much. Reality where he was just a boy of five. Scared of monsters who probably couldn't be outsmarted.

_ But Kira is a human… he may be a monster inside and he might have a Shinigami on his side, but he is still a human. And a human can be handled by reason.  _

Near bit his lower lip and went back to reading. He read through the Death Note rules, getting his and his father's theories confirmed. And although it looked like they really got Kira in Higuchi, the murders were still going on. And it seemed like the pattern went back to the work of Kira and the second Kira. 

Near frowned. The case files ended there. 

But everything was pointing at Light Yagami and Misa Amane again. Light Yagami being the first Kira and Misa Amane the second one. The one who doesn't need a name to kill. Even if they didn't remember at some point, they definitely did now. 

Near abruptly turned to look behind his back. He could swear he saw a movement there, with the corner of his eye. But the room was empty. 

_ Monsters…  _ he thought and went back to his original thoughts: 

_ If Misa Amane didn't need a name to kill, father would probably be dead already. Which can mean two things - Amane doesn't have that power anymore or… Yagami is protecting L.  _

But Near already knew an answer to that one. 

Light Yagami's feelings towards his father were obviously a variable none of them was counting with. 

_ But what are father's feelings for Yagami?  _ Near was asking himself. 

He was truly not sure. He saw older boys and girls at the orphanage showing affection to each other, but he never in his life saw his father doing something like that. He was very abstemious even when showing affection towards him and Mello. 

_ But on the other hand… if father's mind wasn't clouded by feelings towards Light Yagami, he would surely find evidence against him already.  _

Near frowned. 

_ This is a hard situation indeed. If father is trying to save Yagami while trying to catch Kira, he is actually giving Kira time to win over him. And then there is a risk of Misa Amane… _

Near closed the case files and left his room. It was time for him to seek Light Yagami again. To study him… and if possible, to figure out how the second Kira is killing and if she can still kill like that. 

* * *

  
  


Light was crossing the corridor of HQs, tired after he spent the whole afternoon out in the city, buying christmas presents. He hated that. It wasn't Japanese custom. But he knew that Sayu would be disappointed and Misa might do a scene without getting a present. So he took an afternoon off and bought some stupidities just to save himself from a loud annoying scream Misa might let out if she didn't get anything. 

He was looking forward to his bed but when he crossed the kitchen door at the HQs floor he spotted a familiar figure sitting on the kitchen unit. He stopped and looked into the kitchen again. L was really sitting there with a jar full of honey and he was eating it in high doses. 

Light raised an eyebrow. L had his eyes fixed on a jar and didn't seem to apprehend his surroundings. Light expected Watari to be there too but as he looked around the kitchen, he found out L was alone. 

For a moment, Light couldn't believe his luck. They were not alone for such a long time. He felt a sudden urge to just go, close the space between them and kiss the man. But he knew that wasn't a good idea. He needed to be careful, not to scare him away and  _ finally  _ get a few answers.

Light stepped into the kitchen saying: 

“That's quite a large amount of sugar… even for you.” 

L quickly lifted his eyes from the jar. He didn't say a thing, but showed the spoon full of honey into his mouth again. 

Of course L was there on purpose. He knew Light would have to cross the kitchen when he got back. He wanted to see him. Talk to him. But he had no idea how. He was not really sure what he wanted to say or Light to say. And he couldn't think of a better way to kill time then wrapping his nerves in something sweet. 

For a moment they were just staring at each other and Light realized that L was distressed. No… he was  _ majorly pissed _ . That annoyed and bored look in his eyes was hiding so much pain and anger that it scared Light to the core. 

_ Oh... this is not good. _ He thought and made two steps closer. He half expected L leave the room right away. But that didn't happen, which gave Light courage to come even closer. 

“What's going on L?” he asked with a soft voice, full of concern. 

“Ryuzaki…” L corrected him automatically while biting on a spoon. 

Light wanted to roll his eyes but he didn't want to piss him even more: “What's going on Ryuzaki?” he corrected himself. 

“That's none of your concern... Kira.” L spat at him. 

Light opened and closed his mouth. L he  _ never  _ called Light directly Kira. Something about that made blood freeze in Light's veins. It was alright when he was asking him  _ if  _ he was Kira. It was alright when he was telling others  _ he suspects  _ him being Kira. But it was a  _ damn different _ feeling when L called him Kira openly. It didn't feel right. 

_ Shit that actually hurts. But he isn't wrong… So why the hell does it hurt? _

Light didn't have much time to think about it. He needed to react. He just raised an eyebrow and stayed composed: “Really Ryuzaki? You said this morning that I am innocent in front of everyone and now you are accusing me again?” 

L was very aware that he was stepping deep in the water now. Last time, they had this kind of conversation and he ended up unconscious on HQs floor. And what he was doing now was more of a provocation than confrontation. But he couldn't help himself. All the pain and anger was just flowing through his body and mind and he needed to get it out of the system. It could either end with Kira attacking him, or Light loving him. This time, it was black and white. 

L gave Light a long piercing sight: “I think we don't have to lie to each other anymore, Kira. There is no point.”

The amount of venom in L's voice was hard to miss. Whatever happened, it clearly pushed him over the edge. And it must have been something very bad, because L was not easy to piss off. Between the two of them, it was likely that Light would lose his temper, not L. It almost felt like they were fighting their battle of wits again…. But this time, emotions were involved. 

“You are right… there's no point. I might as well tell you the truth…” Light started and watched L shift his piercing eyes to him.

“I love you.” Light said. “You know that's the truth.”

L was just staring at him with bored eyes while licking the honey from the spoon. He tried to stay indifferent but his heart started beating fast in his chest when hearing that. But he couldn't let him know:

“And you think that saying that  _ you love me _ will erase the fact that you are Kira?”

Light frowned. This was typical L again. Cold as stone. It almost seemed like L was trying to provoke him to do something Kira would do. Like he wanted to hate him. Because last time they had this conversation Light lost it. He shivered at the memory. 

_ No… I wouldn't do that again. Never. No matter what you say I won't hurt you. _ Light told himself.

Light shook his head from side to side: “L we've been through this a hundred times over. And I get it. A part of you wants me to be Kira, because you were never wrong, but can we pretend at least for a few minutes that you believe I am innocent?”

“What good would it do? You are Kira anyway…”

“Well maybe, if you believed me, you might be free to tell me what's bothering you.” Light told L and made two steps closer to stand right in front of the detective. 

L narrowed his eyes at him: “I don't trust you.” 

Light leaned his hands against the kitchen unit so they were close to L's knees. L was sitting normally for once, his legs down the unit and Light could touch his knees if he wanted. But instead he leaned a little closer into L's personal space and whispered: 

“Can we pretend? At least for a moment? Please?” 

“No.” L said and his eyes were fixed on Light's. 

“Five minutes.” Light whispered again and leaned even closer. He wanted to lick the honey from the spoon but L showed it whole into his mouth and mumbled: 

“No.”

Light smirked and backed off a little, watching as L's eyes went to the jar between his legs again: “Love, if you wouldn't want to talk about it, you would leave the kitchen the moment I came in.” 

L shivered when Light called him  _ love _ . He didn't realize until that moment but he was not actually trying to provoke Kira. He was provoking Light to show affection instead of calculativeness. Because that was what he needed to prove KT wrong. Light's love. No matter how wrong it was, L was starving for it. 

The detective didn't say a thing but Light could see him shiver a little. 

_ What did I do? What the hell had this effect? _ Light was thinking fast and then it hit him.

“Love…” he whispered and watched L shiver again.

_ So you like when I call you love? Damn I wish I knew sooner…  _ Light leaned in and whispered to L's ear: “Please  _ love _ , just 5 minutes.”

L let out something that probably should have been a sigh but Light could have sworn it was actually a moan. He felt the hair behind his neck standing as a wave of pleasure went through him. 

“I guess… I guess 5 minutes wont kill me.” L said with a slightly broken voice. That word from Light's sinful mouth was doing crazy things to him. It was literally taking all his thoughts away from his brain until only the two of them left. Present at that moment. And Kira was no more.

Light smiled and backed off to see L's face, but his hand went to L's hair, to slowly put a few strands of hair behind his ear. 

“So what happened that you are hiding here, eating honey?”

L's mood quickly shifted back and his eyes turned into daggers: 

“I figured that my sister… my beloved, highly intelligent twin sister is fucking the biggest idiot I've ever met.”

“Oh…” Light let out and wanted to laugh. He was expecting something else. He was not sure what, but definitely not this. But the fact that L was so pissed at KT meant plus points for him. He just needed to act right and get L on his side. 

L frowned at him: “Oh? What do you mean oh? You're not surprised?” 

Light opened his mouth to say something, but L cut him off:

“Oh… of course. You knew. Great. That's just great.” he said and put another spoon of honey into his mouth to calm his nerves. 

Light only shrugged: “They were dancing around each other from the beginning, the tension was kinda hard to miss.”

L shook his head nervously and mumbled: “I didn't notice anything.”

Light smiled and placed his hands on L's knees: “L… you have other things of greater importance in your mind. You are our lead detective. Double father… you can't have your eyes everywhere.”

L narrowed a little and showed a spoon into a honey jar again: “See… that's what's pissing me off about it. I should have. I always had my eyes everywhere and now…” he didn't finish because Light brought his hand under L's chin and it forced him to look up. 

“L… what's really going on?” Light asked with a worried sight.

“Ehm… I just think my sister can do better.” he said as if he didnt know what Light was really asking about. But he did know what Light was asking about. Not that he could tell him they were having a baby. 

Light shook his head: “That's not what I meant… you are out most of the time, you are changing your diet, not to mention you are taking some pills. I am not blind. If you are ill I want to know.” 

L only shrugged and used his most cold and collected voice to answer: 

“You are reading much into things, Light. I am away because I am still tired after my previous illness. I am taking pills because I don't want it to get back and I changed my diet for the same reason. There is no point overthinking this.” 

Light shook his head again and his sight softened again. He started caressing L's cheek while his other hand was going lovingly through L's hair. And even when L was trying to stay indifferent, he was leaning into the touch a little, so he actually wanted Light to touch him. 

“I just want to make sure you are okay,  _ my love _ . I can't stand the thought of you being ill, sick or hurt.”

L was melting at those words. He knew Light meant it and it was calming him down. As well as the feeling of his hands on him. It was extremely hard not to wrap his arms around the younger man:

“I am alright Light. As I said. Nothing is going on.” L said and he was again focused on his honey jar. 

Light slowly closed his eyes and let out a sigh. He felt truly desperate about the situation. He knew L was lying to him. He knew there was practically no trust between them. And it will take a lot of time to change that. But Light also realized there was a change in L. Because they were alone now, L was talking to him and didn't push him away. Which encouraged Light enough to make another step:

“L… will you… will you let me see you again?” 

“You see me every day Light…” L answered, not taking his eyes off a honey jar.

Light took one of L's hands into his own and kissed his knuckles: “You know what I mean… give me a chance,  _ please _ .”

The answer to that shot out of L's mouth so fast that none of them really saw it coming:

“Quit being Kira and I am all yours.”

Their eyes met. 

L knew he shouldn't have said that. It was practically a love declaration and a forgiveness for the rape in one simple sentence. And he knew Light will understand it like that. He just made it easy for him. 

Light was shocked by that answer. It was so unexpected and so truthful that it felt like L just kicked him in the stomach. It hurt physically. Because again he realized that all that is standing between the two of them… is Kira. But instead of long thinking Light let out a chuckle:

“Well in that case, you are all mine, because I am not Kira.”

L slowly closed his eyes, let out a long sigh and put the honey jar away: 

“Light please…  _ I am tired _ of this.” L said and he meant it. His emotions were taking over him and he was tired of fighting it. He couldn't constantly fight Kira while loving Light. It was just impossible. 

“Then quit it…” Light told him and took both of his sticky honey hands into his own, forcing L to look at him: “Give me a chance to prove myself. I want to earn your trust. I want to take care of you… of your sons. I love you L. Just please,  _ please  _ let me near you again.”

L didn't say a thing to that, he only closed his eyes, because he couldn't bear to look into those sincere but lying amber eyes. He felt terrible. It was like he was falling into a deep dark hole without a bottom. He wanted to let him in. He wanted Light to be innocent. 

“Please my love… give me… just a few minutes a day.” Light insisted and started placing small kisses to L's palms. He also felt that L started shivering and it made him look into L's face again. There were tears, running down from those closed eyes. 

That sight broke Light's heart. He never saw L like this before. He hardly ever saw him emotional but this was simply too much. He never realized before just how much L was hurting. But that also meant:

_ He loves me… shit he actually... _

“L… L honey, please don't cry. Tell me what you want me to do, I'll do anything, just dont cry.” 

_ Stop being Kira… _ L was screaming inside his mind. But he already said that. There was no point saying it again. Light didnt listen anyway. So he needed to try another way:

“Okay…” L whispered.

“Okay? Okay what?” Light was lost for a moment, because he completely forgot about his previous request when he saw L crying. 

“I will give you a chance.” L said with a shaky voice and teary eyes: “Every night, we can meet here for a few minutes.”

Light smiled and pressed his forehead to L's.

“Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.” He was saying all over again, while he moved to kiss away the tears that were still running down L's eyes.

“I will earn your trust. I promise. I promise.” Light whispered against L's skin and felt tears building behind his own eyes. He kissed away all the saltiness on L's cheeks and then backed away a little to look at L again. He looked different now. Younger, full of emotions and somehow… fragile. Light couldn't help himself and he threw his arms around the detective and pulled him into a hug. L didn't really hug him back. But he didn't move away either. He just buried his face into Light's houlder and silently cried, while he was breathing in his lover's scent. Light's heart was hammering in his chest. He felt so overwhelmed by what happened and he was not really sure how he felt about it. He felt joy and he also felt sadness. But he tried to push all those feelings away and just be in a moment, just be there for L. 

They stayed like that for some time. L crying on his shoulder while Light caressing his back and placing small kisses on his neck. They were in their own world. And they didn't notice a small head of white hair that looked into the kitchen, while they were in each other's embrace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys,  
> I hope you enjoyed this long long update and now I have to tell you something I am constantly forgetting about for some time:  
> A few weeks ago we started a facebook group called "Death Note fanfiction writers and readers" together with a few writers from this great fandom. We are discussing many DN related things there, posting our favourite FFs or DN related videos and generaly said, its quite fun! :) So if you are interested in joining us and seeing a bit behind our creative proces or just chat about DN you are mostly welcome to do so!   
> Looking forward to hear from you here, or at our FB group!  
> Love, J.


	29. Calm before the storm, part I.

Christmas was supposed to be a happy time. The time they spend together as a family, talk about what happened in the last year and pay attention to Mello and Near. And they did. L and KT made their best to act like synchronized siblings in front of the boys but it was not working exactly well. The atmosphere between them was thick and both Near and Mello knew something was going on. Near was a step ahead with his train of thoughts because of what he saw a few days ago. He was pretty sure the current atmosphere between father and aunt KT was somehow related to it. Not to mention that his father was meeting with Yagami every evening now. 

Near was watching them from afar. He never came closer to the kitchen door again, but he was always nearby, counting the time and watching out for danger. Because they were meeting on the common floor. If someone like or Misa Amane appeared it could be a problem. Near wanted to avoid danger at any costs. His father was obviously compromised, so he needed someone to look after him. 

While Near was waiting every night, for both men to say their goodbyes, he had a lot of time to think. He was sure that Watari and KT knew about father's situation. And they either didn't know what to do with it, or they thought it was part of his plan. Near considered talking to them about the situation, but he decided not to. They could try to keep him out of things and this wasn't the time to back off. And Near was also sure that Watari actually sees him on cameras spying on L and Light, but he didn't say a word. Which meat, he approved. 

Most of the time Near was thinking about the Kira case. When he was back in his study room later on, he used his collection of robots to play different scenarios. It helped him to come up with new theories and possibilities. 

He had figures of L, KT, Light Yagami, Misa Amane and Shinigami Rem. He was trying to figure out situations which might occur next. He also knew there must have been another Shinigami around so he added one more blank figure. And then, there was Beyond Birthday.

Near was watching all of his figures and decided to group them into teams. Misa, Light, Rem and unknown Shinigami were in one group. Then there was L with aunt KT. But at that moment, Near was focused on his robot which represented Beyond Birthday. The figure was standing alone, beside others. He didn't fit in. He didn't make any sense there. 

The Kira case and BB's murders didn't have much incommon at first sight. But Near knew now that Kira couldn't kill Beyond, which made him a game changer and possibly one of the strongest figures in the game. But still... BB didn't make any sense in the game. Near didnt know what he was up to. All he knew was that father was trying to protect him and Mello from Beyond, and Light Yagami was trying to persuade him about the same thing. But...

_ Why, would Beyond Birthday appear after such a long time? And when everyone thought he was dead? It doesn't make any sense. He could have kidnapped Mello or me or get to father without a problem. But instead just appears at the orphanage and talks to Mel... _

Near's lips shifted into a devious smile as a thought hit him.

_Oh I see… this was never about getting to us or L in the first place._ _He wanted to get to Kira case files. And Mello was probably able to provide them._

Near quickly added another smaller figurine of a blonde boy next to Beyond Birthday. 

_ Is that why you wanted the Kira case files but couldn't ask father for them? Mello? Were you in contact with Beyond all the time? _

Near watched figures of Mello and BB facing figures of KT and L. But he already knew, this was not about B getting to L. This was about B, getting to Kira case files. 

Near took figures of BB and Mello and set them against the group of figurines of the Kira team. But also a few centimeters apart from L and KT and tilted his head.

_ There are only two possibilities. Beyond Birthday wants to join Kira, which would match his LA profile or…  _

Near pushed figures of L, KT, BB and Mello together into one group. 

_ Is it possible that they actually have a common enemy? Is it possible that Beyond Birthday is after Kira? _

Near smiled as he felt a wave of excitement. It was time to read LA murder cases again. And also to give some time to the current Child's pose murder cases. If he was missing something, the answer was definitely there. 

* * *

  
  


KT was a good actress. A great actress. She was able to play like nothing happened in front of Matsuda. He was still happily chatting with her but she must have admitted to herself she was happy that his parents changed their plans and stayed in Tokyo instead of going to visit his sister. That meant he was out of HQs for Christmas and KT finally had time to sit down and think things through. 

She expected a strong reaction from L. That's why she wanted to wait until she was one hundred percent sure what her relationship with Matsuda exactly was about. It could have been a pretty romance and end as fast as it started, but then… she actually surprised herself when she told L they were dating. Because it was never said out loud between her and Matsuda. 

_ Yeah, but what was I expecting? Him to ask me to be his girlfriend or something? We are not fucking sixteen _ . KT told herself and layed down on the sofa.

_ On the other hand… that would definitely be his style. Maybe he would if I didn't jump on him like a horny teenager… _

KT hid her face with her hands and let out a long sigh. That's when her phone vibrated in her pocket. She quickly looked at who was writing to her and felt her heart beating faster when she saw Matsuda's name on a screen. 

“Can't wait to see you again tomorrow. Will we have lunch together?” The message said.

KT chuckled and quickly typed back a positive answer. Then she went through his older texts for a while. He was really cute. Every single message from him was full of nice words and adoration. It almost felt too good to be true. KT found herself grinning happily at her phone and thinking about stupid things. Like taking Matsuda on holiday to Barcelona or Paris. 

She shook her head and forced herself into a sitting position. 

_ I can't be thinking about this now… this is not the time for falling head over heels… Maybe one day… if the Kira case is over and we will all survive this.  _

KT stood up as a shiver ran through her spine. She knew she shouldn't be thinking about these things but there was a high possibility that one of them would not make it through the investigation. And even if they will, there was a high chance that her brother will not make it. And KT was sure she could not live her life happily without L by her side. 

_ How did we get here, bro?  _ She asked herself and her train of thoughts shifted to the past few days.

Christmas itself was a  _ hell _ . She and L were playing like nothing happened in front of the boys but it was hard. They were not stupid. And especially when L and KT did not exchange presents, Mello asked if something was wrong. They both said that their presents are back home in England, but that wasn't true. They both just wanted to enjoy giving the present in the right atmosphere. Which was not now. KT wanted her brother to laugh with her and have fun. Not just accept it, thank her and fall back into silence. She was pretty sure, he had it the same way. They were twins after all. They shared a similar mindset. 

The situation itself was a shit because L closed himself towards her and opened up towards Yagami instead. She wouldn't even know if it wasn't for Watari, who monitored the whole building. But that also meant L wanted them to know. He wanted them to watch. KT was just not sure if it was to show them Light was good, or to try to find some evidence against him. She was not sure about anything anymore. Because even if it might seem like a good change of strategy on the outside - to let Light closer and confuse him enough to make a mistake, KT didn't really think that was what L was doing. He was acting on his emotions now. He was irrational. He was blindly in love. And that was the reason he called KT in the first place. He needed her eyes wide open. He needed her to see things he couldn't. 

* * *

  
  


Spending every evening with Light was surprisingly easy for L. Yes, there was a voice of reason in his mind that kept his eyes wide open and that also held him from giving in completely, but at the same time he was overwhelmed with happiness. It was like they left the real world behind and appeared in their own universe where it was just the two of them. No Kira, no Beyond and no problems. 

At the beginning, L stayed just for a few minutes, as he promised, but then… every night it was a few minutes more. They were playing the game of “ _ what if Light wasnt Kira''  _ and it gave them space to talk openly about a lot of things. At least as openly as it was possible between them. 

Light was interested in Near and Mello. He wanted to know everything about them and L soon figured out that he wasn't exactly a good source of information. What he knew about his boys were only a few facts and then things KT or Roger told him. He never realized it as much as he did at that moment: 

_ I am their father. I should have known them best. But I don't... _

Light looked up from the pan as he was preparing the dinner: “You didn't have much time to raise them, when you were working on your cases, did you?”

L nodded and tried to stay as composed as possible. But he was actually ashamed: “Unfortunately, Light-kun is right.”

Light rolled his eyes: “Can you drop the honorifics please? I thought we were over this already.”

L nodded again and hugged his legs to pull them to his body, as he was sitting on the kitchen unit. Then he realized he shouldn't be sitting like this and his legs fell down again. He felt irritated by this little detail. 

“Yes, Light, you are right.”

Light shot him a concerned look: “We should make sure to spend as much time as possible with them, as soon as the Kira case is over.”

L raised an eyebrow: “We?”

Light chuckled and looked at him with a cocky expression: “Of course L. You said it yourself, you are all mine.”

L tilted his head: “I said if you were not Kira, I am all yours.”

“Exactly!” Light said with a wide smile and kissed L's nose before turning back to the cooker.

L stayed frozen in a place, shocked by the sudden display of affection. On one hand he wanted to roll his eyes and say that Light was Kira, but on the other hand, he wanted to smile and enjoy the feeling that was spreading in his chest. 

_ What Am I trying to prove here? I am only digging myself deeper in this hole… he is Kira! _ L was screaming inside and that was enough to pull him back to reality: 

“I should go… there is not much left to say anyway.”

“No, no, not until you eat.” Light told him and started preparing plates for both of them. He was moving fast around the kitchen and L was actually thinking that Light was like a butterfly for a few moments. Elegant, colorful and full of energy.

“Pardon?” L asked when he snapped out of his thoughts.

Light turned to face him and lifted his eyebrow: “Do you think I am cooking this all just for myself?” he told L and pointed at the pan.

There was some kind of strange noodles with meat and ananas. It looked great and smelled even better. L was surprised that his stomach didn't say anything to that smell, because it was kinda aromatic. But he was also happy about it. He really didn't need to puke in front of Light.

Light was currently adding some honey to the pan and L had to bite his inner cheek not to laugh. He remembered, he told himself a few weeks ago, that if it turned out Light wasn't Kira, he would marry him that very second. And he had that thought after tasting Light's cooking. L must have admitted to himself that he could get used to this kind of treatment quickly. Not that Watari's cooking was bad but… this was different. The food Light made him back then, tasted like love. 

_ I wonder if this tastes the same… _ L thought and watched Light placing the food on plates.

“Why are you doing this?” L suddenly asked, knowing he will totally spoil the moment, but he asked anyway.

Light turned to him: “What do you mean?”

L waved his hand to point at an amazingly looking dish on the table: “This… cooking… and stuff…?”

Light chuckled and went to stand up just in front of L. 

“I already told you that… I want to be with you, take care of you and spending time with you while having a nice dinner is a part of that.”

L tilted his head. It was really nice to watch Light trying this hard. He couldn't help but wonder: 

“Mmm… maybe we should have started like this half a year ago…”

Light chuckled at that and started running his hand through L's wild hair. He didn't even hesitate. He acted like they were doing this daily: 

“It was different before L… I mean… to be honest when we started sleeping together it was more like… I don't know… like taking revenge on you. Because you had me behind bars and I wanted you to suffer. I didn't expect you would actually let me do _ those things _ to you and that you would enjoy it.”

L looked up into Light's eyes: “Funny… this is one of the few things I actually believe are true. Unlike most of the things you say.”

Light moved his hand from L's hair to his face and slowly caressed his cheek: 

“I never expected to fall in love with you.”

L shook his head which forced Light to take his hand away: 

“You are a person of reason Light, you didn't have to. Love is just a chemical reaction, it can be held back with the right reasoning.”

Light took L's chin and lifted it up: “Yes but… I didn't want to hold it back.”

They were staring into each other's eyes. L felt the pull towards the younger men and he really was in a temptation to kiss him. But the fact is… he always wanted to kiss him. They were slowly leaning in when L asked: 

“Why?”

Light was so close to L's face that he could afford to whisper:

“Because you are the only one person who understands me. Who challenges me, who complements me… It's like we were born for one another…”

L loved every single word that came from those lying lips. Those lips that were saying truth at the moment. He really wanted to kiss him. He wanted to do it so badly.... But he leaned back instead and scratched the back of his head:

“Really? Sounds very romantic Light, but I would expect something more reasonable from you.”

Light chuckled and folded hands on his chest: “Alright… the truth is… you are the only person who was able to handle me in bed so…”

L chuckled at that: “How can you know? You were a virgin before me…”

“No! I was not!” Light cut him off with an offended voice and horrified face. 

L raised an eyebrow and suddenly felt like he is back in control: 

“Stop lying to me, Light, you had no idea what you were doing the first time. And you came after 30 seconds.”

Light's face turned bright red and he clenched his fists. 

“I didn't… I…” He wanted to say something clever but he was not sure what. L was able to decompose him completely and it was his own fault for bringing up this topic: “Agggrrr alright, and so what?! So I was a virgin and I am pretty happy my first time was with you.” Light told him and came closer again to catch L around the waist and push him to his own body. He wanted to gain back his control over the situation but L seemed mostly amused. 

“Even when our first time was in the bathroom… on the common floor... after we had a fight?”

Light chuckled as remembered that day. They argued over shit all day and then they started fighting in a bathroom after L was constantly tugging the chain while Light was trying to pee. He was constantly making fun of him that he can't even pee into pisoar so when Light finished he was so frustrated that he actually punched L in the face. Then they were fighting for a few minutes before L noticed Light being hard and commented on that. That made him even more furious and when L said Light wouldn't know what to do with it anyway, Light lost it, pinned L against the wall and showed him he knew what to do with it. And L let him do that. He even led Light's hand to his own erection so Light stroked him while fucking his tight hole. 

Light cleared his throat and stepped away from L. He was getting aroused just thinking about it. If he stayed with L in his embrace, things might get out of hand. Not that he didn't want to but… he couldn't afford pushing L into anything. He needed L approaching him first. 

“Alright, I admit that the place could have been better but… our fight made it all very… intense.”

L raised an eyebrow: “Violent tendencies, lying, raping… do you realize how high your Kira percentage is now?”

Light waved it off: “I don't care, I am getting deaf to your Kira percentage shit anyway. And we are still in our hypothetical universe where you believe I am not Kira. Remember?”

L shook his head: “No we are not, your time is up for 10 minutes already.”

Light rolled his eyes and pecked a quick kiss on L's cheek: “Will this buy me 10 more minutes?”

“No.” L said strictly, shooting him a warning glance. But Light wasn't the one to be scared easily: 

“And this?” Light leaned in again to kiss L's lips but the man turned his head on the side.

“The food is getting cold.” L said and quickly hopped off the kitchen unit. 

Light chuckled at that:  _ I always get you exactly where I want to have you L…  _ he thought and followed the detective. 

* * *

  
  


Mello was a lot of things… but not stupid. He figured Beyond was going to meet with Kira, but he had no idea how he wanted to do that. During their past few phone calls they talked through various topics. It was great. Mello felt like he was getting to know his daddy again. They spoke of their favourite food, about L's past cases and B even told him a few things about what happened in LA. But only the things that were connected to his murders. When it came to his personal feelings and motivations behind it, Beyond always changed the topic. Mello wasn't happy about it but he was able to let it be. At that moment, he needed more information about BB's plan with Kira and he was failing at getting information on this topic. That pissed him off, because he did everything Beyond wanted and even before he asked him. Now Mello felt like his daddy didn't really trust him and it made him angry as much as it made him sad. So Mello was hitting at the topic all over again, determined to figure out: 

“But how can you be sure you will recognize Kira when you will see them?! Did you already get through the password? Do you know who the Kira suspect is?” 

Beyond, on the other side of the line, was smoking cigarette after cigarette while talking with his little genius son, hoping it will get his terrible headaches away. He spent last few nights writing a program that will enter all possible variations of passwords to the coded Kira case files and he was exhausted. And Mello really was able to be a thorn in a side when he wanted. Beyond was not really sure if he got it after himself... or L. 

“Well… no, not really. But I will know when I see him, trust me with this.”

“But how?” 

Beyond let out a long sigh and pressed his forehead against the cold wall: 

“Mello… I can't really explain this, you just have to trust me.”

“I got you those damn files and you can't even trust me with something like this?” Mello's tone was getting harsher with every second. 

“Mello…” Beyond hissed at him as a warning. 

“This is not fair!” The blonde yelled.

BB rolled his eyes and took a deep breath to calm down: “Listen to me, Melly-bean, I have a joker in my pocket and a very powerful ally on my side. Trust me. Nothing bad will happen. And if it will, it will happen to Kira.”

“At least tell me when and where you wanna meet with Kira.” Mello pleaded.

“Mell…” Another breathy sound came from Beyond's tired vocal chords. 

“I am not stupid, I am sure there is some kind of code in your new murder cases, which by the way, are not murder cases at all, nice trick, but I will figure out the truth myself sooner or later. So you can as well tell me.” Mello said with a bossy but completely emotionally blank and bored voice. Then there was a moment of silence on the other side of the line. Mello could swear he heard his daddy swallow hard. 

“...”

“Dad?”

“Yeah, I am here it's just that… For a moment I was sure I was talking to L.” Beyond told him and he really was kinda confused a few seconds ago.

“Whaaat?!” Mello asked with his normal voice.

BB shrugged: “I am serious, you had the same diction and it sounded like something your father would say. At least the first part.”

Mello chuckled at that and BB did the same on the other side of the line: 

“You really are your father's son, you know.”

Mello bit his lower lip. He was happy to hear that.  _ Hell  _ he was, but...

“Now you are just trying to divert me from the topic…”

BB placed a hand over his eyes and shook his head: “You really are a smart one.”

Mello rolled his eyes: 

“Dad… please, I am not joking, I am gonna die of boredom here. And I know something is coming. The task force even got Christmas holidays to prepare. They are coming back tomorrow and I know they will be up to something big. It surely has something to do with you.”

“Mello, I really can't tell you, you already figured out too much yourself.”

“At least give me a clue.” The boy pleaded again. 

“Mello…” 

“Something to work on…” Mello tried his cutest voice. 

“Jesus Christ…” BB said in a breathy voice and meant it as an interjection, but the boy took him seriously: 

“I am not much into religion dad, but nice try.”

That made BB literally stop in his tracks. It wasn't that much surprising, given the fact that L was an atheist and Wammy house was raising kids to rely on facts and the voice of reason. But BB knew a bit better now. He knew Gods actually existed. He was not sure about Jesus Christ but he was pretty sure about other ones. 

“Aren't you? I think religion is an important part of life. I think people should believe in Gods.”

BB could literally hear the boy rolling his eyes on the other side of the line: 

“Seriously dad? I expected something else from a person of your IQ.”

That made B laugh out loud: “Well my dear son, I think I finally found your weakness.”

“What do you mean?” Mello asked angrily. 

“You shouldn't focus your mind only on things that are possible. It's important to expand your sight a little further than that…”

“So you want me to study fucking Christianity while you are making a hunt on Kira?” Mello almost yelled into the phone. 

“What's with the language Mello?” BB answered him with an authoritative tone. 

The boy laughed: “I am also my other father's son.”

BB's both eyebrows went up to his forehead: “Good point… But you wanted a clue from me and I gave it.”

There was a moment of silence from Mello, before the boy let out his typical:  _ “What?!” _

“God is your clue.” BB said with a playful voice. 

Mello rolled his eyes again and asked in irony: “Any particular God?”

To his surprise, the answer really came: “A Shinigami.”

* * *

  
  


Light felt like he was floating in bliss. L was meeting with him every evening. They talked, they ate and sometimes he was even able to bring a smile to those beautiful lips. Yes, L was still resisting. But it was only a matter of time. Light was sure that once they will get rid of Beyond Birthday, L will have one worry less. And then, when L will finally let out his true feelings, Light will slowly persuade him to support Kira. Very slowly, step by step, but he will be able to do it. Now that he got this far, he was sure about it. 

_ Dont go ahead of yourself. Get rid of Birthday first.  _ He told himself as he was standing in HQs investigation room. It was late at night and he was there alone, staring at KT's perfect notice board. 

So far, everything went as they assumed. Birthday finished his bloody message and the coordinates were really pointing at Zojo-ji temple in Tokyo.They were hundred percent sure that he wants to meet there on the New year's countdown. 

_ He wants to meet with L at the event with thousands of people, so he must know how to find him there.  _

_ But what does he want from him?  _

_ No, it doesn't really matter. _ Light told himself and turned to KT's desk to look at the map of the area around Zojo-ji temple. Maybe he would find something that might point to Birthday's possible place of meeting. 

As Light was going through maps and a program of the event something fell from KT's desk. Light frowned and bent down to pick it up. It was another map. A map of Tokyo. He saw KT working with it before. She was ponting places of Birthday's murders on a map but she stopped after they got the coordinates. She probably didn't see any sense in continuing. 

Light wanted to put the map back on the table and go back to his research but something stopped him. He didn't even know why, but he opened the map instead and took a good look. There were points at places dead bodies were found. They were all over Tokyo. Light was looking at those red points on the map and he chuckled:  _ If there were more of them, they might give together a message.  _

His eyes widened. 

_ There are more of them! _

Light quickly took the list of murders that happened in last week and that KT didn't mark on a map. His breathing quickened as he was drawing small points that were missing on a map. When he finished his eyes widened even more and his chest was raising and falling heavily: 

_ But that means… _

He didn't need to link those points together with a pencil to see letters that were now on a map. Beyond Birthday didn't only tell them where he wanted to meet. He also told them with whom he really wants to meet. And it wasn't L, as they thought the whole time. 

The letters on a map said... KIRA.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my dear readers!  
> I am sorry I kept you waiting for update for so long, but I had a little block on this story and I seriously needed to take break from writing. Now I am finally through it and back in the process. So dont worry the story is no abandoned. I am just extremely busy now in 2021 so I cant promise you I will update regularly. But I think that this month and a half pause you had just now, was the longest you could ever expect from me.   
> Anyway I hope you enjoyed the update and that you are all doing great in a new year!  
> Looking forward to hear from you and I will try to update again as soon as possible.
> 
> Love, J.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment! <3 I would love to hear from you.


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